Talking to 6-year-old about September 11th - backlash from teacher:

[rbnyc]

So, my 6-year-old son is obsessed with World War II and the military in general. Being conscious that we were near the anniversary of Pearl Harbor last night, he asked me if Pearl Harbor was the last time anyone ever attacked our country. I said no. He asked me when the last time someone attacked us was.

I’ll pause here. He is only 6. He’s always been very curious, asks a lot of questions and gets some concepts that his peers either don’t understand or haven’t been given the opportunity to understand, mostly in the subjects of math, science and history. He also has had some trouble fitting in at school. He seems to get along with kids, he has friends, and seems to be very popular at parties. But he has had some impulse control issues and trouble following rules and routines. He’s been evaluated many times. He’s not diagnosable. I’m sure he’s not neurotypical. But all that’s been measurably shown is high IQ and some borderline sensory integration issues. Our impression has been that he is different and challenging and that many teachers don’t like working with him.

So, back to his question: I feel that if Garrison asks a question, even if it’s about sex, war, crime, politics or other “adult” topics, I should answer him honestly. I try to use language he will understand, and explain in a basic and uncomplicated way, as much as possible. But I answer him. So I told him about September 11th. I told him that a group of people who were angry at America hijacked airplanes and used them as weapons. I told him that 2 of those planes crashed into 2 buildings in New York where daddy used to work. I told him that mommy and daddy weren’t at work that day, that we were home in our old apartment in Brooklyn, but we could see the buildings fall and burn across the river. I told him that 3,000 people were killed. He asked what country attacked us. I said it wasn’t a country. It was a group of people called Al-Qaeda. He asked me why they were mad at us. I told him that sometimes countries sharing the same planet don’t think about how their actions affect others and get mad at each other. He asked me if we declared war on Al-Qaeda. I said that in a way we did, but that since they are not a country, it’s been a hard thing for us to do and a lot of innocent people have died, which always happens when there’s war. That’s why mommy wishes we would find other ways to solve our problems.

He was satisfied with all this.

Tonight I got a call from his teacher. Today, during his journal time in which he is permitted to write and draw about whatever he wants, he drew a picture of airplanes crashing into building in New York. She asked what he was drawing and he told her it was Al-Qaeda attacking New York City on September 11th. She said that other kids heard him and wanted to know what Al-Qaeda was. She said she was very distressed about the situation and wanted to know if I had been teaching him about Al-Qaeda. I described the scene pretty much exactly as I have above, and added that I was planning to look into resources about talking about September 11th with children in anticipation of further questions.

She really did imply that I had made a mistake and that he was too young to be learning about this, but was glad I was seeking some “expert guidance.” I told her I was glad she called, and that she should never hesitate to communicate with me if she ever has any concerns about Garrison.

I’m kind of pissed. I think that him asking questions, getting answers and then processing those answers through artwork in his journal is a perfect way learn and grow around these complicated issues. I think that her main concern was being put in a position where a child might ask her a question and she would have to recommend they talk to their mom or dad, and that would create controversy and discomfort. I also think we just live in a culture of fear and she is a prisoner of fear in a system that is paralyzed by fear.

Also, I had the impression that she wasn’t aware that today is Pearl Harbor day. I have no confidence in her and I think Garrison is being censored.

This sucks, because Garrison needs us to trust each other and work together in order for him to get the most out of school and work up to his potential.

Thoughts?

[Liberal Jesus Freak]

1. Sure.

You're a great parent and Garrison has a terrific chance of being a well-adjusted adult. Just my opinion :hug:

[rbnyc]

2. Thank you so much!!

It's tough out there. I try to teach him just to be honest and do his best. I guess that goes for me too.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I think you're doing exactly the right thing for your son.

The teacher needs to go soak her head.

I mean, really!

Maybe he would be happier in a school that is more sensitive to his intellect?

