I'm having a colonoscopy Friday morning...any funny thoughts?

[old mark]

:shrug:


mark

[Iggo]

1. I just turned 49.

I'm scheduling my "old man" check-up soon.

I ain't laughing.

[old mark]

2. I have been evading it for decades, but this time my wife made me...nt

[MiddleFingerMom]

3. Here's lookin' at you, kid...

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[tavalon]

10. I think you meant proctologist

Otherwise, pretty funny!

[MiddleFingerMom]

13. Probably -- my doctor gave me a referral to the Urology clinic to have an eval...

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...so I assumed a urologist -- do proctologists work out
of Urology clinics?
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[tavalon]

15. Well

I can't say but urologists work with pee pee and proctologists with poo poo. But sometimes, the two meet in the middle? Especially when dealing with that pesky prostate!

[MiddleFingerMom]

24. I'm hoping that they don't "meet in the middle"...

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...WHILE examining my prostate.
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Owwie.
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:fistbump:
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OwwieOWWIEowwie.
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(I just LOVE when the smilies can be used for unintended illustrations.)
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[Arugula Latte]

45. 'Taint nuthin' to worry 'bout.

:D

[geardaddy]

62. Wah-wah!

LMAO

[Arugula Latte]

44. Oh, enough with the fancy medical technical mumbo jumbo.

:evilgrin:

[yankeepants]

4. Drugs

A lot of people I know only wanted the local anesthetic so they could watch the video off their poop shoot. I say go for the full drug trip. It's the best.

A nice snooze. Wake up post hosing and wonder when it's going to start. Lovely.

Your wife is right about getting one you know.

All best to you

[MiddleFingerMom]

42. Why on EARTH would anyone need to see that live when they could request a tape?

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Unless, of course, they wanted to DIRECT the film.
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"Take a little off the top there... gimme a fade there... waitwaitwait... hold it... h-o-l-d it... yeah, feather that."
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I'm a firm believer in napping -- and why should I stop believing in that particular instance?
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Did someone say they wake you up to eventual orange juice and a muffin?
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Win/win/freakin' WIN!!!!
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[mtnester]

5. Not a funny, but if you are doing the large volume drinking prep..

use Gatorade (the green, you cannot have anything with red dye)to mix your drink stuff. If you have to drik nearly a gallon of the stuff, it helps...using the "flavoring" provided with water is not enough to really mask the drink taste. And you have to drink it all very quickly, like 8oz glass every 20 minutes. By glass 4 with just water/flavoring, it begins to get hard to drink down the entire glass fast to avoid the taste. (plus you are getting full)

Lemons after the drink work well also (like you would do after a tequila shot)..I found limes to be too bitter. Slice one up and just bite down.

The prep is the worst, everyone will tell you...The procedure is a piece of cake, and I agree make sure you have the full compliment of Versed and whatever twilight combo they want to give you.

I had my first one about 4 weeks ago...so I was a newbie and drank that crap with water and the flavoring. My dad siad "you silly..here is how you do it" and told me about the Gatorade, etc.

[tavalon]

8. Even with the smaller, supposedly kinder prep

That is really good advice. I had forgotten that!

Yep, I totally agree about the prep.

[WinkyDink]

87. Not used anymore; too much salt.

[old mark]

21. The "new" prep isn't really as bad as the old, and they put you out completely til it's over...

then I'm coming home to make some gigantic hamburgers and take a nap.

I'll let you know when it's over.

mark

[Rambis]

35. Gatorade nice one

I get to do this for the first time in a month and I have been dreading the prep since I got the orders.:toast:

[geardaddy]

63. I totally agree about the prep.

I find it ironic that they named that liquid "Golitely"

*shudder*

[CTyankee]

77. that's why staying off solid food for a good while beforehand is recommended.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

6. It's an optimistic procedure

things are looking up.

:hi:

[tavalon]

7. I have a story to relate

I had heard so many icky, even scary stories but being a nurse, I knew I would be getting Versed (as you likely will as well) and I know that Versed makes everything pain free and memory free so even though I knew there was going to be a big TV to watch my colon's screen debut on, I knew that first, I would be asleep, and second, if I wasn't, I wouldn't remember.

