Sometimes I think I picked the wrong job.

[alarimer]

Well I guess I mean the wrong profession. I wanted to be a marine biologist my whole life. I majored in it in college and then attempted grad school. I quit that attempt because I felt so lost. I was clueless. Yes, I was good at my classes but when it came time to decide on a thesis project, I was completely adrift and felt like I had no one to help me.

I had no idea how people even come up with ideas. I am good at executing whatever anybody tells me to do but I cannot think up ideas myself. So I quit and found a job; I've been here for a long time and I am totally stagnating.

I did eventually go back to grad school. Took me seven years but I finished. My thesis sucks. My results sucked. Now, almost three years later I have still not written any papers.

I don't know how and I don't even know how to ask for help. I am beginning to think I am incapable of doing actual science. I can write but only if someone else comes up with the idea first. I lie awake nights with my stomach in knots unhappy with my position but incapable of doing anything about it. I feel like such a loser. I know I can do more than I am doing but I have no idea how to get there. So I procrastinate (and that is why it took me 7 years to get my degree); it is easier to just avoid facing my complete and utter lack of ability. I feel like I have wasted my life. I hate my job but can't advance because I haven't developed my skills. I am so completely at a loss.

[ohheckyeah]

1. How much time do you actually

devote to thinking up ideas and being creative? I think creativity is a discipline that you can learn by setting aside time and really thinking and writing ideas down. Keep a journal and write ideas in it every day and see what you come up with.

And with my own creativity at an all time low, I'm going to take my own advice and go write in my journal for the first time in ages.

Good luck! I hope you find what you need.

[freshwest]

2. Would watching or reading some science fiction help? It seems it would give some inspiration.

Just get into it, put your emotions into the story and let it flow. A lot of science fiction is now science fact. Ever imagined what might be going on beyond the bounds of the traditional, what species or environments make typical specimens or systems expand?

Stuff like that, you know. I hope that helps but I didn't get to finish myself as family obligations tore me away; sometimes relationships and the needs of others cause us to settle for much less than we wanted to be, to turn back from the paths that would take us away from those depending on us.

On a practical note, you sound depressed which gives rise to negative beliefs about things that would be better off in the neutral realm. When one is down, there are always possibilities and alternatives, yet because of brain chemistry, the conclusions the mind picks as being reality or more true or logical, are negative and in the worst possible, and not necessarily so.

The mind in that state rejects anything leading to other thoughts, kind of circling around, shutting out the chance for a positive outcome. Regarding procrastination, it is always because one is afraid of failure, or fears success. It is unknown, it is a flow into a future that is not completely in one's comfort zone or control, but it is living and rewarding.

I would suggest using EFT on yourself for stopping procrastination and eliminating these blocks. In doing so, you will experience an emotional relief. I did it and it brought out many of my self-limiting behaviors, which had become a real obstacle to my getting the most basic things done. It works. You can message me for more information on the most simple and easy methods. They are free online if you know where they are.

[necso]

3. In my rather truncated "professional" career,

I did a number of different things, and did them well enough that management (and my peers) generally thought well of my work (I originally wrote "me" instead of "my work"; but that wouldn't be true... I tend to have little tolerance for the politics and other bs that permeates a lot of workplaces and therefore typically get labeled as having an attitude-problem) -- and kept me on when many of my peers were let go.

However, I never felt entirely comfortable* in my work, and I often felt inadequate to the challenges that I faced (there's always so much more to learn, to do). (Btw, I've never worked in the field I majored in (Earth Sciences); although it continues to interest me. And I never even tried to get into graduate school; I'm a poor student, and not self-motivated.)

But through all of my struggles and unhappiness, I kept coming back to one place: beating up on yourself is a really bad idea; an unaffordable luxury.

