what is "normal"? Do you march to the beat of your own drummer?

[JitterbugPerfume]

I have always took pride in being somewhat "different" and marching to the beat of my own drummer, but the truth is I am very similar to my sisters in what I read ,the music I enjoy, etc

How much is nature?

How much is nurture?

Are democrats/ republicans born that way?

[HopeHoops]

1. "Normal" is dancing naked with a salad shooter.

Bonus points for doing it outside, around a fire, and in January with a foot of snow on the ground.

[JitterbugPerfume]

3. I would pay to see that!

[Old Troop]

46. It seems like everyone does that now.

[Deep13]

2. I don't have much choice: Asperger's. nt

[JitterbugPerfume]

4. I have always been fascinated with Asperger's

some of the most creative and interesting people I have came across here have Aspergers.

[hifiguy]

29. Same here, Deep13

DX's Feb '05. It explained pretty much everything about my very odd life and was an enormous relief.

[Deep13]

41. I first heard about the condition in a case I was reading.

Didn't know what it was, so I looked it up. There I read a description of my personality. High functioning, proficient verbally and conceptually, avoidance of eye contact, unable to function socially. My doc declined to diagnose it because there is no treatment and she didn't think it was a good idea to put that in my records if there was nothing she could do about it.

It explained everything, but I can't say it is a relief since there is nothing I can do about it. I have heard that autism spectrum disorders are correlated to a reduced communication between the front and back of the brain causing a diminished concept of self. What I mean by that is a person with autism does not have a good idea of where he or she fits into a social situation. Given my background, mine is to assume I'm unwelcomed and at the bottom of the pecking order. Some people with Asperger's come off as conceited and arrogant because they don't know how to manage self-limits. In any event, it still sucks.

[hifiguy]

44. I am much the same way.

After getting Dx'd I explained it to people with the analogy that I am almost exactly like Data from STNG. I look perfectly normal, but the way I process things is entirely through the logic channels. There's no interpersonal "empathy" whatsoever even though I consider myself a compassionate person. I don't do eye contact, am hopeless with people I don't know well, can't read people at all and don't get anything that isn't verbal. I really get emotions only when they are explained to me, as in a good book or film, or are so obvious that Stevie Wonder could see them. Music, however, has always had the power to greatly move me.

Despite all of that I was incredibly successful academically because I was such a focused and dedicated wonk in college and grad school. Sank like a stone in the "real world" of neurotypicals once I was out of school, hit bottom, and after nearly 20 years of flailing around lucked into a position where my limitations and strengths are both acknowledged. One of my therapists told me, post dx, that she couldn't even begin to imagine how complex and sophisticated my coping mechanisms were to make it through seven years of college and grad school so successfully. I don't think about them, they are just there, the result of several decades of having to deal with a world that can be cruel, strange and sometimes extremely amusing to me.

My experiences with "placing myself" in a new situation are identical to yours. A bunch of musicians, or a trade show related to my avocation presents no problem. I am in the company of fellow geeks in those places and there's _always_ something to talk about and break the ice. Everyday social situations? Hopeless.

I once worked with a singer on a project (I play bass guitar in my spare time) who, after I'd known her for a while, told me that she thought I was the coldest and most arrogant person she'd ever met until she had been around me for a while and figured out that I was just "different." I usually come off as a very cold fish around peeps I don't know, and fairly well at that. I did learn early on to have a healthy respect for personal space, mainly because I am exceedingly sensitive about having my own invaded, and extend the same courtesy to others. To this day I don't like being touched or touching other people more than the extent of a handshake.

The Dx was a relief, because for years I couldn't figure out why my life had been so hard and unfulfilling. After learning that I was born the way I am, I was able to lighten up and accept it and stop torturing myself for not "getting it." I CAN'T get some things, and so be it.

At this point in my life, I don't think I'd change myself even if I could. I rather like the person I am and the handful of friends who are genuinely important to me do as well.

[hobbit709]

5. I don't march but I amble along at my own beat.

[bif]

6. Depends on who the drummer is.

If you're talking about a Lewis Nash or Tony Williams, you bet!

[old mark]

7. The late great Tony Thompson-one of my favorites to"march" to...

with Power Station, live- Some Like It Hot...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKHdU26IE8&feature=related


mark

[arbusto_baboso]

9. He was a great one, yes.

Mark Brzezicki of Big Country is the only one alive who comes close to Thompson, I think.

[JitterbugPerfume]

27. that is pretty awesome

[arbusto_baboso]

8. Drummer? Hell, I don't even have a drummer, Sonny Jim, I have a bagpiper.

And I don't know about "normal", but I think righties tend to have more desire to be "normal" however it is they perceive it. And they tend to be some of the most twisted fucks on the planet, ironically.

[JitterbugPerfume]

28. bagpipes are way cool

"normal" to me is mind stifling boredom.

[GoneOffShore]

10. I march to the beat of a different accordion.

[arbusto_baboso]

11. Did you know most state sanitation codes expressly forbid the return of a used accordion?

It's true!