So, I got my Versed and the last words I remember were the assistant asking me to turn to my left side. Imagine my surprise when about half way through the procedure, I was wide awake. I had been warned that the procedure might be "uncomfortable" so my first thought was to let them know to give me more med. But then, I realized, it didn't hurt at all. So I spent the rest of the procedure meeting my colon and watching them take little biopsies here and there. I didn't bother to let them know I was awake and I'm not even sure if they realized I was.

When I got to recovery, I asked if I could go ahead and get dressed and leave and they were shocked. I wasn't even woozy. I was wide awake and in no discomfort whatsoever. It took me 15 minutes to convince them that I really, really was awake and not pretending.

I remember every second from the moment I woke up with crystal clarity. I don't know why. My understanding of the pharmacology of Versed says that it shouldn't have been like that but it was. :shrug:

That said, if you have any discomfort during the procedure, tell your providers. It doesn't have to hurt.

Oh, and get soft flushable wipes for your prep. That is hands down the most important information I can give you.

[Seedersandleechers]

27. I too am a nurse and have worked with versed

It is a very short acting benzo. If you have any tolerance to any type of sedative medication you need more. I'm 57 and have yet to get a colonoscopy because I know with my drug history they won't give me enough. Sad but true. If you can remember that you were awake you were not dosed properly (IMO). The lay person in your situation might not have handled the experience as well as you did. Just saying.

[tavalon]

48. Oh, I'm not shy about asking for more med if needed

The part I found fascinating is that not only was I awake, it didn't hurt. But yeah, the caveat is if it hurts, they need to give you more med.

[CTyankee]

78. Because I have had a lot of surgery in that area I now hav to have ananesthesia

instead of a sedative for my colonoscopies. I don't like it. I am sleepy all day afterwards. A nice nap is fine but all day sleepiness is annoying...

[Callalily]

9. Hey! They give you a

muffin and orange juice when it's over. What could be better than that! ;-)

[yankeepants]

30. I didn't get a muffin and OJ.

I stopped and bought a six-pack though.

[tavalon]

11. Saturday will be here before you know it and you will have joined an elite club

That club being those of us who know that the worst part of a colonoscopy is the prep and worry about what the procedure is going to be like. As my old high school friend used to say, "It ain't no thang!"

But seriously, get those flushable wipes and lemon flavored gatorade because today is the hard day. Tomorrow, not so much.

[MiddleFingerMom]

28. Club?

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CLUB!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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[yellerpup]

12. I've had two of them, and the prep is the worst thing

about it. With the second one, I ate light and vegetarian for two days beforehand and that made the prep session TONS easier. I only remember going to sleep at the beginning of the procedure and waking up with no after effects. The first time I had one, the very next day made an 800 mile car trip and had no ill effects. Good luck! :hi:

[VioletLake]

14. I heard it takes the thunder out of your farts,

and makes it more difficult to pinch your loaves, so to speak.

[VioletLake]

18. You will obviously continue to make "loaves",

it is pinching the ends that will become more difficult.

Thanks for letting me clear that up.

[marzipanni]

32. I suppose you could watch a horror film a night for a week afterward

Kegel-style exercises for the rear, don'tcha know. ;)

[VioletLake]

37. Qvite unorthodox, nurse marzipanni, but it vill vork.

Nothing like fear to vorkout the sphincter.

[dixiegrrrrl]

88. Pinching is a problem for how long afterwards????????

Surely not....forever?

[In_The_Wind]

16. Enjoy a lunch treat of corn_on_the_cob

today ... there's nothing like a clean picture background. :rofl:

[tavalon]

17. I'm pretty sure it's too late for that

He's most likely already on the Jello part of the diet or very soon will be...........

[In_The_Wind]

29. Oh darn!

Well I hope he got a chuckle outta my suggestion.

:hi:

[Beer Snob-50]

19. to me the worse parts of the colonoscopy were:

1. jone of my wifes friends was the nurse in the lab and she made many wise cracks as they were prepping me
2. the doctor and nurses were discussing things other than my colon as we were getting ready. the doctor finally said "lets get going on this guy" and i reminded them that i really needed some kind of sedetive.
3. the gas i could not expel after all was said and done.

[Iggo]

40. Wait...WHAT?

#3?

Yikes!

[Beer Snob-50]

51. they bow air into your colon as the scope around

to move anything in there around. it has a hard time leaving. mine finally expeled when i got home and walked around some. my wife was hoping i would not do it while at the hospital as she is an employee there and was concerned how that may be preceived LOL.

