Is there any way can get Facebook to delete

[Coyote_Bandit]

the account of my niece and nephew? Both are under 13. By more than a couple of years. The youngest just turned 9. I've used the Facebook link to report the URL of under 13 users. No response. Profiles are still there.

These kids are new computer users. Their mother is a very unsophisticated computer user with little sense of common sense security matters. She has done things like post her home address, details of their move, their various travel plans and her husbands death.

The 10 year old is listed on Facebook as being 20 years old. Should I send him a case of wine coolers on his 21st birthday? It is sooooo tempting. Especially since his mother is such a religious right wing hypocrite - with respect to lots issues.

[gratuitous]

1. If Facebook won't manage your family, perhaps you should

Talk to the mother, the unsophisticated religious right wing hypocrite. Even unsophisticated religious right wing hypocrites should be tipped off when they're doing something extremely foolish that could expose them to getting ripped off or worse. It's not a matter of right wing/left wing, it's a matter of managing her affairs. If you drove by her house and the front door was standing wide open while they were out shopping, would you just drive on?

Be the person you'd like her to be.

[Coyote_Bandit]

5. If I could do that I would

The mother of these kids is my brother's widow. Her own comments tell me that she was having an affair at the time of his death. She was talking about getting remarried and spending the life insurance proceeds before our family even had an opportunity to view his body or confirm the funeral arrangements. Meanwhile, I have aging and grieving parents who fear completely losing contact with their grandchildren. Contact that has indeed become less and less frequent since my brother's death.

I never had a good relationship with the wife/widow. It has been a decidedly cold but not openly hostile relationship. My comments would not be well received. Not by her. Not by my own family who continue to fear that those grandchildren will disappear.

I know it's not a good situation. I know the mother has enabled and is aware that her young kids are on FaceBook. She's "friends" with 'em both. I'm tempted to fucking report her to child protective services. And I'm still tempted to send a case of wine coolers, a 21st birthay card and a printout of the screen capture showing that the mom knew the kid was representing himself as being that age.

I can't lock a door if I don't have the fucking key. The mother has that key.

[gratuitous]

13. There are many ways to approach the situation

And they are not all confrontational (which will raise her defenses and turn the situation intractable - I believe you when you say that). But this isn't about her affairs or spending insurance proceeds. It can start with "I'm concerned about little Justin and Kelly (or whatever their names are). Did you know that some scammers out there use Facebook as a way to rip people off?" It's easy enough to find a few links of people who shared too much and had their houses broken into, or links to articles about keeping oneself safer on-line.

Lead her to the information and urge her to think about it. It's just possible she'll draw the right conclusion to protect herself and her children. You may not be able to lock the door, but you can at least close it. Whether she's more careful in the future is then up to her.

[Coyote_Bandit]

16. The problem isn't that

I can't say that or say it diplomatically.

The problem is that sometimes the person being addressed chooses not to listen.

There have been other issues in the past where such efforts were made - and the wife made it clear then that she would only take direction from her husband (now deceased) or her male Sunday School teacher or male Pastor. She said something about only being subject to their teaching and authority.

[Kali]

15. oh - okay more to the story

sorry about your brother, that has to be painful as well as watching kids be almost intentionally neglected.

I don't think you actually have a case for calling CPS on her, BUT you might call and DISCUSS with them - ask if that is an issue worth looking at, or if the living conditions are a danger (they won't be - you won't believe what they will allow)

But that might give a heads up if you have a good office and workers - or it may at least help put your mind at rest. If they get ripped off, well - just stuff (that she may need to get rid of anyway!)

Another possibility is one of those internet pervert entrapment groups - I'm sure there is somebody on here on DU that knows something - a name or website. There is at least one organization that monitors for pedophiles on the web - maybe they would have some info to help you out. :shrug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Coyote_Bandit...

I agree with gratuitous...

You need to act.

That is not a good situation.

[Coyote_Bandit]

6. I've reported

the underage profiles to FaceBook and I'm thinking of reporting the mother to child protective services. The little girl will tell everything - to anyone. She can't keep a secret. For reasons detailed above I am not in a good situation to confront the mother.

