TIme for The Evil Genie Game!

[nolabear]

You find a tarnished old lamp. When you rub it up, a genie appears and grants you one wish.

Post your wish. The next poster tells you how your wish goes horribly wrong, and then posts his/her wish, and on and on. Be inventive and elaborate!


My wish: I wish to be a very popular author.

[AmyDeLune]

1. *~ZAP~* You are a popular author!!!

So popular you have legions of fans who turn up at your many book signing tours and readings. Unfortunately, when you attempt to end your series of humorous novels about the life of MiddleFingerMom and write a serious book about life in the big city, your fans turn on you...your car is found in a ditch in Maine in the spring after the thaw...your body is never recovered, though the sole copy of your manuscript is found shredded and burned nearby...

I wish I knew how to drive! (and had a car...)

[rug]

2. Granted.

You are now on the Long Island Expressway.

I wish Bush were at the Hague.

[Kali]

3. NO FAIR!

:rofl:

[GreenPartyVoter]

4. Bush visits Hague, NY. Has a great time looking down at the little people from behind

the bullet-proof windows of his stretch Hummer limo. Stops at the local park with a few dozen photographers to help clear some brush.

I wish I was thin.

[XemaSab]

5. ZAP!

You're thin.

A tornado comes along and picks you up and sends you flying into the next county, where some pig farmer finds you driven into the side of a barn. Meanwhile, all your 200 pound friends are safe and sound and sipping pumpkin lattes with whipped cream.

I wish I had a nice ranch in West Marin.

[AsahinaKimi]

6. Poof! You have a ranch in West Marin..

Suddenly there is a great earthquake and all the Cattle stampede though your HOUSE!

I wish my Genie was Jeannie!!:

[orleans]

7. poof!

now it turns out that she isn't a real genie (just played one on tv) and no other wishes of yours will ever come true. and she's mad at you. and she just stormed out of your life forever. with all your savings. after maxing out your credit cards.

i wish i won the lottery.

[some guy]

8. " I wish I won the lottery "

Congratulations, you've won the lottery, and now you'll be stoned to death.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lottery

Shoulda been more specific on what sort of lottery (and prize) you wanted to win.

I wish for $75,000,000.00 (tax-free) dollars.

:scared:

[Drunken Irishman]

9. You find that $75,000,000.00 didn't just come from anywhere...

It came from individuals in your community. Middle class folk all the way down to the poor. They lost it all because you were granted the wish of 75 million dollars.

Now everyone around you has gone poor. They've lost their life savings. They lose their homes and you're the only wealthy person left in the community. This leads them to resent you. You're now living in a nice house on top of a hill overlooking the depleted, empty town.

After months of contempt, the town finally rallies and storms your property with torches and pitchforks. They set you and your family ablaze and you die a horribly painful death.

They then sell all your goods and recoup the money they lost.

----

I wish I had the charm of Bruce Wayne.

[AsahinaKimi]

10. Poof

You have the Charm of Bruce Wayne, however now every psycho pathic Killer is now on your trail including a lot of Joker Wanna bees!




I wish Fox News would sink into the Sea!!!

[dawg]

11. Poof

All the other news networks are moving headquarters underwater in order to be perceived as "unbiased". Teabaggers complain about the lies of the "dry" liberal media.

I wish I was the sexiest man in the world.

[charlie and algernon]

12. Poof

You're the sexiest man alive by default as you're the ONLY man alive. But because the human species needs to continue to survive, the females turn asexual and no longer men to reproduce.


I wish I was President of the United States

[Chan790]

13. Poof! (That's an easy one.)

You're the POTUS alright. Everything's broken, the morons think you're a communist Muslim disciple of a bigoted pastor, you're own constituents hate you and are never pleased, your Chief-of-staff acts like he's the one elected to the highest office, and somehow it's all your fault because people have forgotten that the previous office holder was a borderline-imbecile. Reality bites!

I wish I could lose 125lbs.

[Kali]

14. poof you are now 125 lighter

but in order to maintain it you must consume 1 lb of beef every day (although you may of course eat other things and prepare it however you like.}(

I wish I had a reliable, efficient motor vehicle that could travel on my rough rocky roads.

[BillStein]

15. congratulations!

You are the proud owner of the world's first all-electric steamroller, which crushes all the rocks to gravel, which completely washes away with the first heavy rain, leaving your land depleted and polluting the streams.

I wish my job was less boring

[AsahinaKimi]

16. Poof!!

You now have a more exciting job, as a Safari guide, but this is in one mean jungle, in the Jurassic Age!!! Dinosaurs are Hungry tonight, and you are supper!!



