Have you ever been f*cked over?

[Lostmessage]

I haven't posted for a while because I have been going through a ton of BS with a man that lives pretty far away from me.

Last night was the very last straw and I am an up front honest person that doesn't put up with BS.

Yesterday I got a text message to call him earlier in the day and after finishing some errand's I tried to call his home phone and it was busy so I called his cell phone and he answers it.

He sounded drunk and he is on probation for drunk driving so I ask him why he is at a bar and he denied being at a bar. I asked him if he wanted to be Bubba's bitch in prison and he laughs it off but the fact is if he is caught drinking he is going to prison.

I then ask him way his home phone is continuously busy and he tells me that his DSL is on and he is downloading some drivers on his computer. I called him on that also because DSL runs on it's own line and it doesn't use a phone line and I know this I am no dummy.
I then told him to go into his kitchen and run the water in the sink and he couldn't do that and I heard Ice moving around in his glass and that was the last straw because I know that he doesn't make ice.

We had a small argument and i wasn't arguing because I am jealous I was arguing because I care about him. He is on probation and the judge told him that he will go to jail if he doesn't pass a urine test.

He has a cat and I asked him to open up a can of cat food and let me hear her meow and he couldn't do that either.

Today I get a text message from him asking me to marry him. It's April fools day and he has asked this question before on a daily basis but I need to break this off for good.

I think that he is also into hookers and it's a gut feeling that I have had for a while.

I am a clean person and I don't cheat on a man when I am dating him but I don't know what to do.

I am suppose to spend a month with him in a few weeks and he has already bought the plane tickets and I am not sure if i am going to go or not.

Should I make a clean break and change my phone numbers and move or should I give him another chance which will make it about his 10'th chance?

He is not a good liar and when he gets caught in a lie he hangs the phone up on me.

He told me that he would call me last night when he got home and then he claimed he was at home. When I called him on this he hung the phone up.

Today I get several text messages again asking the same question of will you marry me and BS like that. I tried to call him back and he won't answer the phone.

He plays this game of laying the phone off of the hook and then setting his cell phone up so that it will go into a voice mail mode on the first ring.

I can't take it anymore and I need to forget about him but I can't.

I need help on how to get over him and move on with my life. A relationship is not based on lies.

He is alot older then I am and I have worked to put myself back through college and he doesn't work at all.

Sometimes I think that the judge might have given him a prison sentence for weekend prison and that is where he is at.

[demnan]

1. Well

You know what to do, so do it. Don't be some bastard's doormat. You don't need an alcoholic to take care of.

[JVS]

What is it about this man that keeps you interested?

[TahitiNut]

2. Codependent relationships are mutually destructive.

I see nothing but emotionally unhealthy codependence in what you've described.

[TXlib]

3. Amen to that.

It's time to write off this train wreck.

Move on to a local man who is not so screwed up.

[TahitiNut]

31. Before I'd recommend 'moving on' ...

... I'd strongly recommend some personal work. What I've found most effective by far is this seminar or a close equivalent. My cousin and her family attended a close equivalent as a part of the drug rehabilitation for her eldest son. (He'd not been helped at all by two other 'approved' programs. The one incorporating this family seminar did the trick. Three years and counting. They dealt with the whole family.)

Sadly, however, some of the people who could use this kind of "wake up call" the most are the least likely to try it. (I was once one.)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. yes over and under....

[Barad Simith]

5. This is an easy question for anyone who...

...is not emotionally invested in the situation.

"or should I give him another chance which will make it about his 10'th chance?"

You should dump him this instant! That's easy for me to say, of course, because I have no investment in the relationship. But it's the truth, and it's what you need to hear. This guy is not just a habitual liar, he's terrible about it!

You won't find any sane person encouraging you to stay with him. You already know what you need to do, but you just need a little backup: Dump this lying s.o.b.!

[Lostmessage]

16. I know but he got real mad one day & I felt so bad

I care about him but he doesn't care about me at all.

[fudge stripe cookays]

22. Then DUMP him! You deserve better than an alcoholic loser.

I used to date men like that.

TRYING to change them, and trying to figure out why they treat women so bad.

