LOLcat Bible, Genesis 1. Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

[DainBramaged]

1. Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Genesis_1

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. "Ceiling cat" by Michaelangelo

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[sarge43]

5. I thought Adam would be a boxer shorts kinda guy. n/t

[emilyg]

7. Haha. Love it.

[blue_roses_lib]

2. This brightened my day!

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.


Thanks for posting! :hi:

[DainBramaged]

3. kthxbai

:hi:

[DainBramaged]

4. Genesis 2

So datz how teh skyz an teh Urfs wur finishd, an al teh stufz in dem. 2 An on Caturday, Ceiling Cat was dun makin al dat stuf; an he restd, thinkn uv how awsum it wuz.3 An to clbrate, Ceiling Cat made Caturday speshl, an sed "Do not want bad stuf on Caturday"; cuz dats when he restd frum all his werk creatin and makin cool stuf.

Boi
4 Anywayz, here ar teh ppl Ceiling Cat made when teh skyz an teh Urfs wur reddy.

5 Urfs had no farm plantz n farm catnipz n stuff yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no maek rainz yet, but iz ok cuz kittehs DUNT LYKE wetfurz. An ther wuznt any farmrz eethr.6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco an waterd teh entyre grownd so teh plantz wud be happee.7 An Ceiling Cat madez a boi outta teh durt, did invisibl CPR, an teh durt boi wuz a reel boi.

8 An Ceiling Cat growed a gardn in Eden (datz in teh eest... wen u lookie norf and tern rite), an Ceiling Cat tuk da boi thare.9 An Ceiling Cat growed lotsa prity and yummy farm treez! Teh tree of happee an teh tree of morulz wur in teh middl of teh gardn.

Geografee
10 Bai teh way, if u iz a geografee nut, a rivr caym frum Eden to watr teh gardn, an it splitted intu 4 rivrz wit srsly weerd naemz.11 Rivr numbah 1 wuz Pison (did u sneez? blez u!). It wint to Havilah, an gold iz thare.12 An itz rly awsum gold!!!! Ohyeah, therz sum stuf calld "bdellium" an "onyx" thare, too.13 Rivr numbah 2 wuz Gihon (it spellz "nohig" backwrdz... not so great acshully). It wint to Ethiopia. So nou u knowz how to getz to Ethiopia.14 Rivr numbah 3 wuz Hiddekel (yes, srsly). It wint to Assyria. And rivr numbah 4 wuz Euphrates (u afrayd o'theez?). It wint to Ur. Now, bak to teh storie.

Moocows an Gurl
15 So Ceiling Cat put teh boi in teh gardn to be itz farmr.16 An Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "See all theez froot treez? Knok yurself owt.17 But dont eet teh froot of the tree of morulz, cuz if u eatz that then ULL DIE! Srsly! Kthxbye."

18 An Ceiling Cat sed, "teh boi is alown an dat an dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i wil maek him a gud helpr."19 So Ceiling Cat made farm animulz and birdies frum durt. An Ceiling Cat brot them to teh boi to c wat he wud naym them: an teh animulz wur calld wutevr teh boi calld them. If thay didnt liek it, tuff tamales, thay wuz stuk wif it FOREVAH!!20 An teh boi naymd all thoze animulz, but nun of dem wuz a gud helpr. 21 So Ceiling Cat gived teh boi invisible sleepin pill an did sum surjerie an tuk owt wun of teh boiz rib bonez. Ohyeah, an Ceiling Cat put teh skin bak on, so teh boi wudnt be PO'ed latr.22 An Ceiling Cat transformd teh rib bonez into a prity gurl. Ceiling Cat tuk teh gurl to teh boi, then watchd teh fun begin. 23 Teh boi sed, "Her boddy caim frum my boddy? Sweet! I callz her 'Gurl' cuz she caim frum a boi, an it sowndz betr than 'Frumboi'."

24 Thatz wiy a boi leevz his mommy an daddy an getz mareed to a gurl.

25 Teh boi an gurl wared invisible fur, an didnt fink it wuz bad.

[DainBramaged]

6. Genesis 3 Sneeky Snaik trikz Boi an Gurl

Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"

2 An teh gurl sed, "We can has froot.3 But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, 'If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'"

4 Teh snaik lol'd an sed, "U wont die frum froot, srsly.5 Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud has morulz!

