Worldwide Mysterious Bird Deaths Finally Solved

[dixiegrrrrl]

KENTUCKY - USA -
"Scientists and researchers at the George W Bush Research Institute of Neocon Science have finally discovered the real reason why thousands of birds are mysteriously falling dead out of the skies all over the world.

According to many of the scholars, Jesus is flying around the earth at thousands of miles per hour waiting for the right time to land and it is because of the immense speed he is flying at that he is colliding with birds who are migrating back up north from their winter retreats in the southern hemisphere.

"Jesus is coming back for the Rapture when all the Christians will be lifted up and taken up to heaven, where they will live in paradise for all of eternity. He is circling the earth right now as we speak and when he lands there will be bright lights and sounds of angels blowing their trumpets and bassoons. If you ain't a true Christian, you're shit outta luck though. He's definitely coming now because of all the troubles in the world. Gays in the military and Obama the Anti-Christ," Professor Pendleton said."

http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/world/2603-worldwide-mysterious-bird-deaths-finally-solved.html

[era veteran]

1. After all my neighbors get raptured

I'll have diamonds as big as horse turds. I will feed their pets though.

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. Yeah, I know what you mean.

I find myself driving slowly past my fundie neighbors yards, checking the calendar and taking inventory.

[quakerboy]

3. I only wish it were so simple

I'm pretty convinced that a lot of people who think they are headed out come rapture will still be here. Which means anyone else who has not been pulled up will be stuck with the assholes of Christianity. The really really angry assholes of Christianity. Its almost a good enough reason to become saved, all on its own. Who wants to be stuck here with just the hypocrites when all the good ones vanish?

[May Hamm]

4. I wish you hadn't mentioned that

Darn. I was looking forward to some peace and quiet until I read your post.

[Pat Riot]

5. LOL

I told my ex that if he ever disappeared leaving his clothes neatly folded, I'd know there were otherworldly forces involved.