applegrove
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Fri Dec-24-10 12:17 AM
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LOL!!! Have a very happy Martha Stewart Christmas. |
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Edited on Fri Dec-24-10 12:39 AM by applegrove
Martha Stewart Christmas Plans:
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug WindowsNT.
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12 Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26 Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country
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Kali
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Fri Dec-24-10 12:30 AM
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:rofl:
I almost didn't read this because I thought it was going to be serious! stealing and forwarding
my Aunt was the ORIGINAL Martha Stewart when I was growing up.
I will never forget the really expensive dining table she bought and then paid a decorator to "distress" so it would fit in their "rustic" brand new home they built. OMG distressing a brand new table. All she needed to do was let her bum son have a tequila party and she could have had the same finish for under $50:rofl:
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applegrove
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Fri Dec-24-10 12:54 AM
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2. This is an old christmas post from years and years ago. I remembered it and looked it up |
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online. Took me about 5 minutes to find it.
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applegrove
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Fri Dec-24-10 10:36 PM
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tinkerbell41
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Fri Dec-24-10 10:41 PM
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4. When I first became a Mom |
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I drove myself insane trying to imagine how in the hell I could possibly do all this shit. I was exhausted trying to figure out how to keep up. I finally put the Martha books down.
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applegrove
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Fri Dec-24-10 11:15 PM
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5. I've heard Martha Stewart described as "porn for women" and it certainly |
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is true that too much of it can warp your life just like real porn can. I mean if you have some free time to do MS projects why not just play with your kids instead. You are so right. Anyway I like this MS list because it is so funny to make fun of and uberperfectionist like her.
Welcome to the DU!:hi:
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tinkerbell41
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Fri Dec-24-10 11:59 PM
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I was an uberperfectionist, except the hitch was, I'd be off to the next thing before I'd finished the first. It is porn, I can remember the crazy feelings I got, the excitement, oh jesus my life is much more relaxed now.
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applegrove
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Sat Dec-25-10 12:07 AM
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7. That is the greatest gift you can give your kids.. to be growing and evolving and trying |
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new stuff when the old patterns are not working.
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tinkerbell41
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Sat Dec-25-10 12:14 AM
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Wed Apr 24th 2024, 11:46 AM
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