6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.

9 Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"

10 Boi sed, "O hai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush."

11 Ceiling Cat sed, "Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt nom teh bannd froot, did u?"

12 Boi said, "Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me."

13 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "U did WUT?" Gurl said, "Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taystd gud, but dat not poynt."

14 Ceiling Cat sed to teh snaik, "Cuz u did dis, ur cursd aboov all teh moocows an farm animulz!!! Ur gonna moov on yur belly forevah, cuz ai gonna taek ur legs an giv dem to teh Chinese to eat!!!! Ur gonna havta eet durt forevah!!!!!15 Im gonna maik gurlz afrayd of snaikz, an teh macho boiz will skwish u on teh hed to impress them, an u will nom thair foot. Srsly."

16 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "Ur gonna hav sum srs hurtz wen u giv birfs to yur kittehs. An frum nou on, yur hubs iz gonna rool ovr u, an u hav to do wat he sayz.

17 Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "Cuz u listnd to teh gurl insted of me, teh grownd iz cursd, an ull b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life. An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now.18 Ull hav to get rid of weedz to grow stufs, an ull hav to eat teh farm plantz.19 Ur gonna hafta swet leik crazee if u wantz cheezburgerz. An itll b leik dat until u die an turn bak into durt, cuz datz ware u caim frum anywai."

20 Teh boi naymd his gurl Eve cuz she wuz teh mothr of all ppl (an also cuz if he naymd her Bertha he woulda been lol'd at all da tiem).21 It wuz gettin rly awkwurd, so Ceiling Cat mayd sum clothz for dem.22 An Ceiling Cat said, "Lookie, thay iz leik us, cuz thaye has morulz! Letz do sumfin so thay wont taek teh cheezburgerz of teh tree of happee, cuz then thay wud liv forevah! Dat wud b bad."23 So Ceiling Cat kicked teh boi outta teh gardn to be a farmr. An it stinkd cuz ther wasnt no farmwurkor yooyun yet.24 Wen thay wuz owt, Ceiling Cat put sum birdkats an a rly sharp buttrnaif at teh welcom sign, so no kittehs wud get to teh tree of happee an nom teh cheezburgerz. Evah.

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. I love, love, love lolcats but I have trouble reading some of them because the

language gets so weird. LOL

[DainBramaged]

9. Genesis 4 Cain an Abel

So Adam an Eve did sumfin dat ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. Latr, Eve had a kitteh naymd Cain. She sed, "OMG Ceiling Cat givez me a boi!!!!".2 Latr, Eve has nothr kitteh naymd Abel, but dunno wat she sed aftr dat. Wen Cain an Abel gotz big, Abel tuk caer of teh shepe an Cain wuz a farmr leik his daddy.3 An aftr awhiel Cain gaev sum of teh froots for offerin to Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.4 An Abel tuk sum yummy moocow fat, an he made teh 1st cheezburger, an gaev it to Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat thot it wuz AWSUM an sed, "U go Abel!"5 But Cainz offerin he no liekd. Ceiling Cat sed, "DO NOT WANT! Epic fail!!1!one!" So Cain got teh angries.

6 Ceiling Cat sed to Cain, "Hay! Wuts wit da tood? An y iz u all liek sad an stuf?7 If u doez gud stuf, u wil has a happee. But if u doez bad stuf, sin wants in: it wants to has you, but u hafta maik it go awai. Kthxbye."

8 An Cain told Abel his bruda wut happnd. An wun dai wen dey wuz in teh bakyard, Cain got all up in Abelz face, an totlly pwnd him.

9 Ceiling Cat sed "Cain, ware iz mah Abel???" Cain sed, "Ai dunno. Ai iz not kitteh-sitter."

10 An Ceiling Cat was liek, "O RLY? Ur ded bruda iz mewin frum undr teh carpt. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt heerin an stuf)11 K so nao cursd r u fum teh carpt, whichz opend its mouth to receiv ur bruda's harbls frum ur hand;12 When yous plowen teh urf, it gonna b hard n stuffz; fugitiev n wanderr youz bees in da urf. An its gonna sux cuz therz no farmwrkr yoonyun yet."