Quit trying to figure it out, and find someone honest and decent. I'm not saying he has to live closer...I did the internet thing and it worked out for me.

But honestly-- if you could read what you wrote through our eyes, you'd wonder what the hell you're doing "with" this idiot.

[smirkymonkey]

40. You might want to ask yourself

WHY you care for someone who doesn't care for you?? It sounds like a serious self-worth issue that may require some therapy or a group like co-dependents anonymous to support you in working this out (the issue, not the relationship).

Seriously, dump him. People like this NEVER change, he's like a bad drug and you're addicted.

[hippiechick]

6. The only person that can f* you over is you.

Think of yourself first, put your foot down and get the f* away from the loser.

Hippie's Motto of Relationships ~

Ain't no piece of A** worth losing your peace of Mind


:hippie:

[MissMillie]

7. Let me get this straight....

You're involved with a lying, unemployed drunk who treats you terribly....

And you're only *thinking* about cutting him loose?.....

Get yourself some therapy now. I can't begin to think how little one would have to think of oneself to even consider staying in a relationship like that.

[Lostmessage]

13. He doesn't have to work

I am not sure if he has to work or not but he supports himself and gives money to charity.

[MissMillie]

15. ok...

but does that make a difference, really, in the situation? Do you really want to be with an alcoholic (and yes, if he can't stop drinking while on probation, he's an alcoholic) who dicks you around, plays games with you and lies?

Don't you feel worthy of someone who respects you and respects himself?

[smirkymonkey]

42. Hmmm.... sounds like a drug dealing

tax-evader to me.

[Lostmessage]

8. Thanks everyone

I have been depressed for a while and I haven't been able to chat with my friends on DU for a while and that is not like me.

[TahitiNut]

35. This isn't the first time you've had such a 'relationship', right?

With all due (truly) love and respect, you'd benefit most by seeking the kind of "learning experience" that offered you an insight into why you make such choices and assisted you in making better choices ... ones far more respectful of yourself.


IMHO, this really isn't "the place" for that ... nor can such discussions take place here productively without inviting some comments that're misguided and/or uncivil.

[Bertha Venation]

9. oh, my

I'm sorry to hear of it. I wish I had some great advice. Here's a :hug: and please feel free to email or pm me if you need someone to vent to or bounce ideas off of. :hug:

BTW, it's good to see you.

[Lostmessage]

11. I have been wanting to talk to you for a while

Thanks its good to talk to you again.

[democratreformed]

10. Many times.

Please gather the strength to not put up with this. He has to take responsibility for himself - not run you ragged trying to do it for him.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. Don't walk away

Run, honey.

You'll never regret it. If there's no decent man who will love you, you can at least be loving to yourself. :hug:

[supernova]

14. Another vote for dumping the SOB

There's no reason you should put up with this behavior. Doesn't matter what he thinks his excuses are.

You deserve better, Lostmessage. And quite frankly being alone and not having this situation hanging over you would be far better. :hug:

[bratcatinok]

17. When someone elses drinking is

driving you crazy then you're the one with the problem.

I know that sounds harsh but think about it for a second. Last night you set up different scenarios trying to get him to 'prove' to you he wasn't lying and that he really was at home. You spent your valuable time on someone who was playing games with your mind and your heart. You're giving your power away today because your thoughts are preoccupied with someone elses drinking and what he means when he says ______.

If you want to know how to help yourself and him then I would suggest you do what I did when I was obsessed with an alcoholic.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I don't know what city you're in but there are meetings of AlAnon everywhere. Believe me when I say AlAnon can be a lifesaver.

[Lostmessage]

20. Thanks

Thanks for the link.

I can't take the lying, drunk driving and possibly he is sleeping with prostitutes/strippers that he has going on in his life.

[bratcatinok]

24. I understand

I've been there. I was married to the alcoholic that was driving me crazy.

Being involved with an alcoholic is the very definition of insanity. We do things that are crazy and we don't understand why we do them and why we don't just cut and run. We want to leave but don't know how we can live without them. Our self esteem sinks to non-existent because we don't understand why they keep drinking when they have so much to lose. And why don't they love us enough to want to keep us in their life? Haven't we told them we were leaving? Don't they even care?