As for coming up with ideas, there are many potential sources for this. Some folks just naturally seem to be bubbling with ideas (certain of which may even pan out); but others don't. However, even for these other folks there are many potential springs for ideas. For example, you can read through the literature (more broadly, peruse the media) looking for things others may have missed -- or have gotten wrong. Or you can just go the observational route (although this can take a long time). Or you can go a more constructionist** route: say, tossing different constructs (ideas) against each other to see if this leads anywhere; or decomposing constructs looking for things that have been overlooked (eg, the missing "C" in the set {A, B, D}); or you can take existing models and put them together in different ways -- or challenge underlying assumptions and see where this takes you.

Me, I'm not very creative in the sense of that bubbling up of new ideas; but I can use other tools (after much practice) to much the same ends. And after a while it's like your other-than-conscience mind will just start doing these things by itself, and ideas will start to bubble-up on their own. (One of the best lines (imo) in my book is something that just bubbled up the other day. But being of a rather more conscious-mind type generally, I would have scoffed at the very notion in the past.)

And I'm not the sort of person who can be happy with a piece of knowledge until I can put it in context. So I've had a lot of problems running with the ball.

Finally, it can take a long time to even begin to master one's gifts; and doubt can be a useful influence... if kept within useful bounds.

(I'm leaving this rough; if I try to do my usual editing, I'll likely never get around to posting it.)

*: To be frank, mostly I hated my work.

**: Here, to put together like one builds a (preplanned) building; to do mechanically; to use tools to substitute for other deficiencies.

[dawg]

4. A few dawgish observations ...

First up ... you are amazing! Don't you realize how much you have already accomplished? How many people could make it through such a rigorous academic program? Please don't call yourself a "loser" or talk about your "complete and utter lack of ability". It makes real losers like me look even worse by comparison.

Second ... you have an even more powerful thing going for you. You are aware of your weaknesses. Many highly competent people are blind to their shortcomings, and this leads them into failure. Your weak point is the "vision" thing. But that's ok. Once you realize a weakness, you can deal with it.

Maybe it would help if you could cultivate some marine biology buddies - either online or IRL. Somewhere, there is probably a person like you - only their problem is that they are bubbling over with research ideas but they lack the discipline or time to follow up on many of them. You two would be a match made in heaven.

Whatever you do, don't settle for an ordinary life. Follow your dream and do the things you feel passionately about.

:)

[dawg]

5. Oh, and here are somethings I would like to know more about ...

Octopi or octopusses? And does it really matter?
Sponge Bob nearly drowned at the beach one time, and Larry the Lobster had to pull him out. Explain.
Wouldn't Patrick (a starfish) actually be smarter than Sponge Bob (a sponge)?
I saw a review of a video game the other day where you used lit torches on an underwater level. How is this possible?
Shrinkage. Women understand shrinkage, right?
Are manatees really the inspiration for all the mermaid myths? Those guys must've been on the boat a looooooooong time!
Isn't there some kind of fish called dolphin? Was this done just to confuse me?
A good paper could be done on the "science" of the movie "Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus"
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! Sweet, sexy manatee!

But, in all seriousness, I'm pretty fascinated about the intelligence of octopi and other (cephalopods?). I saw something once that indicated they engage in playful activity and are potentially far more intelligent that laypeople would think. I don't know if that's been beaten to death or not, but I would find it interesting.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. I can answer the octopus-plural question:

Since "octopus" is a Greek word and not a Latin one, the plural "octopi" is incorrect. In Greek, the plural would be "octopodes." But since it has been adopted as an English word, the correct plural is "octopuses."

And that's pretty much all I know about marine biology (except what I've learned watching Spongebob Squarepants).

[TheCentepedeShoes]

7. There is a fish called dolphin

I think it's also called mahi-mahi on the menu so folks don't think they are eating Flipper

[alarimer]

13. That I think is true.

Also called dorado sometimes.

[alarimer]

11. Thanks.

Yes, these thoughts usually plague me in the middle of the night. During the day I am usually occupied enough (although mostly with B.S. assignments) that I barely have time to think. I think I was sort of just panicking as much as anything.