13 An cain sed to Ceiling Cat "Tihs r teh sux.14 U ban me from teh urf an killz me an i haz no iteh bitteh kitteh committeh, an' i'm dumd wit evrywun, even n00bs will pwnz meh!"

15 An Ceiling Cat said "I r teh admin: flag Cain non-PvP. If PK n00b pwnz cain, i will pwnz him OVER 9000x." An Ceiling Cat makz sign for cain, so iz nobodys findin him shud pwnz him.16 An cain rode away on hiz invisible bicycle away frum Ceiling Cat, An dwelt in da land ov nod, to da rite ov eden.

17 An cain knew his wife (cuz Adam n Eve haz lotsa dottaz hu sonz cans marry but I didnt tell u yets); An she is has teh kid enoch: An cain builded city, An callded teh name ov teh city enoch 2 cuz he think enoch rulz.18 An xunto enoch wuz born irad: An irad is has teh kid mehujael: An mehujael is has teh kid methushael; An methushael is has teh kid lamech. Not all at saym taim, tho.

19 An lamech took unto him two wivez (c i told u Ceiling Cat cud makez more grrrlz!!!1!): teh name ov teh one wuz adah, An teh name ov teh othr zillah.20 An adah is has teh kid jabal: An he An his kidz got to campz out in tents liek it wuz vacayshun but they had to chase after all teh moocows An sheeps an stuff so maybe it wasnt that much fun after all.21 An his brothr's name wuz jubal: An he An his kidz maded all the tunez An stuff An invented the ipod, (wifout lectricity or nuthin, Ceiling Cat waz gettin rael good at doin mirakels).22 An zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, An he An his kidz maded all teh knifes An swordz An razrbladez An other sharp metal stuf: An teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.

23 An lamech said unto his wivez,

"adah An zillah, hear mah voice;
u wivez ov lamech, listenz unto mah speechs.
for i has pwn3d sum d00d for woundin me,
sum kitteh for bruisin me:
24 If cain shall b avengd 9000x,

truly lamech 90009000x."
25 An adam knew his wife again; An she is has teh son, An calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat gaev me anothr kid instead ov abel; 4 cain pwnd him.26 An 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; An he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 say hai to Celing Cat moar often n stuff.

[siligut]

10. Is this some tricky shit to get us pagans to read the bible?

It's working. kthxbai:rofl:

[DainBramaged]

11. Genesis 5 Frum Adam to Noah

Dis iz teh book ov teh generashuns ov adam. in da dai dat Ceiling Cat creatd manz, in da likenes ov Ceiling Cat him maked dem but he didnt gaev any furz liek teh moocows so wud has 2 wear cloths An evry1 knoes cats dont liek to wear cloths so that wuz 1 mor mean Ceiling Cat did 2 teh peepz. (Nowza boarin part. Lotza nummers. u can skip, me no cayr.)2 Boi An gurl creatd himz, an givd cheezburgrz, An calld their naim adam (teh peeps who rited this bibel wantz to b raely shur u knowz ther naim, srsly!), in da dai when dey gots creatd.

3 An adam livd 100 An 30 yeers, An maded son in hims own likenes, aftr his luukz; An calld name seth:4 An teh dais ov adam aftr him maded seth waz 800 yeers: An him maded lotsa kidz.5 An all teh dais dat adam livd waz 900 An 30 yeers: An him got ded.

6 An seth livd 100 An 5 yeers, An maded enosh:7 An seth livd aftr him maded enosh 800 An 7 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:8 An all teh dais ov seth waz 900 An 12 yeers: An him got ded.

9 An enosh livd 90 yeers, An maded kenan.10 An enosh livd aftr him maded kenan 800 An 15 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:11 An all teh dais ov enosh waz 900 An 5 yeers: An him got ded.

12 An kenan livd 70 yeers, An maded mahalalel:13 An kenan livd aftr him maded mahalalel 800 An 40 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:14 An all teh dais ov kenan waz 900 An 10 yeers: An him got ded.

15 An mahalalel livd 60 An 5 yeers, An maded jard:16 An mahalalel livd aftr him maded jard 800 An 30 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:17 An all teh dais ov mahalalel waz 800 An 90 An 5 yeers: An him got ded.

