Asperger's Syndrome

[Bertha Venation]

Ever heard of it?

Please tell what you know, if you care to.

My 19-year-old nephew has it, and I don't think he'll ever live a "normal" life.

[Fleshdancer]

1. Isn't it a milder form of autism??

I remember reading about it in a Time article a year or two ago but I don't remember too much.

Here's what I found so far:

Asperger Syndrome or (Asperger's Disorder) is a neurobiological disorder named for a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, who in 1944 published a paper which described a pattern of behaviors in several young boys who had normal intelligence and language development, but who also exhibited autistic-like behaviors and marked deficiencies in social and communication skills. In spite of the publication of his paper in the 1940's, it wasn't until 1994 that Asperger Syndrome was added to the DSM IV and only in the past few years has AS been recognized by professionals and parents.

on edit: Your nephew may have more challenges ahead of him than some, but who really lives a "normal" life? With a supportive and loving family, he can lead any life he chooses.

[Wickerman]

2. I've got a wife who has kids on her caseload that have it

she has the real young ones. Its best when they get recognized and attention early. Don't know anything about older kids. She loves the kids - they can be challenging, but have some interesting and startling perceptions. A different reality, but true to them is how she describes some of her longer term and now older clients.

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. Isn't it a form of autism?

I read articles about a boy who had it a couple of years ago. He was smart as a whip but not good at the social aspects of life, plus had some other "quirks" as well. I forget what they were, though, but he sounded a bit "Rainman"-like the way the article's author described him.

[Whitacre D_WI]

4. There are a couple of DUers who have it.

I'll leave it up to them to say who, but they seem to be doing okay :)

[scottcsmith]

5. My step-son was diagnosed with it

He was diagnosed around the age of 12; he's now 15 and seems to have gotten better. I think he had a pretty mild case of it.

[ikojo]

I know a couple of people with AS

One is in his late 20s and he is currently attending community college. He works full time in a parking garage and shares an apartment with another developmentally disabled man. Both of them receive help from an organization dedicated to helping the developmentally disabled live on their own.

I have another couple of friends who are married. They have a 13 year old with AS. I doubt their son will ever live on his own. I blame them for his inability to do for himself. He can barely wash his hands on his own. They do almost everything for him and give him no responsibilities. It is easier this way because it cuts down on conflict.

The thing is that this kid can rise to the challenge. He had his bar mitzvah this past year and did a wonderful job, even correcting the rabbi when he noticed something about the Torah scrolls.

It is widely believe that many who work in Silicon Valley have AS. Please see this article from wired.com

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

I took the AQ test and scored a 39.

A diagnosis of Asperger's does not have to mean a life of dependancy. I think it greatly depends upon the parents and services received.

[kath]

23. ikojo, I agree that weird parenting, at least in some cases, can certainly

contribute to the severity of the kids' problems. Have seen 2 families (friends) with this up close and personal, and the parenting DEFINITELY made the problems worse. Also, many parallels between the parenting issues and parenting styles in the two families. Sad.

Granted, this doesn't mean that parenting is an issue in all, or even most, cases.

(But it's definitely a BIG no-no these days to blame *anything* on bad parenting. It's much easier to stick a label on the kid, and say "he was born this way, it's nobody's fault". Same way with another "diagnosis du jour", ADHD.)

[Bertha Venation]

31. my nephew goes to JC, too, but that is all he does

Chris's mother let him choose after high school: job or JC? He chose college and no one was surprised.

Chris is very self-sufficient and responsible. I just don't see him functioning independently from his mother, and I don't see him holding down a job and keeping an apartment.

I'd be interested to know more about how parents influence a child/adult living at home. Do you have any other resources?

BTW I scored 25. :shrug:

[NNadir]

6. I'm very familiar with it.

My kid's school tried to foist this diagnosis on my kid, because New Jersey has a program for it and not for what my kid actually has. (Dyslexia.)

It wasn't even close.

A famous person suspected with having had Asperger's syndrome was Sir Issac Newton.

[SmileyBoy]

7. I have it.

I know JohnKleeb has it too. PM me if you want more info.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

10. There's few other DUers that I'm aware of.

I'll leave it to them to say, obviously.

[Bertha Venation]

38. Thank you, Northwest.

I may lean on you. Thanks very much.

[goclark]

8. I've worked with Asperger Students

The two students that were diagnosed were extremely bright. They did have difficulty in social settings at school. If placed with the right teacher and with a good understanding with the classmates, they were able to thrive in a regular elementary classroom for a large portion of the day. There were aides in the classrooms that spent the majority of their time giving support to the children

These two children were able to do fairly well with the support of the superb Special Education team at the school.