:shrug:

[rbnyc]

6. My dear CaliforniaPeggy -

Thanks so much. I know some folks may not think I acted wisely, but I really was hoping for some support. I'm glad to have found it.

I am hoping to keep him in public school. We just have to be a good advocate for him without alienating the teachers.

I feel like sending him to school tomorrow with a peanut butter sandwich and see if the place just shuts down or implodes.

We did have a very good experience with his kindergarten teacher. She was wonderful.

[tigereye]

18. no harm in being honest- he asked and you answered

[pitohui]

4. wow is the teacher mentally challenged or something?

she thinks you are not allowed to talk to your own kid about an attack on america THAT YOU WITNESSED THAT STRUCK A BUILDING WHERE THE CHILD'S FATHER USED TO WORK???? he's too young to know about something that actually happened, that you actually saw?

holy cow, i would say that he should have already been aware of this, at least in the background, and he prob. was, hence the reason he asked the question

how old would the teacher like you to wait to inform your child that you were witnesses to 9-11 and maybe just maybe you have some feelings about being under attack like that?

to delay telling the kid until he's "old enough" -- that's the real betrayal, that's what causes kids to wonder what else you lied about -- YOU did the right thing, i hated the fact that my parents hid stuff from me, it sure didn't make me feel more secure

the kid asked a good question and you answered honestly, if the teacher has a problem with that, well, i agree, i wouldn't have any confidence in this teacher either

kids are gonna hear about 911 from other kids esp. if they live in new york, i mean it's ridiculous to think this stuff can be hidden...i was angry as a kid that my parents "hid" (not very well because of all that awkward stuff about having to hide in the basement in october 1962) the threat of nuclear war hanging over our heads, kids know very well if there are bad people out there taking pot shots at your country and pretending kids don't know is just hurtful and insulting to the kid's intelligence

YOU did the right thing, teacher sounds like an idiot, you honor and respect the kid's intelligence, the teacher doesn't

[rbnyc]

7. No Doubt!

Now I'm fired up! You are so right!

I never sat down with Garrison before and explained like I did last night, but I never hid anything from him. His Grandpa's birthday is September 11th (which is why my husband and I were playing hookie - we were planning to come out to the island and go out on the boat with him because it was such a beautiful day.) Anyway, the anniversaries of the attacks may have been somewhat shielded from Garrison by grandpa's birthday.

But I'm really glad he asked about it. It's part of our community history and our family history.

I should write her a letter.

[woo me with science]

8. +10000

Very nice response. The OP handled this beautifully, IMO.

Kids are people, family members, and citizens as much as any adult, and they should be aware of important events going on around us at the level they are able to comprehend. It sounds like this teachers is of the bubble wrap variety.

[deutsey]

26. She's probably one of those types who think we're supposed to keep our kids

in a bubble of so-called "innocence" for as along a possible.

I think the OP did the right thing. It's how I am with my kids anyway. When they have a question about anything, I try to answer it honestly (but, like the OP, I am mindful of what I think they can understand and handle).

[siligut]

5. Some teachers believe that being a teacher entitles them to think they know everything.

And this teacher sounds like one of them.

[rbnyc]

9. I think she's just having a bad year.

I heard great things about her. But so far, she doesn't follow through on things she says she is going to do, and Garrison's behavior seems more of an issue to her because she has a large class, and not because of the behavior itself.

She seems burned out.

[elleng]

21. That's really too bad, that she's having a bad year.

Sounds to me, from what you said, that she's open if troubled, and from your approach, you will be able to assuage this a bit, and keep her 'good,' if not return her to 'great.'

Good luck to you and your dear son.

:thumbsup:

[Withywindle]

10. I don't understand why she'd expect you to hide something like from him.

It makes no sense. It was a real thing that happened that even had a connection to your family. It may be ancient history to him (before he was born) but I bet it's still pretty fresh in your mind. Sounds like you did a great job of explaining it too.

