Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 03:46 PM
Original message |
Since we're discussing poetry, I decided to try to write. This is all I could do this afternoon... |
|
I better not quit my day job. ;-)
The Grade
What is bad? What is good? When words fail When education is not enough
When success is measured by status and status is looked down upon
Defective and unheard Average, or below average at best
I am as silent as a winter morning on this warm autumn afternoon The words spill onto the page like ingredients for a recipe never prepared
The sunshine is bright, but deceiving there is little doubt winter is on its way
I need these words for comfort They are all I have They are mine
Simplistic failure
Another season slips away.
***
|
Aristus
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 03:50 PM
Response to Original message |
1. Hey, this is terrific! |
|
"like ingredients for a recipe never prepared..."
Great.
You're better at this than you think... :-)
You combined several important themes into one short poem. I like it.
|
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 03:58 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
2. "Ingredients for a recipe" is how a DUer once described one of my poems |
|
He was right, really.
Thanks, Aristus. A true friend is one who thinks of a tactful way to compliment you when you're at your worst! :-)
|
Aristus
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 04:00 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
3. Well, if I ever see you at your worst, |
|
at least I'll know how to compliment you... ;-)
|
Tuesday Afternoon
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 04:17 PM
Response to Original message |
|
:hug:
a touch of melancholia?
|
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 06:19 PM
Response to Reply #4 |
CaliforniaPeggy
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 04:44 PM
Response to Original message |
|
Very nice...
You are much braver than I...
I simply cannot post anything I've just written! Even my worst stuff takes a while to be acceptable enough to post, even to my own eyes...
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
:hug:
|
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 05:22 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
6. I'm not sure it's bravery |
mwdem
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 05:40 PM
Response to Original message |
|
You are brave, but you have talent, too.:loveya:
|
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 06:19 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
|
Nice to see you here. And thank you for the compliments. :loveya:
|
mwdem
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 06:33 PM
Response to Reply #10 |
12. and you know I'm so rarely here. |
Redstone
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 05:45 PM
Response to Original message |
8. "A recipe never prepared?" I like that. |
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 06:20 PM
Response to Reply #8 |
MiddleFingerMom
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 06:37 PM
Response to Original message |
13. If this sucked, I would not be responding... |
|
Edited on Tue Oct-05-10 06:40 PM by MiddleFingerMom
. . . . . ...that doesn't mean if I don't respond to the posting of a poem that I think it sucks -- there are all SORTS of reasons that I might not post. . But I would NOT tell you something positive if it DID suck. . . . This is actually very impressive -- if you have no training or formal education EXTREMELY impressive. Your pace and flow and sounds are all smooth and fluid -- which you want... UNLESS you're going for jagged and rough for some reason. . . . I, too, REALLY like that recipe metaphor -- suh-WEET!!! . . . It is a very, VERY simple poem. One of the GREAT disagreements I had with the impressive poetry prof I spoke of is that he'd look at us and say, "It's just you and me, kids" -- meaning that pretty much the ONLY people paying attention to poetry are other poets. Sadly... he had some jusification in that -- BUT... I see it as a self-perpetuating or self-fulfilling prophecy -- if you WRITE for other poets... ... ... duh. . . . In other countries, poets are sometimes REVERED as heroes - and a good part of that reverence comes from the fact that they write for and of "the people". I always think of a Turkish poet who was long-imprisoned for his political beliefs and writings who loved and MISSED his wife very profoundly. One of his poems from prison was a love poem to her where he very simply compared his heart to an apple -- and wrote an extremely MOVING piece (though now, near 20 years later, I remember neither his name nor his poem). . . . I greatly PREFER poems that don't take a secondary education to "get". . . . Yours is both impressive AND accessible. . . . NOT TO MENTION YOUR DISCLAIMER OF "THIS IS ALL I COULD DO THIS AFTERNOON". . . . To that I must most respectfully respond... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..."Oh, just STFU!!!" . . . . . :rofl: . . . . . If this is a purely "natural" level of ability -- I REALLY recommend you attend some workshops and learn how to refine it into PURE gold. . . . Woman -- get thee to a poettery!!!! . . .
|
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 08:11 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
Tuesday Afternoon
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 09:10 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
17. Nazim Hikmet, by chance? |
MiddleFingerMom
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 09:23 PM
Response to Reply #17 |
nolabear
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 08:35 PM
Response to Original message |
15. "I am as silent as a winter morning" |
|
Gorgeous. I feel it. And you convey "winter feeling" beautifully.
|
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 08:53 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
|
Glad you could get a sense of what I was trying to convey. :-)
|
av8rdave
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 10:36 PM
Response to Original message |
19. So well put....but I don't see failure in it |
Haole Girl
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
|
Tue Oct-05-10 10:44 PM
Response to Reply #19 |
DU
AdBot (1000+ posts) |
Fri May 10th 2024, 06:50 PM
Response to Original message |