Never give up, I'm sure you won't!
I would continue to check the web and attend support groups for Asperger's. I pray that new medications and therapies will be found soon and that your nephew will do well in the future.

[Shrubhater]

9. I have it,

I know my mom, liberalhistorian, has talked about it on here. I got diagnosed in first grade, when I was 7. It's a kind of autism. Sometimes I hate it and sometimes I don't mind. Some people don't think I'd be as creative if I didn't have it. But I don't really have any friends, though, besides my mom. My mom has a learning disability, so she kinda knows a little of what I have to deal with.

[NightTrain]

14. No friends? That's so sad.

You seem like a great kid! Why no friends?

And if it's none of my damned business, just say so! ;)

[blondeatlast]

21. Hey, guy--we're glad you're here! You've got a smart, tough,

wonderful mom; but then you knew that!

Welcome!

[goclark]

22. Thanks for sharing with us

Your willingness to talk to others about your condition is inspiring.
Your honesty is wonderful.

[JohnKleeb]

24. yeah me and your ma have talked about it

I hope you make more friends, friend making is hard for me too shrubhater, I have aspergers too and a learning disablity, a double owwie so to speak.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. Bela Bartok had Asbergers

Have you ever listened to any of his music?

[benburch]

28. You have friends here!

:)

[Bertha Venation]

39. Thank you, Shrubhater.

It means a lot that you've revealed this here. I don't know if it's hard for those with AS to talk about it, but I imagine it must be on some level. Being a relatively "new thing" I'm certain many are skeptical. Not me. I read my first essay on AS with my jaw on the floor; it was as if the words were printed over a watermark of my nephew's face. It was HIM.

Thank you, dear one.

[liberalhistorian]

44. I'm proud of him that he doesn't have

trouble discussing it, that he's really honest about it. He doesn't make a big deal about it, but he's honest when people ask questions.

Asperger's actually isn't really new, it's just that it's only been officially recognized in this country since 1994. In Europe, it's been recognized for about sixty years now; Hans Asperger was an Austrian colleague of the scientist responsible for a lot of the knowledge and research we have on autism itself.

We were lucky that the pediatric neurologist we were referred to was from South Africa and had been trained there, because he recognized it the moment Chris walked through the door and opened his mouth! I had to educate my own family doctor about it; he also talked to the South African doctor so he could understand it better.

The neurologist said that a lot of professors, dentists, and computer people have Asperger's, they just don't know it. Looking back, I can think of a lot of professors I had in college who would definitely have fit all of the criteria! So, it's not that it's a sudden "epidemic", so to speak, but that people are finally being properly diagnosed.

My main problem is getting Chris to do ANYTHING on his own. He also has no sense at all of organization or social skills, and that's hard to work on as well, especially since MY organizational sense and skills leave a helluva lot to be desired.

[Bertha Venation]

45. I did a double take

My nephew's name is also Chris. My eyes boggled for a minute.

You've a lot to be proud of; IMO talking about things is one of the best ways to work them out, find help, feel better about oneself, etc. Thank goodness you were referred to a well-educated doctor and that your family doc was willing to learn.

Right now my sister is in the very first stages of seeking help for Chris. She and my other sisters lived together (with other sis's two kids) for twelve years. My other sister just moved out, and although this wasn't a catalyst for that move, one of the major benefits of moving was escaping Chris's increasingly freakish and scary behavior and violent-fantasy writing. He hasn't acted out anything violent. But one wonders. One also wonder what, if any, damage has been done by his parents never seeking help for him until his cousins cried out to a therapist about him.

My biggest problem is that I'm so far away (I'm in MD; they're in CA) that I can't offer my sister any support but moral, and I can't do things with Chris. :(

[JohnKleeb]

11. I have it and you can live normally

tho I admit I do have my problems.

[LWolf]

18. I hugged a former student this morning

who has Asperger's. I taught him for two years, and treasure every moment. He still needs to talk to me a few times a week; not about anything of significance, but just to keep in contact.

:hi:

[JohnKleeb]

19. its not easy but I manage

[Bertha Venation]

41. Thank you, John.

You are a gem. If my nephew can get to where you are, with what I've seen of you here, it will be a triumph for him.

Thank you so much.

[JohnKleeb]

54. thanks

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

12. I know a DUer who has it

He seems to do just fine :)

[Lizz612]

16. Yeah he does

I think he maybe a little "ahead" of you! :hi: Kleeb!