18 An jard livd 100 An 60 An 2 yeers, An maded enoch:19 An jard livd aftr him maded enoch 800 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:20 An all teh dais ov jard waz 900 An 60 An 2 yeers: An him got ded.

21 An enoch livd 60 An 5 yeers, An maded methuselah:22 An enoch walkd wif Ceiling Cat aftr him maded methuselah 300 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:23 An all teh dais ov enoch waz 300 An 60 An 5 yeers:24 An enoch hung out wif Ceiling Cat alot An him didnt gets ded liek evry1 els. him flyed up in invisibul airplayn 2 b wif Ceiling Cat 4evr.

25 An methuselah livd 100 An 80 An 7 yeers, An maded lamech:26 An methuselah livd aftr him maded lamech 700 An 80 An 2 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz.27 An all teh dais ov methuselah waz 900 An 60 An 9 yeers (srsly!): An him got ded.

28 An lamech livd 100 An 80 An 2 yeers, An maded son:29 An him calld hims name noah, sayin, dis cans gived comfort us in r werk An in da toil ov r hanz, which camed becuz ov teh urth Ceiling Cat havded cursd.30 An lamech livd aftr him maded noah 500 An 90 An 5 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:31 An all teh dais ov lamech waz 700 An 70 An 7 yeers: An him got ded.

32 An noah wuz 500 yeers old: An noah maded shem An ham (who wuz not lunch meet lol) An japheth.

[DainBramaged]

12. Genesis 6

An when men begun 2 begats kidz on teh urf, dey had dawters. wich is gud cuz Ceiling Cat still wudnt let dem masturbate.

2 An teh sons ov Ceiling Cat saw taht teh dawters ov mens wer rly hawt An sexy; An dey sed "PENIS GOES WHERE?" An dey had sexxs but no buttsecks cuz it wuznt inventd yet.

3 An Ceiling Cat sed, i no fites wif ppl 4evr so i no lets tehm liv 4evr: aftr wiel dey wil getz ded. htey is stil thinkx dey can livs long tiem but i givs dem only 1 liefs insted ov 9 liek teh kittehs. so tehre.

4 An sum wierd d00dz calld Nephilim wer in teh urfs in dose dais to scroos teh Creationists, An also aftr dat, when teh sons ov Ceiling Cat An dawters ov men did PENIS GOES WHERE?! but still no buttsecks, An they begats kidz. An teh kidz were badass powrful liek superman An wonder woman An all teh avatars in WoW, An dey wer all famous An stuf.

5 An Ceiling Cat saw dat teh ppl on teh urfs wuz all wikkid An mean An evil, An dat ppl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. An they rited wikkidpedia so evry1 wud knoes how 2 b all wikkid An mean An evil.

6 An Ceiling Cat wuz rly sry dat he had madez ppl on teh urf, An it maded him all sad An pissed off An stuff.

7 An Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh ppl An aminals what i has maded on teh urf; ppl An moo cows An creepy crawlyz An burdz ov teh skyz An burdz liek ostridges An stuf who cant flyz; cuz i so sry i maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd noah alot.

9 This is story about noah. noah wuz rightchus d00d, An liek mor rightchus then any1 els. noah hung out wif Ceiling Cat alot An lissend 2 tunez An played pokemons An stuff.. An sum tiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him alot.

10 An noah begat 3 sons, shem, ham, An japheth. but i alrdy told u that.

11 An teh urf wuz corruptd An messed up, An teh urfs wuz filld wif meanies.

12 An Ceiling Cat saw teh urf, An saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh ppl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 An Ceiling Cat sed 2 noah, i iz gonna pwnz the whole urf cuz teh urf has mor evilz An vilents then WoW An grand theft auto. so im gonna pwnz tehm An teh whole urfs. all teh filez in ppls hedz iz all corruptd An dey keep emailin em 2 all ther frendz. i should haev kept it in Beta longr :( An inventd mcafee An nortonz An stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz An viruses An rootkitz An stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, An cover it wif tar on teh insidez An outsiedz. An noah sed wait a minit u cant getz wood frm gophrs, u has 2 use treez. An Ceiling Cat sed i can callz a tree a gophr if i wantz cuz i iz Ceiling Cat. so stfu An go getz ur hammerz An sawz An stuff. An noah sed k, brb.