Does that sound anything at all like you? That was me before I fought my way back to sanity.

Feel free to PM me. I've walked in your shoes.

[Insider]

18. best wishes on this

you can make it thru, and come out better on the other side.

:grouphug:

[NightTrain]

19. Funny you should mention that!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=961502&mesg_id=961502

[SarahB]

21. Run!

What's the point? I think sometimes things can be worked out if difficult circumstances if the people involved are mentally coherent, but this guy doesn't sound like he is. Why would you want anyone with so many problems within his own character? Problems, difficulties, or bad circumstances are hard enough, but these problems are within himself an the won't change. :hug:

[Don_G]

25. Funnny You Should Mention This

The poster has been on Social Security/Disability for over 15 years now.

I've met her and you haven't....

[Lostmessage]

28. I love him he just doesn't love me back

?

[smirkymonkey]

43. What do you mean?

seriously, I am confused by your post. :shrug:

[Dookus]

45. the two people involved here

have a long-term, on-going destructive relationship. They should stay the hell away from each other, for BOTH their sakes.

[smirkymonkey]

54. Oh, ok... thanks for the

explaination!

[Lostmessage]

47. What is up with you?

???

[Lostmessage]

26. I care about him but I can't take it anymore

When he gets stopped he will got to prison.

[AntiCoup2K4]

57. Maybe prison is exactly where he should be?

Drunk drivers are criminals under the law. And every time they get behind the wheel, they are potential murderers. If it takes a prison sentence to wake this guy up, maybe that's not a bad thing. Hopefully it won't be at the expense of someone else's life.

As for the entire situation, other than echoing all the other comments, the only thing I can add is that one person with serious problems is bad enough, but by your own description, there's TWO here. And two fucked up people will never sustain a healthy relationship.

Take care of yourself first. Get healthy, then it will be easier to find someone better. And from personal experience.... long distance relationships are more trouble than they're worth. Even if everything else was going in your favor I would advise against that, without a realistic plan of somebody relocating.

[Dead_Parrot]

23. I was that man...

...Not with you, of course, but in general: My advise is, run like fuck. If you still fancy him in 10 years, and he's not inside, then OK, start again. but otherwise, leave alone 'till he finds his own way, and take it fron there...

[Zorra]

27. A dear friend once told me this:

"You have to do what you have to do. So if you know what you have to do, then do it".

This is some of the best advice I have ever been given.

[Lostmessage]

29. When someone lives far from you

It's hard to have a relationship with them if they won't answer you on the phone.

I love this man but it's a two way street and I can't keep trying to make it work when he refuses to talk to me when I need to talk to him.

I think deep down he doesn't know what he wants and he wants me because he won't have to look any further which will save him some time.

I just can't take not being able to get a hold of him anymore and I am on the verge of a breakdown.

[Don_G]

30. It Was The Best 5 Thousand I've Ever Invested

In a DU'er with seven names/personalities.

[prolesunited]

36. Yes, I think this DUer

does indeed have seven personalities to go along with each screen name.

Since you guys are airing this out in public, I'll provide my unsolicited advice: Don_G is the one who should be running from this situation.

[DS1]

41. Lady Democrat, corarose, et al?

[Don_G]

44. Yep

[camero]

46. That just makes me sick to my stomach

There have been a couple of DUers that have been more than willing to help me in my time of need and to see you get scammed makes me more than :grr:. Run from this fast. I'm sorry it happened to you.

[bratcatinok]

52. So in other words

sharing my experience, strength and hope would be the same as whistling in the wind?

[DS1]

55. Yes

All combine forces to create a giant biped robot loon

[greatauntoftriplets]

50. But this is such great comedy!

.

[DS1]

53. I've never seen anything like it

Time to get my ninja homicide bombing toilet attack fish all fired up again

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

58. That's the fifth fucking keyboard of mine that you've RUINED Martin!

[DS1]

59. Ask not for whom the fish paddle

[greatauntoftriplets]

61. Splitting my sides here.

.