[JohnKleeb]

20. aww beth, maggie you two are sweet

Yeah I do have it, its not fun but it really isnt so bad. Hell it could be behind my early smarts.

[oldleftguy]

13. Do a goggle search!

Mental Health folks--Asperger's is the English equivalent is Autism. Like any label, there is a great diversity of symptoms and outcomes. Find someone you trust and listen and learn. Also try http://www.thearc.org/ and http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/eparent/. My son has CP and Autism. He enjoys and values life. What more can a person ask for? Your idea of "normal" may change. Send me a message if I can help.

[put out]

15. Yes, I know of it, and know people with AS.

There was a very informative thread, two or three months ago. A DU poster was asking for information.

I hope very much that your nephew can find some tools with which he may discover ways to function in this world; so much not said, so much just understood. I think writing is sometimes the best way to communicate when social nuances are just not part of a person's landscape.

It is difficult for everyone. My warmest wishes to him and to all of his family.

Edit: It was in The Meeting Room forum.

[Bertha Venation]

17. more replies than I expected

and it wasn't my intent to out anyone, but I thank everyone for replying. Bedtime now -- more tomorrow. Thanks, folks.

'night, all

[aquart]

25. My smart, terrific brother-in-law was diagnosed with it.

Did I mention he thinks just as he ought on politics?

He's a computer geek and he has anxiety about throwing anything out. But a seriously good human being.

Got his quirks, is all.

I'm editing to say that my BIL does have friends, plus a wonderful brother and sister and mother (although she's a Republican). He doesn't have a father anymore. He lost that lovely man last week.

Shrubhater, like my BIL, you may find your friends in shared interests. He's a sci-fi man, and his friends are people who have been sending things to Mars lately (don't you love that they spend their spare time at sci-fi conventions?), and he also helps my sister with animal rescue and plays bells in a church thing.

[hunter]

27. On the internet nobody knows you are a dog...

That's the caption of a famous cartoon. It's a drawing of a dog sitting at a computer and talking to another dog, by Peter Steiner in The New Yorker, 1993. (Google images will dredge it up for you if you want to see it.)

Junior high school and high school were my hell. I don't know how I graduated. Maybe because I've always been good at tests, especially "multiple choice" tests.

Thanks to the SAT getting into college and university wasn't difficult. But it took me nine years to get a BA. Twice I was asked to take time off from school, and I burned out three senior thesis advisors. The fourth signed off on my strange little Buckminster Fuller inspired rambling after a five minute meeting. At my oral presentation everyone was impressed with my knowledge of nuclear power and electrical transmission systems, and a little worried about how I obtained it.

Picture a homeless-looking guy digging through dumpsters. He's not really looking for food or aluminum cans, but he'll keep the aluminum cans, because he needs the money.

My family didn't know about my secret life. I got "adopted" by a woman who felt she needed a boyfriend to show off to her parents. She didn't really want a boyfriend -- she had more girlfriends than I ever did.

She got me a part time job fixing up trashed student housing, and let me follow her around. We went to some pretty wild parties, something I never would have done on my own. I was much more comfortable in the computer lab.

Her mom once said to her, while I was standing there, "He's sort of quiet, isn't he?"

Third person. I didn't think about that until later.

I always had this strange support network, people who would give me computer accounts, people who would feed me or find me work, and professors who would throw me a lifeline whenever it looked as if I was going to drop out of college forever.

My parents put up with incredible amounts of crap from me. When I was seventeen I remember my dad yelling at me, so I punched him in the face and broke his glasses. He didn't kick me out of the house.

A few years later an English professor and a History professor got me to write about myself, and then about other stuff.

That was good.

Now I'm married with two kids, and our family lives in a nice house.

[Bertha Venation]

42. My goodness, hunter.

You've revealed so much; what trust you have! Thank you very much. I'm deeply moved by what you've written. I don't know what else to say. Thank you, thank you so much.

[gyopsy]

29. My friend has this

He's really into computers. It's all he does. But you know what? He's great at it and he does have the potential to make a lot of money one of these days. Socially, he's a little impaired but he's a nice guy. I'm happy to know him.

[Zookeeper]

30. It really varies with the individual...

But, socialization can be a major problem. Kids with Asperger's have difficulty "reading" people. They can be high I.Q., but low "E.Q." My middle-school son has a couple of classmates with Asperger's. One of them is a friend, but also drives him crazy. My son doesn't want to hurt the boy's feelings, but is quite distracted by him during class time.