[Iggo]

57. Oh jeez.

Ain't gettin' old grand?

:rofl:

[Beer Snob-50]

58. alot more fun than the old prostate exams.

my psa's were elevated so i get the finger treatment every 4 months right now.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

71. Ha, they made wise "cracks"?

:) For some reason, that "cracked" me up.

[av8rdave]

20. I didn't find any of it to be a big deal...even the prep.

They did want to also do an endoscopy while I was under. I insisted they did the top end first if they were going to use the same hose.

[Haole Girl]

22. Watch this

Billy Connolly - Colonoscopy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMsPNI6EZE&p=A532330B5A3AD904&playnext=1&index=34

:-)

[snagglepuss]

23. I followed advice from someone who has to have them done regularly

and had a clear liquid diet for two days before the test as well as taking the prescribed prep. The doctor was so impressed he later said to me that it was so clean he could have eaten out of it. Needless to say, I didn't know how to respond:)

[old mark]

26. I am mystified by someone who would choose this as a life's work anyway....nt

[Gabi Hayes]

76. too bad you didn't have a spoon.....

[MicaelS]

25. How about some advice??

Make SURE and chill the prep. Cold it is barely tolerable, warm it's truly disgusting.

[Deep13]

31. Try not to be a pain in the ass about it.

Seriously, the only hard part is drinking a gallon of what tastes like salt water the night before. The procedure itself is easy.

[old mark]

34. I am nearly 3/4 through the "big drink"...we mixed the Miralax with herbal iced tea

apple juice and lemon...It's a lot of volume, but taste is acceptable. I have to be at the hospital at 7AM, and I'm planning to have 2 large homemade hamburgers when I get home.

I am looking forward to them right now.

mark

[Locrian]

65. ummm....

Careful. After that long w/o food it, and with how the "juice" cleans you out, two large hamburgers will go down like a couple of bricks.

[AtomicKitten]

33. I had my first about a month ago under conscious sedation.

Slept through the whole thing.

The prep was fun, though. Glad I work at home. Yikes.

[raccoon]

36. You'll be in my thoughts. nt

[Liberal Veteran]

38. During the procedure, ask to make sure there are no Chilean miners trapped in there.

[mcollins]

39. They put me completely out during the procedure,

but (no pun) the worst part was the prep the day before. Oh, Good Lord! I highly suggestyou diet heavily the week prior and even then- be ready to spend the day within a few feet of the toliet.

Good luck.


They found several polups with they removed- no cancer, but they were pre-cancerous. SO- more of these in my future. I hope you have better luck.

[Bertha Venation]

41. I wish I could direct you to it, uh, directly, but try to find

Bill Engvall talking about his "procedure." That guy is funny as hell. I think it's on his album "15 Degrees Off Cool." Maybe it's on youtube.

Best wishes, mark. I hope you're still asleep during the farting.

:hug:

[AlinPA]

43. Just before I was "put under", the nurse said to say "Irish Wristwatch" three times. That was funny

to me. I didn't remember a thing. My wife had to drive me home.

[Iggo]

46. LOL. That's just mean! (n/t)

[PAMod]

47. Dave Barry told us all we need to know...

Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours

OK. You turned 50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven't. Here are your reasons:

1. You've been busy.

2. You don't have a history of cancer in your family.

3. You haven't noticed any problems.

4. You don't want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt...



Read more: <http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html>

[tigereye]

52. yeah, that was my thinking, but I have to schedule one anyway

glad I read this thread since it doesn't sound quite so bad...


However, I was reading that the procedure called a sigmoidoscopy (less expensive and less intrusive, shall we say) used to be sufficient for the purpose until colonoscopy became all the rage.

[old mark]

59. 4.............nt

[Sabriel]

49. Don't let your S.O. hold your ramblings against you

I sat with my partner afterward and drove home, and it was one rambling non sequitur after another. Not to mention asking the same question about 25 times.

I seem to recall lots of sleeping afterward, too.

[applegrove]

50. Think how relieved you will feel when you get a clean bill of health!

[old mark]

72. ...which I did - thank you!...There is a little inflamation, which I will be seeing

the Dr. for in early November, other than taht, nothing bad at all!

I am relieved.

