A leap of faith.

[Ptah]

My ex (AKA mother of my two children) has six children.

The father of three of them passed away and his children
want to scatter his ashes according to his wishes.

I have gone six years without a personal vehicle.

One month ago, I purchased a vehicle and I am enjoying my new mobility.



Now 'ex' wants to borrow my vehicle to take five of
her kids on a 700 mile trip.

Should I take that leap?

[Suich]

1. I wouldn't,

unless I was prepared to be without a car again. What if it breaks down on the road? What if there is an accident? What if a tire needs to be replaced?

What year is your car? Do you have full insurance?

Is there a chance she could rent a car instead?

Just my two cents! Good luck!



:hi:

[Inchworm]

2. I wouldn't let my ex borrow a screwdriver

but that's just me :)

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Ptah...

Um, NO.

I mean, really. I might let her borrow the car for a little trip, but 700 miles? NO.

I think she just might be trying to take advantage of you, your new car, and your thoughtfulness.

[Ptah]

28. Have I said something that would lead you to

mistrust her?

[rug]

4. Is one of yours going? What does s/he want you to do?

[Ptah]

18. They are both going and look forward to the trip

[rug]

23. Then, I'd take the leap. When you come down to it, family is worth risking a car.

I'd rather they remember what you do, than what you didn't do.

[Ptah]

25. I appreciate your questioning before opining.

Thanks, rug

[Bertha Venation]

5. I would not.

I wish you clarity while you make your decision and peace once you've made it. :hug:

[Ptah]

29. I'm good to go with it.

:hug:

[MiddleFingerMom]

6. On my return from Germany in the mid-70's, MiddleFingerMomMom was going to give me...

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...her 1964 Dodge Dart convertible (with the push-button transmission).
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About a month before I got home, she lent the car to two college students
for a Spring Break trip (Michigan to Florida) who never bothered to check
the oil before they blew up the engine.
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Nah -- pass on this one... you may not even feel like risking the trip
yourself.
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Greyhound and/or rental car. You don't wanna have to do without another
six years.
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.

[Ptah]

24. I haven't really minded being without a vehicle.

I think it will work out alright.

[LaurenG]

7. No, protect yourself. Does she have parents or siblings?

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. No, you should not take this leap. Can't she lease/rent a car?

There are some reasonable deals out there.

[Ptah]

30. I made it sound like a much greater leap than it really is.

:hug:

[Mokoil]

9. I wouldn't.

Just my opinion.

[Moondog]

10. First, allow me to express my admiration for your willingness

to even consider doing this.

Second, my response. Not no, but hell no.

However, finances permitting, in your place I would cover the cost of a rental car plus mileage, just to keep peace.

You, my friend, are a better man than I am ....

[kayakjohnny]

11. I'm going against the grain and saying yes, give it to her.

It would be a huge leap of faith but also might include some really decent unforseen reward for them and for you. Either immediately or sometime 'down the road'.

If it were for any other reason, I'd say no. But this is a special request and a serious one.

You may worry when they go, as would I, but life has a way of sorting things out, and so often the worst of our fears are never realized. We can't go along wondering about the worst that will happen.

Obviously, it's up to you.

Check your intuition and your feelings about her overall intentions and capacity for being responsible.

And then, I say, let them go say good bye to the father.

(PS...She will owe you a big one in return.)

[Ptah]

19. Thanks, kayakjohnny.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. depends on who your ex is. i would lend it to my ex but she is unlikely to wreck it

but if your ex is the type of person who would, then you know that best

[Ptah]

20. Thanks for thinking about what kind of person she might be.

I'm confident she will take care.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. Then frankly I would do it but it's easy for me to say that cos I live in NYC and don't need a car

So you know take my stance with agrain of salt :)

[Xipe Totec]

13. This is about you, not her. Isn't it.

This is about who you are, and what your own children will think of you.

That is all the guidance I can give you.

[dimbear]

14. There are three things you do not lend.

1. Firearms.

2. Automobiles.

3. Sex partners.


In this case, #3 doesn't apply.

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. For a 700 mile trip that's gonna take a bunch of days? Heck no.

[GoneOffShore]

16. I going with the noes on this one.

A 700 mile trip, maybe.
With 5 kids in the car - a definite NO.

Car sick just doesn't go away.

[Ptah]

17. I should have provided more context.

What if it breaks down on the road?

It is covered by AAA

What if there is an accident?

Accidents happen every where

What if a tire needs to be replaced?

Again, AAA would help with this situation

What year is your car?

Mine is a 2000 minivan.
Hers is a 1995 Explorer that is near the end of a useful life.
Fot several years that Explorer was how we were able to
travel hundreds of miles to visit our son while he was
incarcerated.

Do you have full insurance?

Yes, insurance is current.