[AlienGirl]

32. I have it, and so does one of my roomies

http://www.aspie.com is a good place to start.

Living with another Aspie is great. We can have entire hours-long discussions without going off-topic. (I think other people think we're "ecturing" them, and that has caused a difficulty once or twice.) We also can say just exactly what we mean without worrying about subtext, and we have the same bizarre sense of humor. (One night we were on the patio talking about physics, and then one of us just randomly said, "Butt!" and hilarity ensued.)

I have had to put a lot of effort into learning to "read" people, and I still don't always get it right. I also have had to learn many of the socializing tricks everyone else just knows--like when to look at someone, and like the fact that "How are you?" isnot a real question but rather a ritual greeting that must be replied to with "Fine" regardless of how you *actually* are.

Tucker

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

33. Good to hear from you, Tucker.

:hi:

[Bertha Venation]

43. Thanks, Tucker.

I am so impressed with you folks who've decided to tell about your experience here -- and rather surprised. Knowing Chris, I can totally understand the hilarity of the "butt" utterance. :)

Thanks very much.

"the fact that "How are you?" isnot a real question but rather a ritual greeting that must be replied to with "Fine" regardless of how you *actually* are."

It took me SO LONG to realize that! (And I think I was 30 before I allowed myself to answer "fine" without feeling guilty that I was lying.)

[Spider Jerusalem]

34. I have it...

as does my best friend...and despite the difficulties it can cause, I'm pretty happy with who I am and wouldn't alter my neurology were it possible to do so.

I'm a bit confused as to what you mean by "normal"...gainfully employed, self-supporting, independent, all that sort of thing? He may...although it would help were he able to pursue a career in something which deeply interests him.


Here's a good source of information...the database of links relating to autism and Asperger's (as well as other pervasive developmental disorders) that I know of. You may find some answers there. http://www.isn.net/~jypsy/autilink.htm

[Bertha Venation]

37. I knew my use of the word "normal" would raise eyebrows.

Absolutely no offense was meant.

In using that word I was referring to Chris's potential ability to defeat his intense fear of things, to hold down a job, to keep an apartment, to manage his finances, to purchase and buy a car (or not fear public trans), and to enjoy friends, family, events, holidays, ball games, etc.

Most broadly -- and, as it happens, specifically -- I was referring to his potential ability to live life independently of his mother.

What deeply interests him: video games, assembling Gundam models, bowling (two games at a time max, but he does enjoy it immensely), and his obsession with wolves.

Thank you, Spider. Would love to talk more, here or wherever you're comfortable.

[Spider Jerusalem]

46. Well, to address a few of the things you mention...

to which I can specifically relate...(this may be similar for your nephew, although everyone with AS is different): I enjoy spending time with one or two friends, mostly people I'm comfortable with and whom I share common interests with...I'm not really interested in having a large social circle. And I don't really like socialising in groups larger than, say, three or four. It gets difficult, and I tend to withdraw.

I have a hard time with the rapid and frequent topic shifts in most social conversation (this is called "subject perseveration"); and I also have something called central auditory processing disorder (which is common in people with AS). What central auditory processing disorder is, essentially, is an inability to filter auditory input. I hear everything at the same level. If I go out, say to a bar, I can't understand what someone right next to me is saying because the level of background noise drowns it out. This, along with a certain degree of photosensitivity and extreme tactile sensitivity, can lead to episodes of sensory overload...which feels essentially like a classic panic attack. Tightness of the chest, light-headedness, a sensation of intense claustrophobia. NOT fun.

Something like this might be at least part of the reason for your nephew's reluctance to engage in any sort of social family activities.

And if he has an intense interest in wolves, maybe he should consider studying wildlife management or something similar. Just a thought, anyway.

[Zookeeper]

49. I had reason to do some research on Asperger's...

a year ago. So, it is interesting to hear these first hand accounts. I'm starting to recognize those traits in people. I attended a planning meeting for the DFL District Caucus and briefly met with a group of men with a fairly simple question about procedure. One went into, what felt to me (an ADD-type), like ENDLESS detail and debate. I couldn't back away fast enough! But, that is the kind of work that needs to be done and is valuable. And others of us see the big picture and keep things moving.

BTW, I scored 13 on that test. It's really helpful to hear how you perceive a "normal" conversation.

[AlienGirl]

51. The normal things

His fear of public transportation might be from the overstimulation of the noise and motion on buses.

Managing finances, buying a car, and keeping an apartment are things that some people have problems with and others don't. My roomie is very good with finances; I really have to work at it.