OHNOEZ SIX-YEAR-OLDS KNOW ABOUT 9/11. It's weird to me that this would even be an issue. Lots of kids were six years old on that day and heard all about it. Some witnessed it. Some lost parents and other loved ones.

I don't think trying desperately to shelter children from all that's upsetting and scary in the world does them any favors, really.

Sounds like the teacher just doesn't want to deal with anything that could be potentially awkward at all...which, wow, isn't SHE in the wrong profession!

[rbnyc]

12. I feel so much better.

I am very susceptible to other people's point of view and she had me wondering for a second if I was wrong. But how could I have acted anny other way? I'm so glad I asked you guys. This is what drew me to DU in the first place, to find other sane smart people who are willing to be engaged in the world.

Thanks.

[Kali]

11. she probably doesn't have a lot of experience with 6 yearolds that are that bright

probably worried the other kids might pick up some unplanned real knowledge and mess up the schedule - or even worse get their parents riled up.

I think you did well, you son sounds fabulous - enjoy him and realize that he is good for the other kids whatever happens. One of the forgotten ideals of a public education is THE PUBLIC part - being exposed to diversity and community.

[rbnyc]

13. Thanks. Garrison is awesome.

And I think it WAS about getting other parents riled up.

[Gormy Cuss]

14. Sounds like she was annoyed that she wasn't prepared to address the issue.

Beyond that it's hard to say from a distance. Good on you for explaining it to your son in terms that felt appropriate for his age and comprehension skills. IMHO children do better with age-appropriate information rather than being treated like they're too young to understand any of it.

[rbnyc]

16. Thanks.

I think if it weren't for his history of disruptive behavior and little-boy fascination with the army and guns, she MAY not have been so distressed. But I also feel it was about her own discomfort. The worst part is that I don't really like her or trust her and I have to get over that so we can work together.

[marzipanni]

15. My son, Will, was your son's age on 9/11/2001

I almost always listen to the radio while I'm in the kitchen in the morning, when I heard what was happening in N.Y.C. (being 3 hours earlier here in California) I told my husband and we turned on the television. Will saw the coverage on TV and asked questions.
A couple of weeks after that, in that post 9/11 flurry of patriotism, some older men from the American Legion visited the elementary schools to teach the younger kids the pledge of allegience. When Will got home he had a paper about the visit, and I asked if he could say the pledge.
He recited it but at the end he said, "One nation, under guard, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Out of the mouths of babes. ;)

I hope your son has plenty of teachers who appreciate and encourage him- Hurray for parents, students, and teachers who don't always color within the lines!

[rbnyc]

17. under guard

That's amazing.

Your post made me think of an old phrase, "God bless the grass that grows between the cracks."

[XemaSab]

19. That's a hard talk to have

:(

[REP]

20. The teacher is an idiot

You taught your child factual information in your home. Your child used a free writing/drawing period to process (and maybe demonstrate) this new knowledge. Your child was doing nothing wrong, and you sure as hell did nothing wrong. The teacher was out of line. And it's not just me who thinks this - SIL and best friend, both teachers, agree!

[rbnyc]

29. I'm glad to hear some teachers also agree.

She seems squeamish in general. Poor Garrison. He had an incident in after-school recently where he made a drawing of things a soldier uses, including helmet, canteen, boots, knife, grenade and guns. The after-school counselor told us that he can't draw weapons in the after school program. We explained that he didn't do anything wrong, but that we have to respect other people's sensitivities and their rules when we are in their space. I am not thrilled with his interest in the military either, but he's a little boy. I think it's pretty normal for a little boy. I feel like if I'm reactionary and prohibitive, it will make things worse. If I'm open and communicative, he will grow to put it all inperspective.

Sigh.

[deutsey]

32. Yes, as a recovering little boy myself, I had an avid interest in playing with toy guns

and interested in military history.

I grew up, however, to be a peace activist and proponent of non-violence.