[newcriminal]

7. I really don't mean to be harsh here, but you have to be kidding.

You want to call child protective services because the children have a facebook account? I say there is something else going on here with you and the mother, and you should keep to yourself about their lives then.

[Coyote_Bandit]

9. You have not had opportunity

to observe and hear the kinds of information the youngest child (just turned 9) shares with everyone!

Nor are you aware of the fact that the home in which the children reside could be featured on the next issue of Hoarders. There are more issues involved.

Trust me the family is going to be robbed or worse. Soon. Unless the thief determines the house is too filthy to pilfer.

[newcriminal]

12. Obviously I haven't.

Your original post was regarding facebook though, and calling child protective service for a facebook account is crazy.

Before you do anything, you should sit back and really examine the situation and your motives behind what you are doing. Are you indeed looking after the children's best interest or are merely trying to get at the mother.

[Coyote_Bandit]

14. You seem to think

that my motive is to get at the mother and not to protect the children - and the mother herself - from the dangers they do not recognize on FaceBook. It was the MOTHER who has already posted their street address and details of their schedule and travel plans on FaceBook. She apparently thinks her own FaceBook commentary is safe and acceptable. Given that, I can't imagine that she will effectively supervise the postings of her children.

[newcriminal]

17. Yes, that is what I'm thinking.

There are, I don't know, millions of people who post their address and other personal information on facebook.

I work with a lot of people that have to deal with child protective services, it's not something that should be taken lightly at all. Again my advice is to love the children, worry about them if you need to, love them some more and stay out of it.

[Coyote_Bandit]

20. And post their travel plans in advance?

And the details of their regular schedule? Without restricting access to such information to their Facebook friends? Or at least to friends of friends? I guess some folks are so damned stupid that they advertise to be robbed. Or worse.

Folks have been reported to child protective services for far less - and had child protective services intervene to protect the children. I have a friend who has a profoundly autistic son. She was reported several times. When he was young she was reported because she used a halter on him while shopping in order to prevent him from running away and getting lost. As he got older the boy developed a penchant for stripping (and rubbing his entire body with various substances like motor oil). The neighbors (who lived in a two story house) didn't like seeing him naked in his own backyard (which had a privacy fence) nor did they like being able to look in the windows of his house and see him naked. And they certainly didn't like it when his mother responded by duct taping the waist of his trousers.

These kids live in a house that primarily utilizes a large fireplace for heat. The stuff that has accumulated - especially around that fireplace - is a fire hazard. Not to mention the fact that it provides a haven for rodents - and the diseases they carry.

Think what you want. I don't require your validation or approval. I want to protect the kids. And sometimes loving someone requires taking action to intervene on their behalf. I'm familiar with the legal system and the difficlties of dealing with child protective services. I've got no problem with reporting any parent who knowingly exposes their kids to danger or who fails to provide them a safe environment in which to live.

[Kali]

21. yikes

you just described this place


well anyway - I see several things you have brought up so you just need to choose one or more and go with it: do nothing, talk to kids/mother, talk to the pastor, call the authorities

maybe stop arguing with people here and get on the phone to somebody!

[newcriminal]

22. I hope you truly have the children's best interest at heart,

and proceed to think of them first however you proceed. Good luck to you and the kids.

[HERVEPA]

19. You are being extremely obtuse!

[HERVEPA]

18. What don't you get about a 10 year old posing as a 20 year old?

I have to think you don't have kids.

[newcriminal]

23. There's a difference between posing as a 20 year old,

and putting down that birthdate. Kids put down an older birthdate to sign up to get around the rules. That doesn't mean they are putting themselves out there as being 20 years old on their profile.

You might want to think again.

[HERVEPA]

25. Thanks, but I'm staying right where I am on that one.

[realisticphish]

3. If they checked the TOS

Facebook isn't responsible for that kind of thing, AFAIK. Dick move? Yes. It was better when FB required university or corporate email addresses, but whatever.