I wish a huge pile of cow feces would drop out of the sky, all of it landing on Glenn Beck, as he is about to walk into the Fox News Building.

[dawg]

17. Shazam!

A huge pile of cow feces falls on Glenn Beck. The Teabaggers take this as a sign that he has been anointed by God to be our next President. They start marking their forheads with brown marks to commemorate the "miracle". In the 2012 election, near 100% turnout of the extreme right coupled with apathy on the left results in President Beck and the end of representative democracy in the U.S.

I wish someone would deliver great coffee, for free, to my office every afternoon around 2:30.

[Chan790]

21. Poof!

Every day, exactly at 2:30pm, a dimensional wormhole opens and out pours Rush Limbaugh covered in sea-lion shit holding a 12-cup French Press of Kenyan AA in each hand. He pours coffee while pontificating for hours on end about what's wrong with America. Of course, between the bullshit and the sea-lion shit, you're so put off your stomach that you can't possibly enjoy the java.

I wish I had a Chipotle veggie-blend burrito with tomatillo-green chili salsa, cheese, sour cream, pico de gallo, corn-salsa and guac & a large brewed ice tea.

[nolabear]

18. Alakazam!

Beck manages to create a blackboard diagram equating cow feces with a return to the Golden Age of Agriculture Based Conservative Values and promotes cow-related propaganda to such a romanticized extent that a new political party, The Teat Baggers, rises from the ranks and holds the first Mooooove On Rally to create the United States of Bovinia with Beck as Bullshitter-in-Chief.


I want world peace.

[rug]

19. Done.

The cyborg fleet is spotted by the Hubble.

I want to see Rabrrrrr buying polka dot pajamas.

[MilesColtrane]

20. You see Rabrrrr buying polka dot pajamas while doing your job as Wal-Mart greeter...

in Possum Pouch, Alabama.

He spots you and explains that he must buy them because your Mom complains about his holy underwear when they're in bed together.

I wish I had my own recording studio.

[Chan790]

22. Bing!

You're just inherited a small recording studio in Branson, Missouri. Too bad the previous owner tried to record backing tracks of cicadas and crickets for their latest country album and 100,000 of each got loose in the studio and made themselves homes in the walls.

I wish I was amoral.

[rug]

23. Pow!

Your lover is Miles Coltrane's mother.

I wish I was invisible.

[AsahinaKimi]

24. dupe

[AsahinaKimi]

25. poof you are invisible

However you are invisible so long, that everyone assumes you are dead, your home is taken over, your entire life is erased, You have no friends.. and those that hear you think they are hearing things, or that you are a ghost.



I want a San Francisco County Fair at Golden Gate park each year like other cities and counties do!!

[charlie and algernon]

26. Granted

The San Francisco County Fair is a huge success, especially the deep fried corn dogs, deep fried beer, deep fried oreos, deep fried twinkies, deep fried snickers, and deep fried Milkey Ways. The good people of San Francisco gain so much weight that the State of California sinks into the Ocean.


I wish I was the lead in a successful TV Show.

[JTG of the PRB]

27. So be it! *poof*

You're a star! Your TV show is the greatest thing that's come along in years, and the critics are raving about it. Just one season in and your show sweeps the Emmys - even winning awards it shouldn't logically have been up for! The catch? It's on FOX - Rupert Murdoch is your boss, they run promos for Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck during your show, and they move your time slot around twice a year, ensuring that you can't get the ratings you need to keep the show on the air, and the show is canceled two and a half seasons in. But don't worry - they're going to make a movie! Maybe... In 7 years.

I wish I was a robot.

[AsahinaKimi]

28. Poof!

You are a Robot! Suddenly one of your diodes sparks.. inside is a buildup of energy that has to go somewhere. BOOM!.. you are in pieces all over...





I wish I could pop into the future to find they have actually built the Star Ship Enterprise. It sits at Space dock, orbiting the Earth, and everything really works! Warp Engines, Shields, Phasers, Photon Torpedos, everything A Star ship needs to go into deep space! And, there really is a United Federation of Planets!

[nolabear]

29. Alakazotz!

You are there, aboard the Enterprise, in a red shirt...


I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner.

[Lyric]

30. ShaBANG! You're a weiner.

However, you are not an Earthly weiner...you're a weiner on the planet Krikket, and you are immediately eaten by Arthur Dent, who really wanted a decent cup of tea but settled for the weiner in the interim.

I wish I had a Broadway-quality singing voice.

[XemaSab]

31. ZAP!

You have a Broadway-quality singing voice, and you're performing ON Broadway! Only not with, like, an actual gig, yaknow?

You are doomed to spend your days as a busker scrounging quarters from tourists from Nebraska waddling between the Cats revival and the Olive Garden.