Results may vary, but that's what happened to me. :hi:

[MicaelS]

40. Just another foolish school employee

And there are plenty of them around today. I encountered one right here a while back. I told her when I was a kid, I used to draw pictures of warfare, and I turned out perfectly normal. She said if I had done that in her class, she would have brought it to the attention of the school administration, and then contacted my parents. I just shook my head, and then thought she is a perfect example of why many Americans no longer respect or support teachers.

[Capn Sunshine]

22. Your boy sounds like a normal very intelligent kid

Sometimes these days parents obsess about their kids, and if I were to guess, it sounds like he's a normal really smart little boy who bores easily and prefers to be elsewhere when that happens. This means it's hard to keep still, and sometimes he'd rather do something else. Speaking from personal experience. I'm sure if I were a kid today they would have dosed me with ritalin or somesuch.
Not every kid appreciates the part of schooling where they have to line up, sit down , be quiet and other things asssociated with good kids.

[rbnyc]

30. You have it exactly right.

Thanks.

[msanthrope]

23. Can I give you a bit of advice?

I have a child with Aspergers. Sometimes, we have very far-reaching conversations.

Sometimes, I have to remind my daughter that certain things are 'family business' and not meant for public consumption. Other things are 'not public topics.' Do I like doing this? No. But I've learned that children who are not NT sometimes say and do things that make others uncomfortable--and that makes it more difficult for the child to integrate into group settings.

This does not mean I think what you did was wrong--in fact, the teacher sounds like a dolt.

[rbnyc]

31. Good advice.

Actually, at bedtime, my husband tried explaining this. It sucks, but it's just reality.

[surrealAmerican]

24. The teacher is most likely afraid to discuss this in class because ...

... other parents, who haven't discussed it with their children, will complain.

What you and your son did is completely appropriate, but her reaction is not unusual, and is the sort of thing you will be seeing more of as your son goes through school.

Don't take it personally, and definitely don't let it change the way you relate to your child.

[Arkansas Granny]

25. You did the right thing by answering your son's questions. If a child

asks a serious question, he/she deserves a serious answer. Of course, you have to tailor it to be age appropriate, but it should be truthful and understandable. It sounds like you did just that.

[deutsey]

27. I think you did the right thing

It's how I am with my kids, anyway.

One thing you could do is talk to your son about why the teacher or kids may have been unsettled by his drawing (while praising his attempt to express himself/make sense of the event through his drawing). You could also use the opportunity to discuss how art can often elicit from people the kind of response the teacher had.

[rbnyc]

33. Good idea (nt)

[seabeyond]

28. i have heard this all while my kids were growing up. i do and did the same with my boys.

a takes it way beyond a lot of adults comfort zone. and if it is a differing view my kids (especially oldest) gets a condescending attitutde, battle in conversation that would leave my son in wonder, perplexed, why the adult was attacking him in that manner.

i let kid draw conclusions, discuss, go all over the board. told them always, dont parrot me. gather info and come to own conclusions, right or wrong. be informed. think.

at 6 and 7 and 8 and 12 and even 15, it is merely at those levels and ability to conceptualize. i would hope the adult could realize that. but often they do not.

you are doing a good job. keep it up.

at 13 and 15 my boys are so advanced in their ability to think, process and conclude. it is a benefit to them in all areas of their lives. it is making teenage years really really easy for us, that parents and ultimately my boys too.

i have been told to let boys be kids. they read adult material and oldest has since a very young age. they have been a part of social behaviors always. they are kids. not the kid that society demands and expects and then complains about. but they are certainly kids

[Chan790]

34. Don't be so sure that he's not neurotypical.

It's a bit off-topic but I kinda have to say this. Don't be so sure that he's not neurotypical...and make sure he says intellectually-engaged, no matter how much of a pain in the ass he becomes to teachers or you. I spent most of the time between 12 and 28 completely-lost because nobody wanted to force me to engage academically and intellectually...and I learned about age 6 that being the exceptional child did little other than earn the ire of adults around me.