There's really no confirmation process; they aren't checking his ID or anything.

[Coyote_Bandit]

8. According to FaceBook terms

4. Registration and Account Security

Facebook users provide their real names and information, and we need your help to keep it that way. Here are some commitments you make to us relating to registering and maintaining the security of your account:

1. You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook, or create an account for anyone other than yourself without permission.
2. You will not create more than one personal profile.
3. If we disable your account, you will not create another one without our permission.
4. You will not use your personal profile for your own commercial gain (such as selling your status update to an advertiser).
5. You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.
6. You will not use Facebook if you are a convicted sex offender.
7. You will keep your contact information accurate and up-to-date.
8. You will not share your password, (or in the case of developers, your secret key), let anyone else access your account, or do anything else that might jeopardize the security of your account.
9. You will not transfer your account (including any page or application you administer) to anyone without first getting our written permission.
10. If you select a username for your account we reserve the right to remove or reclaim it if we believe appropriate (such as when a trademark owner complains about a username that does not closely relate to a user's actual name).

Soooooooooooo..............FaceBook bars young folks and sex offenders and various other kinds of thing. But doesn't do shit to enforce their rules.

FaceBook Sux.

[realisticphish]

10. well

its just like any other TOS. They're all about covering their own ass

edit: don't get my wrong, Facebook has some serious ethics issues, I'm just not sure this a particularly unique one among corporations

[Kali]

4. you could offer to help if they will cooperate and give you passwords etc

but if they are kids like most, they will just do it again - can you talk to them at all? they will eventually need to know how to maintain their own security anyway, might as well learn now (she advises, knowing that her own account on that fucking site isn't locked down either)

[Coyote_Bandit]

11. Not likely to happen

I suspect the wife wants to move on to the other man and break all ties with our family - well, except for the financial ones.

[LiberalAndProud]

24. Coming to terms

with powerlessness is a really hard thing to do. It seems to me that you've done what you can to try to keep them safe. If their mother has no problem with the online age-inflation (which boggles my mind), that's the reality. And if she thinks it's a good idea to publish all that personal information, that's hers too.

The condition of the home may be another thing, if the kids' health and safety is at risk. I imagine CPS would encourage them to get the place cleaned up if it's as bad as that, but the kids' sense of security might be shaken. Since they've lost their dad, that's probably already taken some hits.

As for what you can do, love 'em up. If you live nearby, spend time with them. Plan activities with them. Stay close.

Your parents are right about this. If you alienate their mother, you will lose contact with the children.

[jobycom]

26. Keep reporting them if that's what you think is best. I know they delete under 13s.

I've seen other parents set up accounts for kids under 13 and have them deleted because someone else reported them.

On the other hand, they'll just start a new account under a slightly different name, and you'll do no good. Might be better if you just friend them and watch for anything scary. If you still have access to them, just talk to them about it, casually, when you get the chance.

Honestly, since they are your niece and nephew, you can't do anything. Their mother is in charge of them. You can try talking to her, especially if you see something that worries you, like a lot of friends of the opposite gender who are much older. She may hear you, even if she pretends not to.

If there is something truly dangerous, you could alert CPS, but if you do you will probably be cut out of their lives altogether, so make sure it's worth it.

As for posting addresses and such, it's not that big a deal. Most people use their real name on FB anyway, and it's a simple matter to find if you have their name. Generally a person's posts are limited to their friends, so the chance that some stranger will start stalking them because of FB is probably less than that someone will see them on the street and start following them. The biggest danger is if the kids trust the wrong person on FB, so that's what you need to concentrate on educating them on, if you have that access. If you don't, tell their mom you're concerned because you knew someone whose kid was abducted on the Internet, and then tell her what you think they are doing wrong. Again, maybe she'll listen, maybe she won't. But ultimately, they are her kids, and she has to be responsible for them.

Although, of course, having said that... Go with your gut. If you are worried about something, there may be a reason that all our common sense advice isn't taking into account. Toss out any advice that doesn't work for you after you run it through the mill. I'm just going by my experiences, and they may not work for you. Good luck.