[JitterbugPerfume]

30. Beer barrel polka,anyone?

that is almost to much fun.

[geardaddy]

12. unfortunately, like Spinal Tap, my own drummer keeps dying.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

13. My "normal" is "F" them if they can't take a joke

DEFINITELY marching to the beat of my own drummer.

DEFINITELY biting the hand that feeds me...YUM!

Wouldn't have it any other way.

[yankeepants]

14. I spent the last several years taking care of my mother

She died in january. I spent so much time with her that I know that I am exactly like her. I know that I will age just like her which is not a bad thing other than the dementia from age 88-92.

Our lives/personalities run so utterly parallel only 40 years apart that it is almost frightening. My sister is quite different and more like my mother's sister in life choices/(christian right wing) personality.

I have spent a considerable time contemplating the nature/nurture thing in the last couple of years but I know one thing. . . As soon as I suspect the dementia/alz's setting in I have a horse tranques and single malt scotch evening waiting for me.

[JitterbugPerfume]

31. My mom had dementia too

she went from a fun loving and sweet woman to someone who didn't know her own children. On the other hand daddy lived to almost 96 and his mind was sharp until the end . I am more like mom and it scares me sometimes .:hug:

[Inchworm]

15. I strive to be normal

And fail at it multiple times a day :D

:hi:

[old mark]

16. IMO, it's nature and nurture in combination, but much of what we like to think of as our own

choosing is wired in to us from before birth.


mark

[JitterbugPerfume]

32. I am pretty sure you are right ,Mark.

[LiberalEsto]

17. Normal is boring

I do my own drumming

[zen_bohemian]

18. who wants to be normal anyway.....

how boring the world would be if everyone was the same, drum on!!

[MiddleFingerMom]

19. MiddleFingerMom always does his best to blend in with the crowd.

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Once, when coloring on the floor with my pre-school (at the time) niece,
I realized that she had stopped cold and was staring at me with a puzzled
look on her face. I let her take her time... and she finally asked, "Uncle
MiddleFingerMom, you're... ... ... ... ... ... different, aren't you?"
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MiddleFingerMomSis (her mother), who overheard this, started HOWLING
with laughter.
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"Yes. Yes, I am."
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I still consider it one of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten in my life.
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Oh... and about doing my best to blend in with the crowd? 's true.
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[JitterbugPerfume]

33. Middle Finger Mom, you are a parade all by yourself

and we would not have you any other way:loveya:

[Curmudgeoness]

20. I scare people because I march without a drum.

But my sisters are very very proper. And Republican. My brother and I were the "black sheep", meaning we never did things just because they were normal. So I have to say it has to be more nature than nurture.

Story from my childhood---my older sister took my to see Bambi. When Bambi's mother died, I went into hysterics and thought that my mother was dead. She had to take me home to see that she wasn't dead. Empathy before I knew the word. Empathy at a time when I would not have learned it, so I always assume it is nature.

[JitterbugPerfume]

35. I have a Republican sister too-

She "encouraged" me to read Ayn Rand when we were in our early teens. Needles to say it didn't have the affect on me she had hoped for. She is 70+ now and still has a stick up her butt.

[Curmudgeoness]

45. LOL, sounds familiar. I love my sisters, but we just can't talk politics. nt

[triguy46]

21. Yes and no.

I give myself to "the man" 8 hours a day, and I give good value. The rest of the time I am my own man. So, as a contrast, I'm an executive who lives in a little farm house and grow most my own food, and do a little farming. During monday through friday I'm a suit and necktie guy, a boss, a decider, a hirer and a firer. But I have NEVER EVER voted for a republican. To thine own self be true.

I pimp myself for a paycheck that lets me lead the life I believe in.

[RedCloud]

22. You and I travel to the beat of a different drum

Ah can't you tell by the way I run
Every time you make eyes at me
Wo-oh

Nature is about $199 per year. ($4 an issue)

Actually I think our friends play a very huge role in our lives. I used to hang out with lateral thinkers, FWIW

[chollybocker]

23. There is no such thing as normal.

"I don't want to work, I want to bang on the drum all day."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZclddLcOYYA

[clyrc]

24. Nature and nurture are both important

But I'm not sure what the balance is. Since I'm a stay at home mom, who devotes a lot of my time to being a mom and trying to be a good one, I think about this a lot. My oldest daughter is so much like her dad, it's eerie at times. The challenge with her is trying to make her deal with her innate stubborness in a positive way. My youngest reminds me so much of my grandma, right down to her fascination with all things Japanese. Unfortunately, she also got the jealousy and love of throwing drama from grandma, which drives me crazy. I've told her that if she doesn't learn to deal with her jealous nature, she will only make herself miserable in the long run. Both the girls are really sold on the " I can't help it!" excuse, and I'm really big on the "You've got to try, for your own sake!" approach. Trying to help them is difficult for me, because I don't want to seem too critical or too demanding, and I don't always know exactly what to do to help, anyway. But I want them both to be happy and healthy, dammit, and I want them to have a head start in dealing with their own problems that I didn't have.

