COLUMBUS, OH—In an alarming trend that some are calling a failure of U.S. drug prevention policies, daily marijuana use increased nearly threefold this month among 26-year-old Gary.
Researchers at the Department of Health and Human Services are attributing the spike in cannabis consumption to a number of troubling factors, including Gary- related underemployment, decreased motivation, and prolonged exposure to Josh.
"This is very distressing, to say the least," said HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, who blamed the increase on a lack of programs designed to educate Gary about the dangers of marijuana. "As a nation, it is vital that we learn how to talk to Gary about drugs—and how to listen to what he's trying to tell us."
"We've failed to recognize warning signs such as boredom and a growing need to just chill out," Sebelius added. "But we intend to use every resource at our disposal to meet our goal of cutting marijuana use among Gary by half over the next 10 years."
http://www.theonion.com/articles/marijuana-use-triples-among-gary,17028/
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