[Curmudgeoness]

8. I think most of the world feel the same way you do.

I also picked the wrong job/profession/career. But I keep trying too. Don't give up and don't beat yourself up.

I am not an idea person either (I am so jealous of those people), but I have some suggestions/comments for you to consider.

Why did you want to be a marine biologist? What was it that drew you to this area? If you think about the things that drew you to marine biology, that could help you find a broad focus. Did you have any particular animal that interested you more than others? Why did it interest you?

Where do you live? Is it by the ocean now? Would you have the ability to observe the ocean while just relaxing and contemplating what is there? Spend some time poking around the beaches and let your mind wander.

Are you now reading journals in that field? I often have a million questions when I read articles, and it seems they are never answered in those articles. This could lead to questions that have not been addressed yet.

Whatever happens, good luck.

[alarimer]

12. I forget about reading the journals sometimes.

Most of the time actually. Since I started writing my thesis in 2006 or so, I stuck mainly to the articles that I already had; I haven't really looked at things past that time. I should really do that.

[Curmudgeoness]

14. It was a long time ago when you started.

It seems that you need a good kick in the ass to get you moving. I can't give you the kick in the ass, but how about an ass kicking?

:kick:

What is the thesis subject that you have been working on? Have you decided that this is not what you want to do now? If you need some motivation or ideas (although I am not one of the great idea people), PM me. I only have a BS, but it is a biology degree. And I realize all I know about marine biology is what Rachael Carson wrote and sharks stink and that stink stays with you---after too many disections of sharks. Anyways, sometimes two heads are better than one.

[Moondog]

9. OK, let's assume for the sake of argument that you are absolutely right.

You picked the wrong racket, but you believe you're in too deep, and now what?

Even if you cannot "do science" or, at least, feel that you can't, or maybe you just hate it - you have still have learned some useful skills. And one in particular. You can "speak" science.

Let me ask you a question. What is it that no one, and I mean no one, who is "doing science" can do without?

Answer - money.

And where does a huge part of the money that goes to people who "do science" come from? Here's a hint - it's a one word answer.

Grants.

Writing grant applications is a seriously underrated skill set. And not just anyone can do it. You have to know enough about the science to be able to write the thing. But some one else tells you in advance what they want to be able to do. What the grant-writer brings to the table is making it their business to know (a) where there is grant money to be had, and (b) how to write a successful grant application. And speaking as someone who used to, as an additional duty mind you, sit on top of a huge pile of federal grant money to give away annually that was there just for the (skillful) asking, I can tell you that most scientists can't write grant applications to save their lives. It was pathetic just how bad they were. They got the money because there was no competition that took the trouble to write up a better application.

My point is that there is opportunity here, for the right person. Perhaps you are that person. Chin up, better times are ahead. Start thinking outside of the proverbial box. Good luck.

[RedCloud]

10. Psst. get hold of an article in your field. Don't read it. Read the citations.

Then see if you can draw the same conclusions from the article you still have not read by comparing your conclusions to it after you now read it.

Also try to get into lateral thinking.

Marine biology? What was life in the seas like when the earth was an ice ball? Role of sulfur in our bodies versus forms closer to original marine life?

Stop doubting. Start saying things back wards. Take a foreign language to break up your world view. Watch foreign flicks that are real head scratchers.

[Nikia]

15. Are you in academia, do you work for a private company, or the government

Usually a government agency or private company will tell you what to study and have a goal already in mind. I don't know how many of these type of jobs are avaliable in marine biology, but it might be a good idea if you need more guidance.

[alarimer]

16. I work for the state as a technician.

So writing papers and such is really outside my job description. (I suppose with a Master's degree I am somewhat overqualified for my current position but the job market is terrible right now and we actually have a hiring freeze in place).

My bosses have told me that although they can't assign me anything they do encourage me to do so.

I actually do have an idea now but I am not sure how possible it is.