Sympathy question involving someone losing their wife...

[Drunken Irishman]

I run a blog and it's a nice small community of Ute sports fans. Anyway, last week, one of our members lost his wife to a tragic ATV accident.

No one on the blog except me knows. Now they're starting to wonder where he's gone because he normally posts about top-25 polls the Thursday or Friday before game Saturday.

I want to tell them what happened, but I also don't feel comfortable doing it because A) it's a private matter and B) I expect him to come back to the blog when things have calmed down a bit - so maybe he doesn't want to be reminded of his wife's passing.

I also don't want to act as if I'm ignoring it out of lack of sympathy.

Death is not an easy subject to deal with and I just want him to feel as comfortable as possible. Do you think it would be appropriate to post about his wife's death to let readers know why he's not there, or just let him return and if he feels like doing it, he can do it on his own?

[KamaAina]

1. I suppose you could say he's left the blog temporarily for "personal reasons"

although that does make it sound like a repuke who's being forced to resign because of scandal. :-)

[seabeyond]

2. i would email the dude and ask how he would prefer you to handle it,

if you are able. otherwise, i wouldnt post.

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. If you can ask him about it, do so - otherwise, as suggested, just say "personal reasons"

as to your second point, the worst thing you can when someone dies is not acknowledge it to the survivors - that is, when he comes back, don't worry about 'reminding' him. Trust me, he won't need 'reminding' - it will be on his mind most every minute of the day for a while - and it's better to admit to it than have everyone dodge the truth trying to 'save' him from it.

And the only reason I suggest, if you can't contact him, in saying "personal reasons" is that he might very wish to make the announcement on his own when he returns, and do it in his own way. But part of that depends on how well everyone in the group know each other. Pretty good chance that he'd appreciate it if you let the others know, so that they can also send him condolences and so that he doesn't have to go through the whole ritual of informing yet one more group of people.

[kimi]

4. I think e-mailing or sending a PM would be good

Also thoughtful. Personally, I wouldn't notify others if he hasn't cleared it yet, but that's me. You sound like a caring friend, and that's a special thing.

[kayakjohnny]

5. That's a tough spot you're in. I would let a few things play out first though.

And let a little time pass to see what happens. Other people could find out and take some kind of action. There doesn't seem to be an immediate urgency to post the info yet.

I would lay low for a few days and then take stock of the developments that may happen.

But good for you having the compassion about this.

All the best.