Is there a chance she could rent a car instead?

I suppose it is, but I don't mind sharing resources.

Is one of yours going?

Both of my children are going.

What does s/he want you to do?

They are both excited and eager to get out of town.

Does she have parents or siblings?

Her parents are deceased and her sisters live thousands of miles away.

Can't she lease/rent a car?

She could but I don't think it is necessary.

For a 700 mile trip that's gonna take a bunch of days?

Before she and I were married, we spent many days, motoring
about the state, on my motorcycle, camping along the way. I'm confident
she will return safely and grateful for the oppurtuniny to show
her children ( 15 yrs ole to 27 yrs old) some of her favorite scenery.

A 700 mile trip, maybe.
With 5 kids in the car - a definite NO.

They are used to traveling and camping together with a smaller
vehicle.



Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate the varied perspectives to
be found in the Lounge.





:grouphug:

[gmoney]

31. sounds like you've already decided to let her use it

so why the debate?

[Ptah]

32. I was curious about the reaction.

Wanted to know what some of my friends thought.

:hi:

[demmiblue]

35. It doesn't seem like such a leap of faith after your explanations.

I say let her borrow your car.

Good luck!


:hi:

[Ptah]

36. Thank you for reading and thinking, demmiblue

:hi:

[newcriminal]

21. I'm sure it would mean a great deal to her and your children.

I vote yes.

[Ptah]

22. I'm surprised at the number of no votes.

Thanks for the support, newcriminal.

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

26. Can you ask her to set aside the amount of your highest

deductible in case there is a (damage-to-car) accident?

And if she causes an accident, ask her to forever cover the difference in your insurance payments, b/c your insurance will go up if there is an incident.


Speaking from a purely financial standpoint, here. If you feel like you trust her and want your kids to enjoy a trip, that's great.

But money is a different matter, and it's tight for everyone these days. Make sure your ex can cover any issues that arise, since you are being so good as to offer your sole transportation for the length of their trip. Oh, ask her to cover your next oil change, too. :)

[LaurenG]

33. You do realize we were all trying to protect you and coming from our own

past with our own exes. You are trying to be a good person and we were all trying to keep you safe from harm. Your thread has taught me a few things that I won't forget.
One being that I never know who is trying to set me up and two never get into anyone else's business without all the facts. :hi:

edit: typo

[Ptah]

34. I ask so I can learn from other life experiences.

I have few other places to get perspective.

Thanks for your genuine consideration.

[pacalo]

37. Sounds like she's a user.

Don't allow her to take advantage of you. Offer a few dollars toward a car rental to prevent your conscience from getting the best of you -- especially because I know she's going to use the so-your-kids-will-be-safe angle.

Shame on her for asking.

[Ptah]

38. Wow. Your post sounds harsh,

There is no shame in asking for assistance.

Shame rains on you.

[pacalo]

41. I thought you were asking for opinions rather than affirmation, Ptah.

I was giving you an opinion based on my experience with hubby's ex.

My husband was asked by his ex if he would give her a blank check "in case of an emergency". He's soft-hearted where his daughter is concerned, & of course his ex knew that, that he actually told her he would discuss it first with me. I told him to tell her that we'd much rather be called if there were an emergency, that we'd be more than happy to do what we could if the need arose. In the meantime, our bank account should be for my husband's & my access only.

Sorry you didn't like my answer -- I thought you were looking for opinions, silly me.

[Ptah]

42. I am lookiing for opinions.

I was shocked at you characterization of her as a user.

Your experiences are directly opposite mine.

I cry for you.

[pacalo]

43. No need to cry for me. Because of tactful boundaries that were established --

& that incident happened when we were first married 30 years ago, the ex actually respected me.

I see now that you were only looking for posts that reaffirmed a decision you'd already made. Apparently, you did have some reservations if you asked about it.

And you're sensitive about the word "user". Sorry I stepped on a land mine.

[newcriminal]

39. What in this thread would make you say she sounds like a user?

[demmiblue]

40. This I don't get:

why would Ptah not want his kids to be safe (as well as the ex & and the other children)? Why is it an angle?

If I were Ptah, I would want those children to have the safest transportation possible.

:shrug:

[MiddleFingerMom]

44. Sorry... but this one doesn't work -- SAFEST transportation would be a late-model rental.

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Safest for the children.
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Safest for Ptah.
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If you're using "safety" as one of the biggest factors.
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[JustABozoOnThisBus]

45. Sure, why not? You can do without for a couple of days.

Just make sure you check the fluids, brakes, etc. And make sure she's covered by insurance.

Expect to do some major upholstery cleaning when it's returned.

:hi:

[Skittles]

46. no, and she should not have asked

certainly not this soon.....and 700 miles? No.

[Deep13]

47. Shit, no! nt