As for myself, I would definitely say I march to a different drummer. A difficult, perverse, contrary drummer. I'm more like my crazy brother than makes me comfortable, and less like my laid back, fairly well adjusted sister than I would like to be. I wish I was smarter, so I devote a lot of time to reading and learning any way I can. I wish I was calmer, so I go to meditation and I try to focus on staying calm. The one thing I have absolutely no clue how to do is fit better with other people. Compassion is definitely a high priority with me, but really I don't understand other people and it shows. I've been really lonely lots of times in my life, but I've never been convinced that trying to fit better by pretending to be something I'm not was a good idea.

That said, though, I haven't really seen much from other people I would call normal. Everyone seems to be a little weird in one way or another.

[Rowdyboy]

25. Southern homosexual intellectual Democratic dumbass if you please....

Southern, homosexual and dumbass by birth (nature), intellectual and Democratic by upbringing (nurture).

As to the question "are Democrats born that way?" I have no answer. I was born into a mildly conservative Democratic family but I really didn't realize that until much later. I think I became a Democrat while listening to my baby sister cry herself to sleep with a toothache because mom couldn't afford to take her to the dentist way back in the late 1960's. Melinda turned 50 yesterday and yes, sadly, her teeth are still terrible. Poverty sucks. I gues maybe I do have an answer after all. Its nurture.

Bu the way, hello again dear friend. Hope all is well.

[JitterbugPerfume]

36. Rowdyboy!

I can not tell you how much I have missed you!

and you are right , poverty sucks. it holds so many wonderful and loving people back from contributing .

I remember tooth aches when I was a small child . By some miracle I have good teeth now but I will never forget those toothaches , and a sore throat that caused me to miss so much of childhood.Later on daddy did better and my younger siblings escaped that , for which I am grateful.

[fizzgig]

26. i can't tell nature from nuture

i'm the weirdo freak child of weirdo freak parents. we all amble/meander/dance/groove/skip to our own soundtrack.

eta: and by weirdo freak, i mean from the perspective of 'outsiders.' to you guys, we probably seem pretty damn normal.

[Moondog]

34. Normality is overrated. So is marching - I prefer to amble.

[Bucky]

37. Like everybody else in this thread, I refuse to just go along with the crowd.

Hell, with this degree of nonconformity permeating the Lounge, I'd be afraid of sticking out by mimicking my peer group.

[Arkansas Granny]

38. I end a lot of statements with "---or whatever passes for normal around here".

If there actually is a normal, I'm sure that I've never achieved it and I hope I never do.

[LaurenG]

39. Most definitely a different drummer and a loner to boot.

Though I do like the Twilight series along with millions of other teen-aged girls and I'm not a teen.

:)

[pitohui]

40. not considered even remotely normal

in person i am considered to be profoundly strange, i doubt i pass as terribly normal on the internet but it is significantly easier since people can't see me and make judgments based on physical appearance, mannerisms, etc.

my siblings and i have almost nothing in common and, really, never did

as a child i was dx'd as a high functioning autistic but i think i reject this dx, it simply doesn't make sense to me, the hfa's/asperger's i meet can't do the things i do, they are very limited

i'm just a one-off as far as i can tell

i prefer the term eccentric

[backwoodsbob]

42. my own drummer?..my own universe

My wife loves my cd collection..it goes from sorry ass rock stuff to doowap to Elton to serious classical stuff to great rock classics to Eminem to Kid Rock...oh wait..I already said sorry ass rock...sorry.

I hunt but am probably the biggest dog rescue person on the site.Won't blink about putting meat in the freezer come deer season and have offered to drive 1500 miles round trip to rescue a dog that otherwise was looking like it was going to be abandoned

I'm weird :o

[kickysnana]

43. I had two sons one was terrified of dolls at 6 weeks and one hummed when he ate...

Both are great Dads. I have two grandsons. One is terrified of dolls (they are working on it with him) the other hummed when he ate.

I snapped a picture of my eldest at about age 18 sitting in a chair talking to my Dad. They had exactly the same pose, they were kind of knotted up to keep from fidgeting. My grandson, gets in a chair and rocks whether or not it is a rocking chair. I imagine at age 18 he will strike the same pose. My nephew kept breaking beds because he rocked in his bed in his sleep.

My Mom on her death bed after her last care conference looked at me pointedly and said rather crabbily as she was feeling bad "I know you have more questions, you always have more questions." My kids only stopped asking questions when they married and became know-it-alls.

Don't get me started on having to "ask the right question".

Anyway it looks like nature is really strong but nurture smooths out the bumps that drive other folks nuts.

Here's to family nature and nurturing.

[MilesColtrane]

47. Other people sort of creep me out.

When I was in preschool I was happiest when I got in trouble and put in Time Out by myself in the hallway.