I was that kid in school. The description was to a tee...and they were so convinced despite hundreds of results that I simply could not be completely neurotypical that they spent years tying to cram me into a diagnosis, any diagnosis, to explain why a 6 year old kid could spend an uncensored afternoon in the library reading about a topic and come home vastly-more-knowledgeable than his teachers on the subject. I was a pain in the ass. We're learning the solar system and I'm trying to debate the teacher on celestial mechanics. They're learning addition and I'm frustrated that I have to 2+2+2+2=8 when I know 2^3=8. So they said I was ADHD and disruptive and forced me onto Ritalin. I preferred books to people (people were condescending, books weren't) so they said I had social anxiety. I disliked my classmates intensely so clearly I had Aspergers. About this time, I realized I only had to work about a quarter as hard as my classmates to get B's...so I worked exactly as hard as I had to to get B's and C's. I'm probably the worst student to ever be a state spelling-bee finalist, Math-lympian, NatGeo Geography Bee semifinalist, CT-state Academic Bowl contestant. I graduated solidly in the bottom 1/3 of my HS class. College was a wakeup call having not been intellectually-challenged in my entire life and thoroughly lacking in study-skills or perseverance...my grades the first time through were awful but I graduated. Now...wanting to go to grad school, I'm faced with almost another 3 years of non-degree baccalaureate work (while actually trying and being prepared this time) to get my GPA high enough to get into a decent Masters program.

What I am is completely and utterly neurotypical with a painfully-high IQ (174) and exceptional absorption and retention of information. A perfect autodidact, there isn't a subject on Earth I can't teach myself to a Ph.D candidate level given a long enough period of study time. (And not a very-long period of time.)

[seabeyond]

36. really interesting post.

if you read my above yours, i am talking about my oldest. i see such similarities. people have always wanted to contagorize him in something. i have done research on all the isms and see a little here, a little there and never do i say, that is it.

i have reduced him to .... fuzzy brain and leave it at that. we have found tools over the years that help him, but bottom line.... different. but what a wonderful different.

interesting post of yours. thanks.

[rbnyc]

39. So glad you shared that.

It made me think of how mad Garrison was on the first day of school when he saw that the number line started at zero. He wanted to know why they were hiding the negative numbers.

We play a lot of math games at home and research on any topic that gets his interest. He has a website where he collects links on subjects he likes learning about.

He's been evaluated because pre-school teachers wouldn't work with him unless we did so. It was an interesting process.

Whatever happens, we will never put him on medication!

He could probably use a mentor who's as smart as he is. I'm pretty sure he's smarter than me. ;)

[hamsterjill]

35. I don't like that she questioned what you do with your son in your own home

I think you handled the matter with respect and diplomacy, and I like your comment to the teacher indicating that she is welcome to call you on anything. Parents certainly need to maintain communication with a child's teacher.

But I kind of feel like she was intruding too far here. She was questioning something that you did with your child in your own home. I think that comes very close to her going too far. It is your decision, as Garrison's parent, when and how to explain world events to him. If that makes her job as a teacher difficult in any way (i.e., the other children asking questions), then it is part of her job to deal with those questions. I do sense some insecurity on her part as you commented, as well. Fear that the other children will ask questions and she won't know what to say.

I mean what if you were explaining the birds and the bees, and she didn't approve of the way you conveyed that to your son? It's basically none of her business unless it does have an impact on her classroom.

Your responsibility is to your child, of course, and you've handled that beautifully. It is the teacher's responsibility to handle any student's questions when they are asked within the classroom.

[seabeyond]

37. i always welcome the teacher asking.

and a chance to express and explain. because our home life is so different from many in this area, i like for the teachers to see different isnt bad, and see outside the box then trying to conform what they see with their understandings that will inevitably be wrong, hurting the child from lack of understanding.

i always welcome a question.

