Oh noes--conundrum! Need Loungers' advice ASAP regarding my novel!

[MorningGlow]

Halp Loungers! I have nearly finished writing my novel (only got two more scenes to go), and I suddenly realized that it contains absolutely NO traces of vampires, werewolves, or zombies. What should I DO???

[nuxvomica]

1. Other: upload it to Authonomy

We need to dilute the high concentration of vampires, werewolves and zombies there. We are being overwhelmed by them. It would be even better if your novel has no (1) serial killer, (2) time traveller or (3) single person just trying to find the right mate.

[MorningGlow]

2. That is something to consider

after I finish editing. I do not, in fact, have 1) a serial killer, 2) a time traveler, or 3)...uh oh. I do have a single person trying to win the guy of her dreams, I'm afraid, because I am just a hopeless romantic at heart. Even though there is more to the story, I will go slit my wrists now, as a matter of honor.

[Demoiselle]

3. Don't you dare change it, MG!

Sounds just fine. All the best. (Do we tell novelists to "break a thumb?")

[MorningGlow]

11. Aw, thanks, Demoiselle

I hope an agent and then a publisher thinks so eventually! LOL not sure about "break a thumb" but I hope not--I kinda use 'em a lot for the spacebar. :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[nuxvomica]

4. Don't slit your wrists

The distinction of scenario #3 is that it at least occurs in real life more frequently than it does in books. ;)

[LawnKorn]

5. Change the title to include the words "Part One"

Then put the serial vampire zombie killer in part two.

[kentauros]

7. And then kill them off in the first scene,

ala "Police Squad!"

[MorningGlow]

15. Now THAT I would be happy to do!

:evilgrin:

[MorningGlow]

10. Ooh a series

Publishers like that. Thanks! :hi:

[rug]

6. Just throw in a threesome with a vampire, a werefolf and a zomble.

"I will suck your blood."

"I will eat your brains."

"Ah-wooooo!"

[MorningGlow]

12. You know, Rug, that'd sell!

Go for it!
:rofl:

[struggle4progress]

8. Use "find and replace." It's quick and easy

[MorningGlow]

13. Snerk

Tempting. :evilgrin:

[nolabear]

9. Other. Love it like it deserves to be loved and be really brave while you work to get it published.

I'm in a somewhat similar boat. I've got a good finished ms and am now in the really ridiculously hard process of looking for representation, (I swear writing a synopsis is harder than writing a book) while simultaneously trying to decide whether I ought to just let Amazon publish it (either Kindle or CreateSpace) and get it out there where it will get read and might get some attention.

And I don't have a singel zombie or vampire either, but I think the shark might have been jumped on that one for now. I think alien lovers will be next on the list. Of course I don't have those either.

Love to know what the story IS about.

And good luck! We're a brave, crazy breed, us writers.

[MorningGlow]

14. Drat--I don't have alien lovers either

I am not a good trend-spotter. x(

My story is a simple romantic comedy but I devote more time to the main character's growth as a person instead of just the airhead-like chick-lit trope of "must find man...must find man..." I hope it flies.

Good luck to you too! What's your about? :hi:

[seabeyond]

16. yes, but does it have any shapeshifters, esp'ers or SEALS.... grinnin. nt

[MorningGlow]

19. OMG it doesn't! I'm dooooooomed!

:D

[taterguy]

17. The ratio of people that write novels to people that buy them is about 1 to 1

The odds are not in your favor no matter characters are in your masterpiece.

Good luck!

[nolabear]

18. That is not true. And I can't imagine why you'd write something so discouraging and mean.

Look, I write, I teach writing (admittedly way more poetry than prose), my writing gets published (see previous parenthetical) and I know almost as many writers as I know shrinks (my other hat). Lots of people think they could write if they'd only do it, but they don't. Many do, but lack talent or determination or the ability to hear critiques or whatever, so they have something in a drawer. It takes an astonishing level of determination and faith to pursue having a novel published, but if you can write and have enough faith in your work to get it out there you are, in fact, far different from most and deserve respect. The idea that people don't read is incorrect. The idea that as many people write as read is absurd, and the willingness to make such an awful comment to an aspiring author leaves my mouth gaping at your cruelty.

[MorningGlow]

20. Well aren't you a ray of sunshine!

:P

[taterguy]

21. You asked for advice. I gave it. What's the problem?

:P

[MorningGlow]

22. You are farting in my general direction, that's what!

:P

[taterguy]

24. I'm not telling you not to do it, just letting you know what the odds are

No different than when people told me it was a really bad idea to attempt to hike from the South Rim of the Grand Canyon down to the Colorado River and back in one day.

I did it anyway and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life; but the odds were not in my favor.

I wish you well.

Really.

[MorningGlow]

25. "Never tell me the odds." - Han Solo

:hi:

[Missy Vixen]

23. Excuse me? Was someone speaking?

It's always been my experience that those who seek to derail someone else's dream are either a) jealous, or b) can't do it themselves.

Those who don't even try have a 100% chance of remaining unpublished. In the meantime, 85% of the American public dreams of writing a novel. Less than 1% even attempt the feat. That sure doesn't even out to "1 to 1", especially when one thinks of the multi-billion dollar publishing industry.

:eyes:

[Orrex]

29. Let us know when you get that stick removed

That, I submit, will turn out to be the greatest experience of your life.

It'll make that little hike of yours seem like a hop down the hall to use the bathroom.

[rurallib]

26. Aliens! Needs aliens. The outer space kind

or maybe some shadow people.

[BlueIris]

27. Other: Become famous for something else first. Can you work a pole?

Is your life suitable for a reality tv show (about practicing witches, maybe)? Will you have sex with famous movie stars?

I'm only half kidding here.

http://www.amazon.com/Thank-You-Not-Reading-Literary/dp/1564782980

[Orrex]

28. If it doesn't appear to have zombies, vampires, or werewolves, you're not reading carefully enough

Read it again from the beginning. They're in there somewhere.