Did I tell this (military) joke here before? (NOT a put-down of Branch; a put-down of officers)

[UTUSN]

So this officer was being shown around the Army camp in Afghanistan, as the next officer in charge.

Tents. There was a camel tethered behind one tent.

The officer said, "What's that camel doing there, Sergeant?"

The sergeant said, "Oh, that's Sally, sir. You know, there aren't any women in the camp, so we use her when we get horny."

The officer was taken aback but recovered himself and said, "Well, that doesn't sound right, but I'm not going to make any changes right away. I'll think about it."

So a month went by and the officer (finally) got horny and said, "Sergeant, bring Sally around."

So they did and had a ladder and all, but the officer said, "No, no, put it around the back."


And (nevermind).

So when the officer got down the ladder, he said, "Well, Sergeant, is that the way the men do it?"

The sergeant was taken aback and said, "Uh, no, Sir, usually we ride Sally into town: That's where the girls are."

[Old Troop]

1. As a retired officer, this offends me.

We would never do a camel; we'd order someone else to and have them describe the feeling to us.

[MiddleFingerMom]

3. As an ex-Sergeant... I can tell you...

.
.
.
.
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... we would pretend to be unwilling...
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.
.
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... and then lie to you about the experience.
.
.
.

[sarge43]

6. Sir, don't bs the civilians

Officers would keep the camel and issue the troops a dead one.

[Kaleva]

2. As a former enlisted man, I thought the joke was quite funny!

[hayu_lol]

4. Yeah Kaleva...if officers only knew...

hilarious.

[cherokeeprogressive]

5. We once sent a young female Petty Officer on a search through every work center in the hangar

looking for Fallopian Tube. "We need ten feet of Fallopian Tube". She took off, only to come back an hour later so pissed that she was shaking.

Back in the day when women weren't allowed on Navy ships, we sent a kid on a search for a "Padeye Stretcher". He was gone for something like four hours. Padeyes are little dimples in the flight deck of aircraft carriers with steel webs welded into the top of them and they are used to hook aircraft tie-down chains into.

I was once working Saturday duty on the "flight line", which is where in the context of aviation, ground operations take place, when a young Marine walked a mile to our "line shack", which was a little building out on the "flight line". It was Florida, it was early afternoon, and it was about 102 degrees with something like 90% humidity. We saw him coming from a mile away. When he got to our line shack, which was the ONLY building withing at least 500 yards, he KNOCKED ON THE DOOR as if we didn't know he was there. When we opened the door, he was soaking wet with sweat, and said "That other line shack back there said you guys had the FLIGHT LINE. My squadron needs about a hundred feet of it. I was told that you could cut me off a hundred feet from what you have."

My supervisor, who actually answered the door, said "Shit man, we just gave it to THAT line shack", and pointed to the next line shack, which was at least another quarter mile down the flight line from where we stood.

The Marine slumped his shoulders, and said "Thanks".

About twenty minutes later, we saw the Marine double-timing it back in the direction he came from and found out with a phone call that the next line shack finally told him he'd been sent on a wild goose chase.

I can only imagine how badly he was fucked with when he got back to his OWN line shack.

Anyone here a Shellback?

[sarge43]

7. We'd send the newbies to find File 13. n/t

[Old Troop]

13. And we sent them to find the back-blast bags for our AT weapons.

[sarge43]

18. One stripers - so easy, so much fun. n/t

[jmowreader]

11. The best backfired wild goose chase I ever heard of

This happened in the early 1980s at Fort Bragg, NC: some kid got sent to the M-551 Sheridan tank battalion organic to the 82nd Airborne. (Yes, at one time the 82nd Airborne, where EVERYONE is trained to jump out of a perfectly good airplane*, had a battalion of airdroppable tanks.) The crew they sent our young hero to was pulling the engine out of a Sheridan. The tank commander looked at the guy and told him, "this job would be much easier with a skyhook. Go find us one."

While this poor bastard was looking in warehouses and under rocks for a skyhook, he managed to meet this distinguished gentleman:



This is Lieutenant General Jack V. "Fat Jack" Mackmull, who at the time was the corps commander. Fat Jack had a problem: the troops loved this guy so much because he didn't put up with bullshit from leaders at ANY level. This guy would have told Ronald Reagan to go fuck himself, in those exact words, if it would have been necessary. He ALSO would tell an E-5 to go fuck himself if that were necessary, and in this case it was. When he found out this guy was looking for a skyhook, he took the troop back to corps headquarters and told him "I'll get you a skyhook."

He then called the tank battalion commander and told him, "I found Private Snuffy away from his place of duty looking for a skyhook…so I'm going to send you one for a whole week. I am going to receive daily skyhook utilization reports from my skyhook operator, and if I feel my skyhook is not being properly utilized I'm going to relieve the entire chain of command of that battalion."

This is the skyhook he sent:



* Know how to convince someone to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? Make it so loud inside the troops can't wait to get out.

[Old Troop]

14. Oh man! I served under fat Jack in the 101. Two stories (and you'll

know they're true because I say "really, this was no bullshit"). I'm commanding Alpha company Rakassans and we're doing a division run. PFC *** is carrying the company guidon (he had been promoted at least 4 grades above his ability). As the company rounds a corner with the rest of the division, he sees a rather rotund individual in PT uniform standing on the sidewalk. He lunges at the individual, yelling "run with us, fat boy!" You can imagine who it was. I got to meet my entire chain of command including MG McMull that afternoon.
When he arrived at the division, I had a scout platoon that was chopped to do recon for the division S2 during an exercise. I reported to the DTOC to hear the senior officers loudly complaining that Fat Jack had closed the general's mess and they had to eat what the troops got.

[cherokeeprogressive]

16. I can't remember how many poor airmen we sent looking for "prop wash". n/t

[Inchworm]

12. We'd send new folks in for "the keys to the plane"

Each shop would play it off and send them to another shop...

good times.

:hi:

[Mugu]

17. Trusty Shellback here. CV-64 78-79. n/t

[cherokeeprogressive]

19. CV-66 82-83

Started as a non-rate Plane Captain and got out in 89 as an AMS1 about to take the Chief's test. Knee injury ended all that.

God damn I loved working on the flight deck...

[krispos42]

20. Maybe have her look for a bee-ay-one-one-zero-zero-en. With tether.

:rofl:

[mcollins]

8. Heard this before, but it was

Sheep, Sheep Herders, and Wyoming.

[sarge43]

9. Many blonde jokes are recycled as lieutent jokes. n/t

[MrScorpio]

10. As a retired USAF NCO...

I have no doubt that an Army officer would fuck a camel.

[Old Troop]

15. Take it from an old, tired infantry officer; we'd fuck a rock if we thought

there was a snake under it.