A question of personal tolerance.

[Chan790]

I'm trying to be reasonable but am starting to suspect that I'm just a doormat here on this one.

I moved into this apartment about 4 months ago. ~May 20th to be precise. It's a 3BR, 2BA high-rise condo I was supposed to share with 2 other people. When I moved in, my landlord was supposed to be going home in a few weeks for the summer and not returning to reside here after that. He never left and his mom (who is foreign and speaks no English whatsoever.) came to visit "for a few weeks." (in early June) on a tourist visa instead. She's still here. My impression is that she's not leaving anytime soon. Neither is he.

She's constantly underfoot, she insists on speaking to me in a language she knows I don't understand, I've had explained to her repeatedly that I'm a vegetarian, yet she uses my cookware and dishes (monopolizes them to be honest) and has no compunction about storing offal in my cereal bowls in the fridge for days. I can't use my kitchen without her underfoot, I can't use the common areas of my apartment because she's living in them, I can't have house-guests of the overnight kind because she's provincial and religious. She contributes nothing and her son is not giving me a break on the rent for her irritation in presence.

So there are 4 of us living in a tiny condo, there were 5 but one guy got pissed and bailed literally in the middle of the night unannounced. Landlord is seeking a new fifth for the condo. I'm contemplating homicide.

I feel like a doormat. Am I in the wrong here? What the heck do I do about it?

[flvegan]

1. What does your lease say?

Oh, but to answer your question...yes, you're being treated like a doormat and you're not in the wrong here.

[Chan790]

3. Oh but I'm an idiot.

I don't have one...I have a "verbal agreement". A month-to-month one.

Landlord "likes to keep things simple"...turns out he's actually a lawyer (I didn't know this, I thought he was just a shady dude of some sort.) and no paper means no terms he can be held to. By my logic that means no terms I can be held to either...so as soon as I can find some job not in DC (because I hate DC and I hate my job.) I'm gone...I told him I'd give him 30 days notice when I was leaving but I think he's the one who broke our agreement and I owe him no consideration. I'm just trapped by this economy and this location...I can't just quit my job and move away because who knows when I'd get another one.

[grace0418]

12. Maybe you can't quit your job right now but you can move. Why be miserable at work and at home?

If you have to sign a lease, so be it. Better to find a subletter if you have to move before the year is over than to spend one more miserable month in that shithole. What a nightmare. That jackass is using you.

[MilesColtrane]

19. I would give him 30 days notice, even though that is not a requirement.

He's a lawyer. He'd probably find a way to sue you if you really pissed him off.

[datasuspect]

2. kick some fucking ass

don't take anyone's shit man!

[valerief]

4. Invite overnight guests. Just do it. nt

[Chan790]

5. Tried this.

She raised a caterwaul in cryptic language until my friend got pissed and left.

That is to say, she won. Then she glowered at me for days...for being a sinner, I'm assuming.

[valerief]

6. You should have let her have her tantrum and you and your friend could have

sung along with her, like she was singing. You could have had fun with it.

[Redstone]

7. Jeez, I don't have any advice for you except maybe to

move as soon as you possibly can do so.

Redstone

[Iggo]

8. Get.Out.

Shoulda been a good situation, but it's not. Never gonna be.

Yer gonna leave sooner or later. you know it. Make it sooner.

[REP]

9. A crappy studio or efficiency is better than the hell in which you are living

If you speak a language other than English, address the mother in it. Call her foul names. If you do not speak another language, make one up.

Dump her food out of YOUR bowls into the trash. If she objects, just say, "No!" as you would to a dog.

Find ANY OTHER PLACE!!

Good luck.

Sartre was right.

[Luciferous]

10. Move. Now.

[Taverner]

11. Move if you can!

[petronius]

13. You're not in the wrong. The only things to do are either put up with it,

have it out with the landlord (tell him to tell her to keep out of your business, dump her food out of your bowls, do whatever you please in the common areas whenever you want, etc), or move. In your shoes I'd prefer moving - anyway you choose to be, staying will continue to suck. If possible, I'd 'forget' to pay the last month's rent or 'accidentally' pack a lot of the landlord's stuff when I did move...

[Tuesday Afternoon]

14. pissed guy led the way, leave now, immediately, ASAP, in the middle

of the night unannounced. fuck the dumb.

[Gormy Cuss]

15. You're paying for this?

Yes, they're using you as a doormat. Up to you how much longer you can stand it.

First step: remove all of your property from the common areas other than the shared bath and store the stuff in your room. If you have leftovers or food to store in the fridge, label it as yours.

Second step: spend every free moment looking for a new living situation. Don't get into another one without a written renter's agreement or lease.

Third step: Do not engage the landlord's mother. Ignore her. Walk right by her as if she isn't there. Tell the owner that you are doing this because the language barrier seems to be frustrating her and that if she needs to communicate with you her son can act as intermediary.

Fourth step: find out if you have any standing as a tenant. It sounds like you can only make the case that you are a roomer, but in some jurisdictions that may be enough. It's good to know if you have any recourse just in case step #2 isn't fruitful.


It's hard enough sharing a rental with other paying strangers. No one needs the added hassle of two extra people.

Good luck.

[ElboRuum]

16. MOVE BEFORE YOU GO INSANE.

[WinkyDink]

17. GET OUT. I couldn't stand that situation for five MINUTES! If you don't leave, do NOT complain.

[seabeyond]

18. sorry you are being taken advantage like this and that you have to live in this

environment. our space should be our comfort place, not a place of frustration.

i would have done what your other roommate did. dead of night... outtta there.