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My uncle's father drank too much and died in his early forties. His mother had to go to work to take care of him and the five children from his first wife who died in childbirth. Let's just say, she did her part for him and his siblings.
As the years went by, he moved to the city and moved up high in the corporate world, but was another drinker along with his wife. His widowed mother, and my step-grandmother eventually retired from her work, lived in a small town, had her church and friends around her there. She was happy, healthy and well taken care of there in her little house.
For reasons unknown to the rest of the family, but most likely for money, he and his wife cajoled her into giving up her home and friends and moving into town to live with his wife and adopted son. He took complete control of her finances, selling her home and furnishings. She was a very easy going and forgiving kind of person. But they made her life a living hell, picking at her.
These were two people who I later learned from their adopted son, who loathed them, were emotionally crippled. He'd come home from school and find both parents passed out drunk on the floor of the house. For some reason, my father kept me away from them and I didn't understand until I talked to their son. I'd met him accidentally on a job site, that was how far my father kept us from getting to know his youngest brother.
Anyway, things got unbearable for this poor woman, who was now without her home or community or control of her social security check, even. He said she had to move into a nursing home, although she had no personal health problems. My parents having passed on early in my life, his older sister and her husband moved into my father's large home with extra bedrooms. We begged him to let her move in with us, and she was all for it. But he had total control and said no. Why, I don't know.
At least he let her be put into a home near our house. We went and visited her every week, but he didn't. There was no recourse, the laws weren't as responsive then. She cried every weekend when we left and died of a broken heart long before her time.
Now, this is where this story gets interesting, and you might want to take this part into consideration for the future as relates to this man and what he did. I don't blame you shunning him now, but...
A few years passed and the man's wife needed heart surgery and was very ill. She contracted us as by that time, unfortunately, their adopted son would have nothing to do with them. And what happened to him, well. He had a bad stroke and could no longer walk or speak, and she couldn't have the surgery because there was no help. He'd made a huge amount of money but I guess they wasted it over the years. So it was just her.
We went over to see him a couple of times before he died. He cried like a baby, unable to talk to anyone. Just tears, all the time. What was going through his mind? What he'd done to his own mother, who'd never hurt him, but he had robbed her and gave her an early death, heartbroken?
We'll never know. This may be how your uncle's life ends. You and your family will know what to do then. He doesn't need your help now, I'm guessing, or you would give it to him. When the day comes that he faces what he did, consider what his mother said.
Not trying to guilt you out, but this isn't over by a long shot. What he did will come back to haunt him, I suspect.
I'm sorry about the desolation he caused. I've seen it, too.
I don't feel that you need to make amends, though. These are the natural consequences of breaking a relationship, not your fault for the way you feel. Not your fault, so why amends from you?
You may change your mind when he sees he needs to make amends or becomes helpless, like she was. It may be that he will have to learn the hard way. Whatever works for healing.
Hope that helps.
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