Enjoying family and friends a few at a time is probably something that will come; but holidays, events, and ball games might be right out. Too crowded, too noisy, too many bizarre social expectations.

An obsession with wolves might be helpful; it gives him an "in" for learning social interactions. Have him learn the way wolves socialize, functions of various pack members, etc. Then draw parallels to the way humans socialize.

Tucker

[Bridget Burke]

35. They hadn't invented it when I was a kid.

Actually, Asperger's had been named, but it wasn't something a semi-rural schoolteacher would consider when dealing with a weird kid. When I found out about it, it made sense; I get mid-30's on that online test. An early diagnosis might have helped me acquire techniques to do better academically; I always tested well (ha!). And I earn my living with pc's--data structures are very real to me.

I won't complain, since my cousin with full-blown autism is institutionalized. Nowadays there are techniques to help some autistic kids, but there was no early diagnosis for him.

Let's hope your nephew gets help. And not just people doing things for him--he must learn to do for himself, in his own way.

Lady Gregory's "Visions & Beliefs in Western Ireland" contains a story about a probable relative of mine--same name, same town--in the chapter entitled "Away". He "was away for seven years. In the night he'd be taken, and some-times in the daytime when he was in the bed sick, that's the time he'd be along with them; riding out and going out across the bay, going as fast as the wind in the sky. Did he like to be with them? Not at all, he'd sooner be at home; and it is bad for the health too to be going out these rough nights."

So, he did well enough. Most of us do. I've wondered about the old stories of "changelings"--babies stolen & replaced by fairy babies who grew strange & distant. Would they be diagnosed as autistic today?

[TXlib]

36. KCDem has accused me of having it.

I've read the symptom list, and although a few of them fit, many do not.

I prefer to think of myself as merely an unmitigated asshole.

[HuckleB]

40. The (very) basics of Asperger's...

http://www.autism.org/asperger.html

and

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/disorders/dis_details.php?disID=10

[LuLu550]

47. the girl who has AS in the school where I work is bright

but socially immature. She does not shrink from social contact, like an autistic kid, but is just extremely immature for her age. She graduated from HS last year, has a job and takes college classes part time. She was very active in school and well liked by her classmates. She has really great parents who helped her a lot.

[ACK]

48. My son has it.

Many people go on to have extremely incredible gifted lives.

My son has a remarkably high IQ and is obsessive and socially awkward and uncoordinated and acts like he has ADD because he just such a hard time focusing.

Some people call it the "geek syndrome".

Higher rates in Silicon Valley and such.


Here is a description from another site:

What Is Asperger Syndrome?
By Barbara L. Kirby
Founder of the OASIS Web site (www.aspergersyndrome.org)
Co-author of THE OASIS GUIDE TO ASPERGER SYNDROME (Crown, 2001)

Asperger Syndrome or (Asperger's Disorder) is a neurobiological disorder named for a Viennese physician, Hans Asperger, who in 1944 published a paper which described a pattern of behaviors in several young boys who had normal intelligence and language development, but who also exhibited autistic-like behaviors and marked deficiencies in social and communication skills. In spite of the publication of his paper in the 1940's, it wasn't until 1994 that Asperger Syndrome was added to the DSM IV and only in the past few years has AS been recognized by professionals and parents.

Individuals with AS can exhibit a variety of characteristics and the disorder can range from mild to severe. Persons with AS show marked deficiencies in social skills, have difficulties with transitions or changes and prefer sameness. They often have obsessive routines and may be preoccupied with a particular subject of interest. They have a great deal of difficulty reading nonverbal cues (body language) and very often the individual with AS has difficulty determining proper body space. Often overly sensitive to sounds, tastes, smells, and sights, the person with AS may prefer soft clothing, certain foods, and be bothered by sounds or lights no one else seems to hear or see. It's important to remember that the person with AS perceives the world very differently. Therefore, many behaviors that seem odd or unusual are due to those neurological differences and not the result of intentional rudeness or bad behavior, and most certainly not the result of "improper parenting".

By definition, those with AS have a normal IQ and many individuals (although not all), exhibit exceptional skill or talent in a specific area. Because of their high degree of functionality and their naiveté, those with AS are often viewed as eccentric or odd and can easily become victims of teasing and bullying. While language development seems, on the surface, normal, individuals with AS often have deficits in pragmatics and prosody. Vocabularies may be extraordinarily rich and some children sound like "little professors." However, persons with AS can be extremely literal and have difficulty using language in a social context.

