Warning: Deep breathing may lead to hyperventiliation which may lead to this.

[Better Today]

Well, my first ever journal post, any kind of journal, ever. My mind is racing, my fingers are moving in slow motion. Not a good combination. Wow, just wow. Who the hell do I think I am? No, NO, no tears damn it! Gawd I hate tears. It's okay, deep breath. Another deep breath... Nope, they're still welling, shit! brb.

Okay, I've deep breathed myself to the point of hyperventilation. Sorry, I forgot the "slow" part of deep breathing. Good thing perhaps, maybe in this light headed state, I can get started here. Overcome the sheer panic of what I'm about to begin.

So where to start, what to say... should I think of this as a diary, just jotting down the discussions within myself about what I'm experiencing, what I'm planning? Since it will be on-line, should I write it with the audience in mind, more matter of fact, ... clearly at this point I'm in the former mode. I guess this first post will be starting in that mode for now. I'm thinking some blend will ultimately be best. When I'm done recording and prepping the vids and pics, I've no doubt I'll have deep emotional and intellectual comments to make. On the other hand, I need help from the audience. I need the audience to guide my way, to help along the way, and to help hold me up a bit as I go out to focus on the issues of the days, and dark days they are for so many, so many. Y'know the photos from the Great Depression (damn, those tears are starting again, I'm gonna keep typing though) have always touched me so deeply. And those were just pictures, it will be so much more painful and sorrowful to actually be there, to record it, to edit it, and publish it. I just know I'm not the only one falling off this edge, this ledge crumbling beneath me as the bits and shards of financial, social, and political stability shudders and falls away from beneath our feet, not knowing how far we'll fall. With that in mind, when I blog about each recording, I'll probably be entirely encompassed in the emotional response. I've not allowed myself to feel much sympathy or empathy for too many over the years. I'm kind of hard ass that way. I go right into problem solving mode, trying to help. Emotions get in the way of solutions, I find. Additionally with my background I fear that if I begin to feel for others, I'll have to feel for myself as well, and I'm scared of that, opening those gates. I'm going to though because our nation is heading into the shitter, and we all need to see, and feel, what these folks are going through, we need to care more so we'll demand more. I don't know anyone who can look at those heart-breaking photos of the Great Depression and actually think that helping them was a bad thing. That taxing the rich and creating jobs and dignity was a wrong turn. We need to stir that up now, hopefully force some action before we are quite as deep into national despair as they were then. Though in my opinion, I think we may already be there, that's one of the things I want to find out. Is it just statistical trickery that allows many to believe we aren't already there?

Knowing me after I'm done emoting, I'll start analyzing, that's what I do. Since I have no idea what I'll be facing, I don't have a clue where this aspect will lead and I imagine it will evolve, so if you don't like what you read at first, y'know, check back later, this experience may force me to become human afterall. Wow, that's a scary, scary thought.

Okay, enough of that, let's get to the basics. Since I'm going to do this drive about, I have logistics and stuff that I'll have to learn to start posting as well. As I mentioned in my original OP ( http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9276224 ), I am going on a test run to California and back. So here are some details of what's shaping up. Be sure to PM me to let me know how I can accommodate the issues in your localities. I'm leaving here on the 11th or 12th, going to Las Vegas to meet a friend on the 13th. I will then be with him on and off on the 13th and 14th, so if anyone in Vegas has something for me to see, let me know right away, and I'll let him do his convention thing and I'll come record your interest(s).

Next I'll be heading to the LA area for about five days to my friend's house. I have some work to do for him. He's also going to check over my rig and see what improvements he might be able to make for me. Then the 18th through the 19th I'm heading either east or south of there to visit a DUer and record his/her interests. I won't at any time divulge who I'm seeing in such a way as to expose anyone in anyway. Conversations will be shared, hospitality and generosities will be shared in ways that do not expose personal details, names, user ids, or addy's. However if you choose to expose yourself in your own posts, or in anyway really, you will be of course welcome to do so. I'm wavering on how much of myself to expose or whether I'll want a bit of anonymity. I know I'd like to stay relatively anonymous (ie if I'm visiting you and you want to post about it, I'd appreciate you using only "Better Today") during the test run from Oct 12 till I return here early November. Once I am starting the full blown, real, no-turning back drive-about, ... I don't know ... A certain amount of anonymity allows for much greater honesty, since I'm sure the emotional aspects of the blogs might get quite personal and raw. How to do that and blog and vlog virtually everyday, I don't know.........

I realize this will only take y'all (sorry, I was raised in Texas and "y'all" really has always seemed more encompassing than "you"), anyway it'll only take a few minutes to read this, but it's taken me four hours to write it. I think I'll stop here for now. Here's hoping this test run goes well, that I can see this through from beginning to end, a full year, and that it'll make some measurable difference somewhere, someway.

If anyone is agreeable, and near Las Vegas, I may need a place to park when I'm in Las Vegas the 12th and 13th. My friend has a hotel room for the 13th, but I'm thinking the dog is not going to be welcome either in the room or in the trailer (yes, well ventilated with a bed, a human bed he can rest on) out in the parking lot. He does like to howl when he's lonely. Since I've been such a home body these last few years, he's not a dog that to date handles being left behind very well. It would be best really if I could just find a safe place to park those nights and be with him in the trailer, as will be the case through the rest of the test and the drive-about.

G'night all. Oh, and thank you. Thank you for being interested, for caring. I've spent most of my life trying to be relatively invisible in order to feel safe. Now I'm going to have to stand that on it's head because with this venture safety will be in numbers, ... y'all.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Better Today...

I think you are to be congratulated, because you're taking a huge step out of your comfort zone in order to help others. I will be following along and reading with great interest.

I think what you see and write about should be fascinating.

I hope your trip goes well, and that you have a lot of good times.

Good night! And, of course, you're welcome!

:hi:

[Suich]

2. LOL!

Calm down, Better Today...you'll do fine!

imho, paragraphs that are 26 lines long are kinda hard to read.

Happy trails!!!

:hi:

[Better Today]

3. I'll review those lines. I'm not a writer, so I'll be making lots of errors, and

I also just run into the catch-22 of knowing what I mean, so I can't recognize that it doesn't quite gel for others. I'll get there, I hope. Thanks.

[handmade34]

4. good start!

just keep in touch here and with other friends and you will be fine...

I was always a homebody (and loved it) and then circumstances forced me to take my present job which has me on the road constantly (for 6 years with, unfortunately, no dog)... it is an incredible learning experience and often very humbling. I go into large cities and rural communities. I have been with people living under bridges and worked in neighborhoods of multi-million dollar homes. It gives me and will you a very unique perspective of our society and people within it. I started a book the first year but towards the end of that first year in Miami, had my car window smashed and my computer (with all of my pictures and words) stolen (just turned my head for 2 minutes, literally); put me into a pretty deep depression for a few years... please take care of yourself out there.

your writing will get better with practice and never hesitate to ask for help when you need it...

[Better Today]

5. Oh my! You were in the car and they smashed and grabbed?

How awful. I'm going to have to use my full sized PC, which will be stowed in the locked trailer in a padded drawer, so the words and pics will be safe(r). My laptop, which is required during recording, though not actually storing the vids, may however be in the car on the passenger seat, probably with mapquest on the screen. Hmmm. Maybe with a huge dog in the back seat, folks will think twice about sticking hands into my car, we'll see.