15 An Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how u makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits An teh width ov it 50 cubitz An teh hite ov it 30 cubits. An noah sed wtf iz a cubit An Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. so noah did.

16 maek sum windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ+ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai An mek teh door in teh side. An maek it wif 1th, 2th, An 3th storiez.

17 An see, i makez teh flood ov waters upon teh hole urf, 2 pwnz all teh ppl An aminals An stuffz An evrythin in teh hol urfs iz gets ded.

18 But i iz taeks care ov u An keeps u safe cuz i lieks u alot. An u can haz ride in teh ark, u An ur sons An ur wief An ur sons wifez 2.

19 An u taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, 2 keep them aliv wif u (even teh goggies); An mek shur dey r male An femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but i wont letz dem do PENIS GOES WHERE?! on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mek it 2 crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, An ov teh moocows, An ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urf, 2 ov evry kind. but dont worry about teh fishz, dey can swimz gud.

21 An taek teh f00dz dat all teh ppl An aminals lieks 2 eatz, An gathr it up; An it shall b 4 fud 4 u, An 4 them. An noah sed thers gonna b lotz ov poopi to shuvl wif all dem aminals An stuff, An Ceiling Cat sed stfu i iz givez dem all rael bad constipashun so dont worry about it. An noah sed k and stfu'd.

22 so noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him, bein a gud boi bcuz he had to stfu.

[DainBramaged]

13. Genesis 7

Ceiling Cat den said2 Noah, "Liek goes into teh ark, joo and joo kittens, cuz joo coolz an' righteous an' stuff. In dis generashun. 2 taek wif u 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an' its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an' its mate.3 An' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female (for teh saem reason) 2 keep their various kindz livin throughout teh earthz. 4 7 daiz and frum nao I;m gonna send teh wetness on teh earthz. A little advize, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez so teh moo cows don't haev an episode of "PENIS GOES WHERE?" until joo get der.4 For 4ty daiz and 4ty nites, it gon b wet and I gun pwn some n00bs.."

An' Noah did what Ceiling Cat told im to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and his sons and his dawters so dey would not do nething liek to maek cowz go "PENIS GOES WHERE?!?" during teh 4ty daiz.
6 Noah was liek rlyz old when teh wetness came.7 An' noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz.8 All teh moo cows and teh other stuff Ceiling Cat (who talkz forever 'bout nutin) saidz9 male an' female, came 2 Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him.10 An' after teh seven daiz teh wetness came.

11 In da liek 6 hunderd year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth-on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz liek spewed teh waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend.12 An' teh wetnessez came to teh urf an' it was all wet.

13 On dat der dai, teh sons of Noahz, Shem teh Jew, Japheth teh white guy, and Ham teh blak guy wif der wivez,14 Tehy hads evry kind of animal two 'cordin to it's kind, all moo cows 'cordin to it's kind, evry creachur dat mooves on teh grawnd 'cordin 2 its kind an' evry burd 'cordin 2 it's kind, evrythin wif wings too 'cordin 2 all der kindz.15 pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came 2 noah an' enterd teh ark.16 teh animals goin in wuz male an' femail ov evry livin ting, as Ceiling Cat had toldd Noah. xcept 4 teh unicornz. And teh drag0nz and stuffs. Ceiling Cat sed 'DO NOT WANT'. and dey stayd out ov teh ark. den Ceiling Cat shut him in, and wuz liek 'k, ttyl'.

17 4 4t dais teh flood kept comin on teh urfz, an' as teh waters increasd they liftd teh ark high aboov teh urfz.18 teh watahs rose an' rose and rosed on teh urfz, an' teh ark floatd on teh watrs.19 thei rised greatlee on teh urfz, an' all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd.20 teh watrs rose an' coverd teh mowntinz 2 depth ov moar dan twenty feetz OMFGWTFBBQ!!1!21 evry livin thin dat movd on teh urfz perishd — burdz, moo cows, wild animalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovah teh urfz, an' all pplz. not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet.22 evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.23 evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urfz wuz wipd out; d00dz an' animalz an' teh creeturz dat moov along teh ground an' teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urfz. only Noah wuz left, an' dose wif him in da ark.

24 teh watrz floodd teh urfz 4 hundrd an' fifty dais.