[DS1]

62. Happy days are here again!!

/In my highest "The Darkness" voice

[bicentennial_baby]

69. Oh Jeebus Fucking Christ

Not again!!!! :crazy:

[Bunny]

88. I recognized these alter egos months ago

when lostmessage first turned up here. Wondered when it would be confirmed. :eyes:

[camero]

32. Just now (but in a different way)

I tried to get my doctor's records because I have an appt. at the disability office tomorrow and they basically told me I don't have a right to my records. A 5 mile bike ride for nothing pretty much. :(
Small victory though, I did make it back home.

If I was you I would just let go and not look back. The guy sounds like a major league jerk and he is playing you. It's not easy I know.
I'm sorry this happened to you. There are good guys out there.

Edit: I did manage to get my bloodwork yesterday but I thought I needed more. I must have gotten the one that didn't know yesterday. :(

[supernova]

34. What?!

OT: You most certainly are entitled to your records, camero. Whoever told you you weren't was full of shit.

You do have to sign a release form, or take them a letter granting release of the records. But yes, you are entitled.

[camero]

38. I figured as much

I signed a release form yesterday for my bloodwork and that lady gave them to me but I thought I should also bring down the doctor's notes from when I changed over to insulin therapy and it was a lady that always gives me a hard time when I go. Charity care sucks I tell ya.

They also charge a dollar a copy. Which I had to borrow from my mom. Oh well, I'll just have the lawyer get them after I file the claim. Since I was already denied once a couple of years ago, the lawyer I spoke to says I can get their services after tomorrow when I file the claim.

Edit: Yikes, Jellybean time. Be right back.

[buddhamama]

33. i choose not to think in those terms

did he fuck you over or did you fuck yourself over?

you knew of his problems before getting emotionally involved with him
yet you chose to do so anyway.

it is up to you, and you alone, to decide if you have it in you to continue to care for this man and be a part of his life.

if he is lying to you that is unfortunate
but again, if you have endured this thing in the past
why shouldn't he expect to be able to do so again
without repercussions.

[johnnie]

37. Interesting...

I have a very good friend who is going thru this same thing. In fact, if it wasn't for a few details I would think you are either involved with the same man or you are my friend.
I have been trying to talk to her about it for quite some time now, but with little success. In fact she just called me from Florida when her plane landed and she is visiting him for the weekend to "break it off".
So many people posted some really interesting things here and I think I might be able to use some for further discussion with her.
As for you...please take some of the advice offered here. It is hard to break away from someone you care about, but it's not worth your own unhappiness for someone who is playing you for a fool. I'm sorry to hear about all of this and I honestly hope all works out for you.

[Burma Jones]

39. I once told a Boss that the only things that get f*cked are...

pussies and assholes. It was a glib little comment but I think he took it as his credo and proceeded to see into which category many of us staffers fit.


That having been said....RUN RUN RUN from this man.

[Lostmessage]

48. I am worried about the man that I am speaking about

If he gets caught drunk driving I will never see him again he will go straight to jail.

I was going to marry him and he has asked me 1000 times and we LOVE EACH other.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

49. This all sounds quite dysfunctional

[Dookus]

51. of course it is

on both sides.

I'd be annoyed that they keep bringing it here to DU, if it weren't such an entertaining soap opera.

[buddhamama]

56. damn. i had no idea

lostmessage was corarose etc

poor Don_G.

[prolesunited]

60. Frankly

He seems to be a willing participant in this psychodrama. I would strongly recommend counseling for both of you and you may want to rethink the marriage thing.

I normally don't still my nose into other people's business, but it apparently needed or wanted in this case.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

63. Being the target of one's sick fixations on you isn't fun..ask me anything

[prolesunited]

64. In this case,

the sick fascination appears to be mutual.

[DS1]

65. Nah, in this case it's communal

There's an entire village at odds with each other here, let's not forget that.

[bratcatinok]

68. After all of the crap

I went through with my alcoholic husband and the years of recovery it took me to become sane again, reading about this (on both threads) has my stomach tied in a knot.

Is this some sick April Fool's joke or is this what it seems to be? I hope it's an April Fool's joke.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

71. It's sick but it's not a joke

I am sorry you chose to care in this case..most times when Du'ers ask for help and advice they ask in earnest...

