No matter what I go in for, my doc won't prescribe medical marijuana

[struggle4progress]

s4p: My nose is drippin somethin fierce, doc

doc: Looks like you got a cold. Try some generic OTC shizz

s4p: Maybe medical marijuana? I hear it's best for colds!

doc: No

s4p: Hey! Did you see this rash on my legs? Whoa!

doc: Try switching laundry detergents and call me back if it's not better in a few weeks

s4p: Ow! Ouch! This is a really painful rash! How about some medical marijuana?

doc: No

s4p: Sometimes I snore so loud, I wake myself up. Isn't medical marijuana supposed to help that?

doc: Sleep on your stomach

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. s4p: I never laugh in the DU Lounge. How about some medical marijuana?

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Answer (a): Here's a prescription. No... wait. Here's FIVE prescriptions.
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Answer (b): Lie down while I call the morgue.
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[Curmudgeoness]

2. Sounds like you need a new doctor.

That doc of yours doesn't know what he/she is doing.

[struggle4progress]

5. Young whippersnapper probably doesn't even know what moxibustion is

[Curmudgeoness]

12. LOL, neither did I. But I now know at least what is available online.

Had to look that one up. So he won't let you use mugwort either? Damn him.

[struggle4progress]

14. Apparently he has some superstitious prejudice against burning herbs as a modern

medical treatment

[pscot]

17. Or he may have a superstitious prejudice

against the BATF swooping in an confiscating all his office records.

[struggle4progress]

20. Oh, bullshit! BATF wouldn't raid his offices: that's the DEA's job. And why should they care?

Medical marijuana isn't legal here anywhere within hundreds of miles of here anyway, so it wouldn't matter whether or not he wrote me a script for it: there's nowhere I could go fill it

It also seems to me that if you're gonna speculate about the motives and education of an imaginary doctor, you really oughta invent your own imaginary doctor and not use mine: this useless ignorant piece-of-shizz doctor is my invention, so I'm the one who gets to define his background, qualifications, and general knowledge level

[pscot]

21. Let me say this about that

[struggle4progress]

24. Holy moly! That guy's one of the first reasons most of my friends ever gave for abusing drugs!

Everybody back then was, like, Oh, man, we don't think we can possibly deal with all this toxic psychotic bullshizz unless we're hallucinating

[Chan790]

3. Tell him you've got shy glaucoma.

It hides whenever they test for it.

[bluedigger]

4. Extreme anxiety.

From lack of access to MMJ.

[Aristus]

6. I don't have an objection to medical marijuana, although my clinic is

legally enjoined from prescribing it.

But if you come into my clinic demanding narcotic medication, I'm just gonna drop-kick you right back out...

God! The pleas and begging I get for percocet, Vicodin, oxycodone, methadone, you name it...

[SOteric]

7. I'd really like to get a prescription

for chocolate, red wine and long snuggle with a cat. What's in your forumulary? :hi:

[Aristus]

9. Rx:

Patient's Name: SOteric.

1. Chocolate - Dark, >80% Cacao & pinch of sea salt. #: Lifetime supply. Sig: 1-2 squares prn depression or irresistible craving.

2. Red Wine - Mouton Cadet Bordeaux. #: 1 case. Unlimited refills. Sig: 1-2 glasses prn partying or snuggling.

Total Medications: 2

Provider: Aristus, PA-C

The cat, you'll have to supply...

B-)

[SOteric]

11. I'm writing you in as my Primary Care Provider!

:D

[Aristus]

13. Establishing care with a new provider requires a physical exam.

:P

[struggle4progress]

10. Yeah, it's not legal here, either

[LucySky]

8. tell him that you are clinically addicted to pot. that should work.

[Aristus]

15. I had a patient in today who seemed to be combining a medical persecution complex

with delusions of grandeur. And marijuana is mixed up in all that. I'll get to it...

He is massively non-compliant with his Diabetes treatment program. He claims that his medications don't work.

I said: "They work for everybody else."

He said: "I'm different. Medications never work for me the way they work for others. The only thing that helps me is marijuana."

He also claimed to be suffering from depression, which seemed plausible enough. I had him sit with our Behavioral Health Care coordinator before leaving.

She came out of the room a little goggle-eyed. "That guy is NUTS!" - yes, an unscientific assessment, but fairly accurate all the same...

[boppers]

16. That assessment is in the DSM(-1)

Not 1, the first version, but -1, the seekrit version.

[boppers]

18. Have you considered getting terminally ill with a painful form of cancer?

That generally opens up doors.

Of course, it also closes some.

[mulsh]

19. tell you doctor

you feel anxious all the time. give him a few symptoms and when the doctor asks you why you think you're feeling so anxious tell him "it's because I can't get any pot." this actually worked for my twin brother here in Oakland.

[TheCanadianLiberal]

22. I don't think anyone should get...

any marijuana, medical or not. I have always and will always be against it's use.

[struggle4progress]

25. What's your stand on medical mescaline?

[cherokeeprogressive]

23. Here's the ticket...

Try this...

[Heidi]

26. Maybe you don't really need it, medically speaking. Not everyone does.

I believe it should be legal for both medicinal and recreational uses, but until that time, I think it's mean-spirited to do or say anything that diminishes the plight of those who truly do need marijuana to alleviate suffering.

Suffering is not a joke, even in The Lounge.

[Taverner]

28. Yeah, and maybe those dying of cancer don't need Morphine

Maybe they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps or some shit...:eyes:

[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[struggle4progress]

31. It's not legal here, so I wouldn't be asking a doc for it anyway. As an old hippie,

I think the stuff is pretty harmless, but I stopped toking some decades ago when I became seriously interested in political matters. I don't think I've made fun of anyone's suffering: I intended the OP as a joke at my own expense -- but, of course, YMMV

[Taverner]

27. Get a new doctor

Get one who specializes in Med Marijuana Scrips

If you're in the bay area I can rec one

[davsand]

30. I had a doc just about panic when I asked about MJ for Glaucoma.

When I was first diagnosed with Glaucoma over a decade ago, I asked the eye doc about Glaucoma treatments and how pot impacts on inner eye pressure. The doc immediately got all paranoid :eyes: an asked me where I got that information. "Well, Duh! I can read, and I have access to the internet!"

Once he took a second to think about it, he explained that the drop in eye pressure from pot is not a long term thing--that you'd need to smoke about every hour or so around the clock to keep pressure at lower levels.

Then he looked over his shoulder and says, "you know, I could lose my medical license for just discussing this with you."

I looked him dead in the eye and told him that whatever he and I discussed had fucking well better be confidential and he had a lot more than the loss of his med license to worry about if anybody ever got cranky about me asking him for information as his patient.

He broke out laughing at that point.

We have had a great working relationship ever since. He still won't give me a script for med use, nor will I ask him for one because it isn't legal yet in my state. We did discuss the status of med use legislation last time I visited, however.



Laura