It's about that time again. Post only bad advice.

[BlueIris]

What is this, our third Bad Advice thread in as many years? Fun.

My bad advice for this December morn:

Who needs to read warning labels? You've got something to stuff in your mouth.

Drunk text the ex once in a while. Keeps 'em filled in.

Porcupines make great gifts.

And my favorite: talk back to cops. Ask to see their IDs.

[HopeHoops]

1. Always say "FUCK OFF, DICKHEAD" when a cop pulls you over and comes up to your window.

That really wins them over.

[BlueIris]

2. Cheap condoms save money.

In the short run, anyway.

[krispos42]

62. Turn'em inside out and re-use'em n/t

[KamaAina]

3. Vote Republican.

:P

[UrbScotty]

69. You beat me to it!

[kentauros]

4. Tell Skinner you want to be tombstoned,

Right fucking now!

:P

[Tobin S.]

5. Yeah, stay with him. I'm sure he'll sober up and make a nice husband one day.

[EnviroBat]

14. I like this one a lot!

It really hits home with me. My ex girlfriend who ran off to stay with her ex-husband in his single-wide trailer, recently contacted me crying the blues about how much she misses me and I was the best thing wadda wadda wadda.....

Tell it to that stump you ran off to repeat bad history with.

[lightningandsnow]

31. Shit, wrong place.

:rofl:

[antigone382]

17. You probably just need to have a baby to fix the relationship. n/t

[krispos42]

63. Remember, 3rd time's the charm! n/t

[Fire Walk With Me]

6. Everyone follow me to General Discussion and post your favorite insights!

[siligut]

7. So what if a plate broke into the salad.

Don't waste the whole thing, you can just pick out the shards.

[TZ]

8. Sign Rex Grossman to a 5 year 80 million dollar contract

and then promptly bench him..Oh wait..thats been done pretty much...

[taterguy]

37. The Skins are paying Grossman and McNabb 80 mil each?

Dumbass Snyder has more money than brains.

[rug]

9. Touch that.

[LynneSin]

10. Join the Sarah Palin 2012 club

:scared:

[Rambis]

11. I aways have a lit ciggy when stealing anhydrous ammonia in a gas can for your meth lab

:nuke:

[BlueIris]

12. No need to slow down if you hit a foggy patch.

And turn those headlights up high until you're through it. For safety's sake.

[Deep13]

13. Carrying scissors can be dangerous. ...

...Reduce the amount of time you spend carrying scissors by always running when you have them.

[eyepaddle]

15. Just keep it floored.

I don't know if that's EVER worked for anybody!

[Mopar151]

40. Just power out of it!

"You otta be good to take turn 4 without lifting..." "It'll run fine on street gas, don't worry about the ping....." "Don't worry about that little hangup wit' the gas pedal."
"Give it 5^ more advance, and lean it out some - then put some of this in the tank!"

[Rambis]

16. Take hair advice from David Beckham and Donald Trump

[Recovered Repug]

18. Cold weather brings out the flavor of flag poles.

They really taste great when you lick them.

[MiddleFingerMom]

19. Pull my finger. n/t

[struggle4progress]

20. Drive fast on icy roads in winter storms to get home quicker

[Mopar151]

41. With an SUV on bald all-seasons n/t

[pinboy3niner]

21. Put Bachmann on the Intelligence Committee--no one will laugh

:rofl:

[nolabear]

22. Go pee on that electric fence over there.

It's fun! Swear!

[noamnety]

23. You don't need to be so disciplined during the holidays. Relax.

There will be plenty of time to brush your teeth after Christmas.

[Broken_Hero]

24. Eat yellow snow

it helps you lose weight.....

[CBHagman]

25. Look in one direction, walk in another.

Everyone on the bus is just dying to hear the juicy details of your conversation with your mom, your roommate, or SO.

Flip-flops are the perfect accompaniment to a winter coat and scarf.

[tandot]

26. Have several drinks before posting in GD or GD:P

it is so much more fun going down in flames when you don't know what is going on or just don't care anymore

[applegrove]

27. Fresh snow is so tasty when you lick it off a metal pole.

[JTG of the PRB]

28. Just remember, mixing alcohol and powerful cough syrup has zero negative consequences.

And when you do mix them, be sure to drive right home to get a good night's sleep!

[Kali]

29. buy a dodge

just about the worst advice I could give you right now.