[buddhamama]

66. oh i know.

been there done that.

forgot :hi: Teena! :loveya:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

67. I AM SO FUCKING PISSED

As someone who actually HAS been targetted by s sick fuck who used to post on this board and who now SETS MY FUCKINH HOUSE alarm..I think both of you are really beyond the pale and beyond words.

My advice to Corarose and her numerous identities and to Don G is SEEK FUCKING THERAPY for your dysfunctional behavior.

THIS HORSESHIT makes life impossible for admin...makes it seem like ANYONE who claims to have been a target for another is not being honest and frankly just SHITS ALL OVER DU.

How dare you BOTH!!!

Can't you get enough attention for this sick fucking bullshit on USENET??

we've ALL JUST BEEN FUCKED OVER BY BOTH OF YOU!!!..ANYONE WHO HAD AN OUNCE OF SYMPATHY FOR EITHER OF YOU HAS BEEN FUCKED OVER BY YOUR INSATIABLE DESIRE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION

[supernova]

70. Thank you Teena

for your clarity.

This thread is just crazy. Period. And I'm not going to comment on it anymore.

I hope You two, Don G and Lostmessage, get some counseling.

[GOPisEvil]

72. THANK YOU!

[buddhamama]

73. you're absolutely right

:hug:

[Dookus]

74. What NSMA said...

The relationship is sick enough, but the need to air every bit of your dysfunctions here on DU and play off the good will of others is beyond the pale.

[DS1]

75. I AM NOT A LUNATIC CULINARY COLLEGE STUDENT

SO STOP SAYING THAT!!!

I am funny and smart and about to hang myself with a rope I made out of, wait this is just a string of sausages I think my chef told me you can support up to 50 pounds with them maybe I'll use it to dispense my diet pills instead and don't try to be his favorite because I'm his favorite and I'll throw yeast in your meatloaf if you fuck with me!

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

No offense, T.

[Dookus]

77. OMFG...

literally laughing out loud

[camero]

79. Funniest......post....ever.

:D

[GOPisEvil]

82. Pfffft!!! Dammit!

*cleans spit off monitor*

[supernova]

83. ARRRGGH! I know I promised

I would post in this thread again, but

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Again, you two, get into therapy instead of marriage.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

85. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make me laugh when I'm pissed?

;-)

[greatauntoftriplets]

76. Well said, Teena.

Just think of what they'd do once married!!!

[SarahB]

78. Wow!

All of the sudden I'm feeling quite fuctional (and that is hard to do these days). Take it off the board, you two! :eyes:

[Donkeyboy75]

80. Wooooooooo-eee!

After reading this thread, sounds like the two of you deserve each other.

:toast:

[Blue-Jay]

81. I don't know about the rest of you....

But I'm breaking out the popcorn and putting my feet up.

This shit is golden.

[Dookus]

84. in another thread

she intimates that she's pregnant.

Tune in tomorrow....

[camero]

86. From a long distance relationship

The UFO's are out today, eh? :D

[Blue-Jay]

87. I saw that.

She didn't necessarily hint that she was pregnant. Just that Don's gonna be a Baby-Daddy.

<munch munch munch>

[Madrone]

90. Nope - she said she was afraid she was going to lose the

baby - because of her age.

I'll agree that it is most difficult to connect the dots in this saga - but seems like she's saying she is pregnant with his child.

These threads are certainly putting the FUN back in dysfunctional...

[Blue-Jay]

91. Ahh so.

I gotta stop skimming, it seems.

<jer-RY! jer-RY! jer-RY!>

[bratcatinok]

89. Pity the poor child who

has these two as their parents. (Not that I'm buying into her being pregnant.)

[Insider]

92. okay, is there a connection here?

and did anyone else say congrats on one, and dump the bum on the other?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x957852

[Madrone]

93. There's a connection -

and, frankly, if they decide to get married I think they should register with a psychiatrist. Those therapy bills are going to be WAY expensive.

[bratcatinok]

94. If they decide to marry I think

they ought to reserve the honeymoon suite at the local mental hospital.

[Nikia]

95. This is all very weird

That's all I have to say.

[Moderator]

96. Locking

This is getting unproductive.