:hi:

mark

[applegrove]

79. Great news!

[dixiegrrrrl]

89. Ok, spill....

What advice did you get that was really the most helpful?
What did you experience that you did not expect?
If you had to do it over again, what would you do differently?

[Burma Jones]

53. I've had four of them......at my first, as I watched the video, I told the Doc as he removed a Polyp

"Hey, be careful, I get my best ideas from there" He had to stop for a bit.......

The last couple of times, I was out for the whole procedure - which I do not like........I like to be out or the first part, and awake as the scope is removed.

[old mark]

54. OK, I'm officially cured and back home-I was scheduled for 9:10 AM, and

we got there a little early, so they started early and it all went smoothly - I got back to the waiting area at 9:20, and in my living room at 10:10. NO polyps at all, no growths, but a small irritated area - I am seeing the doc about it in 2 weeks, will treat it with meds.
I have always loved fruits and veggies, even though I'm supposed to limit them for my diabetes...I was completely out for the whole thing...the prep was the worst part, and even that was not as bad as I feared.

Thanks for all your comments, suggestions and wiseass...It all helped. Nap time soon.

:grouphug: :yourock:

mark

[kentauros]

55. Aww, stay awake and be loopy in the Lounge!

That's good there were no major problems and that you'll get the help needed for the irritation part. I was awake for mine, watching the monitor, so even with the 'distasteful' prep work, it was still a cool experience :)

[In_The_Wind]

56. Hurray!

You won't have to do that again anytime soon. :thumbsup:

[blueknight]

61. when i had mine

the doc told my wife everything was good. and she replied, he is a perfect asshole:toast:

[In_The_Wind]

64. it's good

to be perfect at some point in our life :spray::rofl:

[Locrian]

66. see, in the "end" is was all worth it eh? - nt

[Rambis]

67. Nice to hear things went well

:hi:

I give it a go next month after the diverticulitis calms down-

[old mark]

68. Not to worry - it was much easier than I had feared. Good luck...let us know how it goes...nt

[tammywammy]

70. I get to accompany my parents on these events

The first year my dad went the doctor said "well, you have a bumper crop of polyps down there...."

Still makes me laugh.

[tavalon]

74. Excellent

I came back to this thread just to check up on you. Thanks for letting us know. You are now officially in the club!

[geardaddy]

60. I had a combo colon/upper GI -scopy

a couple of years ago. My former doctor (he retired) was a funny guy and said, "They'll be scoping both ends. I think the guy who does it likes to do the bottom end first. But don't worry, he wipes off the scope before he does the top end."

:rofl:

[guitar man]

69. Billy connolly

Cracks me up every time describing the prep :rofl:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMsPNI6EZE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[meow2u3]

73. If no brain is found....

...you are not former pResident Chimpy McWarmonger. :rofl:

[old mark]

75. Unlike Mr. W, I do not customarily carry my head up my ass,

but thanks for the thought....:hi:

mark

[IggleDoer]

80. "Doctor, I hope you understand ...

... I don't ordinarily do this kind of thing on the first date."

[old mark]

82. He didn't even buy me dinner....nt

[Digit]

81. I told mine we were gonna get close and personal...as I was under the effects...

He called me later to tell me I was beautiful.

That was a result I was not quite ready for and burst out laughing....I mean REALLY!

It was $800 I had to pay out of pocket since I had no health insurance at the time and
had been worried about symptoms which turned out to be related to too much high fructose
corn syrup. I have since cut back on it and my problems have disappeared.

Maybe unrelated, but they started with an overabundance of the stuff and subsided once I cut back.
I start cramping (again) when I have had too much and know to cut back.

At least (for me) that stuff is no good.

[old mark]

83. Thanks to all who responded.It is amazing to what lengths I will go to get attention

here on the Lounge.

Colonoscopy, my ass!

Meet with the doc again early November for Tx for minor inflammation.


mark

[PassingFair]

84. Here's a chuckle for you: Kids in the Hall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz7sBTHtcLU

Could be worse, could be your JOB!

[erinlough]

85. Keep the pictures of your colon they give you

they make great Christmas card pictures! HA

[WinkyDink]

86. Re-cap?

[old mark]

90. HELL, NO!!!!

But thanks for the thought...I think...:shrug:

mark

[Bucky]

91. When they take your picture, say "Cheese!"

since they'll be looking at cheese anyway.