[LuvNewcastle]

30. Play penny slots at casinos.

If you bet the max (5 dollars a pull) you can win as much as $500.

[lightningandsnow]

32. Fry latkes in the nude.

[blue neen]

33. I think you would look terrific as a platinum blonde!

You could always shave off your black eyebrows! :)

[Bucky]

34. Your cousins that you invited over for Christmas dinner? I'll bet they're not *really* vegan.

Go ahead and mix some bacon into those mashed pertayters. No one can resist bacon!

Oh, and don't just take the usual shit from Grandma this year. Speak up for yourself! She'll appreciate the honesty.

[Withywindle]

35. Tutch the but.

[WinkyDink]

39. WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zanana1]

48. I'd forgotten all about "Don't touch the butt". nt

[Phentex]

36. Black ice is just a myth...

and racist too.

[Bucky]

44. Yellow ice contains your daily supply of vitamin C

[LiberalEsto]

38. Always place the boogers above her headboard neatly

a la l'comma de Paree

[BlueIris]

42. Unsubsidized student loans are a great plan. Just great.

And you don't really have to pay them off; it's kind of like playing with house money.

[AllenVanAllen]

43. Always lift with your back when lifting over 20 pounds,

try to twist as much as you can once you have the load.

[kimi]

45. I love this thread!!

And I've only read 5 replies so far.

It only promises to get better. :)

[LawnKorn]

46. Anti-virus programs slow your computer down, and you don't really need one these days anyway

[kayakjohnny]

47. Pit bulls make a cuddly little pet for your newborn. They are protective and provide

a nice warm place to snuggle when it's cold.

And they are extremely tolerant of loud crying and very sudden moves.

[kimi]

49. When cats wag their tails

it's just the same as when DOGS wag their tails.

They're just being friendly. Pet them.

No, really. Pet them reeeaaalllly gooood.

They will appreciate it.

[Haole Girl]

53. ROFL!

:rofl:

[Skittles]

50. "Be yourself" is the worst advice you can give most people

yes INDEED

[mwooldri]

51. Do all your Christmas shopping at Walmart at 7pm, Dec 24th.

Then complain to the manager when the gift you really wanted is out of stock and that you need it RIGHT NOW.

[Haole Girl]

52. Just ignore it. (nt)

[LiberalEsto]

54. Use your turn signals on the DC Beltway

when you plan to change lanes. This is always appreciated by our responsible and courteous drivers.

[Liberal Veteran]

55. Save the environment by sharing injection needles.

All that plastic ends up in the landfill.

[sarge43]

56. Get all your medical advice online.

Wolverines, honey badgers and Tasmanian devils make perfect pets for the children. Well, at least they learn how to defend themselves, the kids I mean.

Never unplug electrics when repairing or adjusting them. Saves time.

Nag your SO at minimum once a day. S/he appreciates the attention.

[LeftishBrit]

57. Please forget to avert your eyes when you uncork the champagne bottle

(A cousin got a cork in his eye and his daughter had to drive him to Casualty on Christmas. Fortunately, he was OK in the end.)

[LeftishBrit]

58. Make lots of plans that involve flights from Heathrow or Gatwick just before Christmas

Then if it snows you can have the thrill of camping out at the airport, as your flight is cancelled and you wait hopelessly for one that might be available. Why British transport always folds up when there's snow is a mystery; Scandinavia or Canada would be paralyzed for half the year if they were the same.

[LiberalEsto]

59. It's fun taking baths with your plug-in TV

And don't worry if the TV falls in the water. You can always dry it off by running it through the clothes dryer with a couple of towels.

[bikebloke]

60. No need to look before stepping out into the street.

Drivers are looking after you. They have to.

[EnviroBat]

61. always fart around over a running car engine

wearing your most festive neck-tie!

[krispos42]

64. Your odds are better at Russian roulette if you use a big semi-auto pistol

Really. A revolver holds, what, six rounds? That's a one-in-six chance of death, 17%!

Get yerself a Glock with a 17-round clip. That's, like, only 6%.

[hunter]

65. The oil light in your car is just a friendly reminder...

... like the "check engine" light.

Ask your brother-in-law about it next time you see him.

[NoGOPZone]

66. Bleach mixed with ammonia is excellent for household cleaning. nt

[Crankie Avalon]

67. Extending the tax cuts for the wealthiest 2% is just what we need to turn this economy around.

Really, THIS time it'll work.

[Bragi]

68. The surge will also work in Afghanistan /nt