[rbnyc]

41. I emailed her to recap our conversation...

...and to thank her again for being so engaged. She emailed me back and said she just wanted me to know what was happening in school. It sounds like she's changed her tone a little after absorbing my explanation.

I feel much better after all the support here, and touching base with her again.

[Mopar151]

38. When you're a bright kid

It's a bitch when you find out some grown-ups ain't so smart. And worse when you find out you've gotta dumb down to get by.

[WinkyDink]

42. Guarantee you this teacher is not very knowledgeable.

[SteppingRazor]

43. I can see the teacher's side, definitely.

Just remove yourself totally from the situation and look at it as a fly on the wall. Here's this teacher, teaching, what, 1st grade? And she's got kids doing free-time drawing stuff. What are the other kids drawing? My guess is a house with their Mom and Dad inside, rainbows and ponies ... you know, typical kid stuff. And then she comes to Garrison, and he's drawing airplanes crashing into buildings.

I don't think it's wrong for the teacher to be concerned and just give a call home to make sure everything's OK. Hell, I'd applaud the teacher for taking a pro-active role instead of just saying, "Oh, look, kid drawing a terrorist attack. Whatever. Is it lunch time yet?"


Now, if she then went on to somehow punish your child for his drawing, censor him, or what have you, that'd be another matter. But it doesn't sound like that's the case.

On the other hand, I definitely see your side of this too. You had a direct experience with this terrorist attack, and you want to be upfront and honest with your kid when he asks you a question. That should be applauded.

Basically, I think both you and the teacher are doing what you/she think is best for the child here, and I wouldn't begrudge your teacher that.

[rbnyc]

44. I'm glad she called.

But she told me what I was telling him was not age appropriate. That did make me mad. But since we talked more, I feel like she gets the context and is less freaked out.

I thin your post is astute.

[KamaAina]

45. Why didn't you just read him "My Pet Goat"?

:sarcasm:

[AngryAmish]

46. His name is Garrison?

[rbnyc]

48. Yes.

And yes.

[old mark]

47. Both my wife and I had trouble in school, because we could read very far

ahead of what was expected of us. We both had problems with teachers throughout school, even though we went to schools many miles and many years apart. Schools are designed for average kids, and teachers are not happy with those of us who are not in the envelope. Keep supporting your son, and try to find some other ways for him to learn other than in school if the situation continues.
FWIW, both of us have IQ's around 150 and we are both creative.
I dropped out of college several times, my wife graduated with honors after nearly being thrown out of her high school-they graduated her to get rid of her.


mark

[rbnyc]

49. Funny...

I almost failed out of high scholl and did really well at a great college.

Sad that the world is harder for smart kids.

[old mark]

52. Sadder that the world is MADE harder for smart kids by laziness, fear and ignorance

in our schools...and elsewhere in our culture. It turned out well for us, and I wish your boy happiness and success.

mark

[demmiblue]

50. Six years old... wow. I am so surprised by the responses in this thread.

SIX YEARS OLD, PEOPLE!

Just because a child may be intellectually bright, it doesn't mean that they are emotionally able to handle the realities of life at the level the OP has mentioned.

The teacher was 100% right, IMHO.


:wtf:

[peace13]

51. My mom was 65 on 911 and she still can't handle it. Age doesn't really have anything to do with this

I think a parent should prepare their children the way they feel fit. When my son was three and a half he asked, 'What he would be when he was just these thoughts and feeling and not these bones.' As a parent you have to be prepared for any question. A good answer is better than a lie.

[rbnyc]

54. Thanks

It's not easy and it's not black and white. We just have to do what we think is right.

[chemenger]

53. Having no children, I have a couple few questions re: your description of Garrison

What are you saying when you describe him as "... having some impulse control issues", "... not diagnosable", "... not neurotypical", "... some borderline sensory integration issues"

Never having had any interest in physchology I quite honestly don't understand these terms.