At this time there is a great deal of debate as to exactly where AS fits. It is presently described as an autism spectrum disorder and Uta Frith, in her book AUTISM AND ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, described AS individuals as "having a dash of Autism". Some professionals feel that AS is the same as High Functioning Autism, while others feel that it is better described as a Nonverbal Learning Disability. AS shares many of the characteristics of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder; Not otherwise specified), HFA, and NLD and because it was virtually unknown until a few years ago, many individuals either received an incorrect diagnosis or remained undiagnosed. For example, it is not at all uncommon for a child who was initially diagnosed with ADD or ADHD be re-diagnosed with AS. In addition, some individuals who were originally diagnosed with HFA or PDD-NOS are now being given the AS diagnosis and many individuals have a dual diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism.

[Throckmorton]

50. My Daughter has it.

She is 7 1/2 and in the minority. Most Asperger's kids are male, something like 5:1. She is on the mild side of it, almost PDD, but not quite. She does well in low stimulus settings, she is in a class with only 3 other students and is doing very well academically.

Normal, whats normal anyway.

Throckmorton

[Bertha Venation]

52. Lest anyone get the wrong idea, I adore my nephew.

I have fantastic memories of taking him to ballgames, tickling him, reading to him, playing with him, all when he was little.

A favorite memory: I had a kitten named Killer. Her favorite toy was a piece of denim on a fishing line on a yard-long fishing pole.

Once when Chris came over, at about age four, we played with Killer and the fishing pole. I'd swing the string high over her head and she would leap nearly as high as my shoulder to get the denim. Over and over, she would just leap, land, and leap again, flipping herself around like a member of Cirque de Soleil.

Chris said, "I want to try it! I want to do it!" So I handed him the fishing pole. But what did he do? He got down on all fours and looked up to wait for the denim to fly overhead. He wanted to be the kitty.

As he grew older we saw each other less. Then I moved to Maryland. He graduated high school last summer with a 4.2 GPA (AP & Honors classes apparently can boost GPA over 100% -- :shrug:) and won his school's highest honor in Spanish.

I am looking for ways to be part of his life, if he wants me to be; to be there for him if he decides he needs me or wants to rely on me. But it's very, very hard to know what he wants. I seek knowledge & others' experiences with AS so I can know my nephew better.

I wonder if Chris remembered playing like Killer as he played with Cocoa on his visit to MD last January.

[Zookeeper]

53. That's a lovely story, thanks for sharing it! n/t

[Nikia]

55. Well, I scored 32 on the AQ test

And I know that I have gotten much better in many of these social things since I was younger. I don't know if I have Asperberger's like those DUers and those others mentioned. I know that I am a more sensitive and introverted individual than most people and probably was that way from birth. I think that some of my problems were caused by early family turmoil though. When your parents divorce at an early age and are changing jobs and SOs and places you live, you want sameness. When people are angry and sad all the time for reasons that you cannot possibly understand at that age, it makes it difficult to understand normal human emotions and responses. Then you are sensitive and different from the other children who go around yelling "Girls have cooties or boys have cooties." and you think that the whole thing is just absurd and you tell them that. They say you're weird and make fun of you. That hurts. And everyone hurts in your life. You'd rather be by yourself but your own mother tells you that you are wrong for that, that you must have lots of friends or you are not good enough. Making friends becomes stressful and not fun. You live in a place where intelligence is not valued either and you are forever the nerd, with your only saving trait is that you are good at running. Still, you believe that no one will like you. Your parents don't like you. You are only what you achieve.
I became more social when there was no longer pressure to be social and there was no pressure to be anything except what I wanted. I went to college with intelligent people who never made fun of anyone for that. They were people with open minds, not just one type of person. It was alright to be whatever I wanted to be. I was myself and people liked me. I even joined a sorority.
Unfortunately, this is not my happy ending. The outside world is not as wonderful and I developed an anxiety disorder that set me back a bit. I can not fully judge myself now though. My husband says that I have gotten even more "normal" even though I don't think so. My best friend at my first job after college said that I should never worry about not having friends because I would have friends everywhere I went and am very outgoing, which really suprised me. My best friend now is also an introvert who sometimes plays an extrovert and hads taught me the virtues of being comfortable with myself and being more human than human.
Yes, I purposely did have to learn some "rules" which appear obvious to everyone else. Some things, I still don't understand very well. I have gotten better at emphathizing although I always had it, I just didn't know how to use it.
Yes, I probably am completely different from what you are talking about or am I? So why did the 4 year olds think the other gender had cooties and why should I have been concerned?