I realize that in this fucked up crazy society (I'm not so sure about "progressive" or "enlighteded" society) we live in there is the desire to establish definition for what society accepts as being "normal" behavior and to identify, catagorize and label deviations from that norm. IMHO all 6 year olds are demanding, temper tantrum throwing pains in the ass (which is one reason why I'm glad I never had any) But for Chrissakes he's a 6 year old kid and an individual. When I was a kid (many long years ago) it was called acting up. When I acted up I got a crack (or two) on my ass which was usually sufficient to settle my ass down.

[rbnyc]

55. Having 2 working parents...

...pretty much means that a child needs to be in pre-school at the earliest possible age. My impression is that most pre-schools are prepared to handle a certain type of child, docile and compliant. What we've heard early childhood professionals say to us is that there just isn't a high enough teacher to child ratio to allow them to deal with children that need extra attention or guidance to adjust to classroom routines and group activities. Also, teachers are trained to recognize signs of learning disabilities, ADD, autism, etc. and the protocol with which we've been confronted is that a child who exhibits these signs needs to be evaluated by professionals or else s/he can't continue in the school. However, the result of his 3 evaluations has been that the school is not prepared to handle him.

However, none of the evaluation found that he had enough indicators to place him on the autism spectrum or assign him any other specific label that would usually come with access to special service - like a high teacher to child ratio school.

All that was determined was that he had a high IQ, that his language and math comprehension was 3 years ahead of his peers and that he was close to being diagnosable in terms of sensory integration disorder, but not quite.

Sensory integration disorder, as far as I understand, has to do with hyper or hypo sensitivity to sound, taste, touch, and/or visual stimulation. It's just the brain learning how to process what the body is telling it, and it gets jumbled up or developes at a different rate for some kids. We were told that Garrison was close to being diagnosable as hypo-sensitive to tactile stimulation, which caused him to seek out strong tactile stimulation which explained why he would run into walls and throw himself off furniture and do other things that might look like hyper activity. And we were told that he was hyper-sensitive to sound, which is why in a large pre-school class he would have trouble understanding what was going on around him and become uncommunicative which can look like autism. But neither of these tendencies were to the point of being a disability or qualifying him for anything. He was expected to grow out of them and he pretty much has.

But from the ages of 3-5 he did exhibit a lot of impulse control issues which made it hard for him to adjust to the classroom setting. This is pretty much stuff like biting, hitting and pushing when he's mad. He's pretty much grown out of this too.

Now in first grade, he does things like walk out of the classroom when he's bored, forget to bring home his homework, talk without raising his hand, and argue about every rule.

He follows rules and routines well at home. But there are only three of us here, and he feels like he's a part of things. He's bought in to our rules because we involve him. We set the limitations, but he is a full participant here.

I think he just doesn't like being part of the crowd.

But he has to learn how to get along or he's not going to be successful.

I think there are some really good things about recognizing and responding to learning disabilities and other "conditions" in children, but I also strongly believe in neurodiversity. I think that there are just many different ways that people think and learn and process information, and it might not be very helpful to treat these differences like they are diseases, especially since I think many of them may be a reaction to environmental factor and not innate conditions.

It's a tough system to negotiate when you have a child who stands out. Especially if you are a parent who stands out.

EDIT: typo and there may be more 'cause I'm running to work. Have a good day everyone.

[rbnyc]

56. Checking in from work -

I realize I said that kids can be innately wired differently, and that some of these "conditions" could be a reaction to the environment and those two things kind of contradict each other. I think they are both true. I'd love to get into a deeper conversation about that sometime when I am not supposed to be working. ;)

[chemenger]

57. I would think that docile and compliant children grow up to be

docile and compliant adults. Now that is a scary thought.

ON EDIT: God, it sounds like every kid should be packaged with an instruction manual and a rule book.