I was at church one time with my sister and her then boyfriend. He was making fun of our

[applegrove]

presbyterian church because he was an anglican. They passed the little tray of glasses of wine and the tray of bread cubes and he said "Oh! Cocktails, hors d'oeuvre, how nice!!!". We just about killed ourselves laughing inappropriately.

Anyone else have any hilarious inappropriate stories?

[provis99]

1. an Anglican made fun of another church?

Heck the one time I went to an Anglican church, it scared the living shit out of me. The priest was dressed in weird linen robes, smiling a broad, fake smile, everybody behind the altar was also dressed in weird robes, they went around the aisles chanting strange incantations, clapping, and holding up Holy Relics. I felt like I was at a'49ers pep rally.

[hobbit709]

2. When viewed from the outside, ALL religions appear equally silly.

[applegrove]

3. None of us were religious. We were there to please our grandmothers I'm sure.

[nolabear]

4. Okay...in my jaded youth in New Orleans I lived downstairs from some guys who did some serious drugs

They were entitled sons of local politicos so thought rules didn't apply to them, just kind of obnoxious snots. At the time, in the bigger Catholic churches masses were still done in Latin. One of the (non Catholic) guys decided one Sunday to drop a little acid and accompany his friend to mass. All of a sudden it kicked in, and he thought he had forgotten how to understand English. He stood up in a panic, screaming "Oh my God! I can't understand what he's saying! Does anybody know what he's saying?!" Naturally, he was escorted out and somehow made it home to some humiliation when his friend regaled us with the story every time we saw them.

[Dystopian]

6. I'm in tears!

:rofl:
As a Recovering Catholic...remember well the Latin mass.

omg...
Forgot how to understand English...
:rofl:

If ever I needed a laugh...it was in this moment!:hug:

Escorted out....
I did acid one time. Thankfully, I was not in church.

peace~

[nolabear]

14. My pleasure. I always wondered how that boy turned out.

And it still makes me laugh too!

[applegrove]

8. very funny.

[Rowdyboy]

9. That story is far too absurd not to be true.....

I can almost hear his shreiks....

[Odin2005]

13. OMG, I'm dying of laughter, here!

:rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

19. Oh, that is funny!

Yes indeed. :rofl:

[PassingFair]

5. My niece begged us to come to her first communion.

My children had never had to sit through
a church service before...all that talk
about blood of the lamb, blood that was
shed for thee, body of christ...my kid's
heads were spinning.

When it came time to go up for communion,
my brother in law asked my oldest daughter
if she wanted to take it, and she told him
"No thank you, I'm a vegetarian".

[nolabear]

15. ROTFL!! I may have to steal that!

Brilliant.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

22. Vegetarian? That's heathen!

She should eat the body of Christ, become a godfearing cannibal like the rest of us!

(good story. I hated communion. It made the service go sooooooooooooo sloooooooowwwwwwww.)

:hi:

[NewJeffCT]

24. that's cute

what did your brother-in-law say?

[PassingFair]

25. He didn't seem to think it was funny (in the church)...

but I heard him at the luncheon afterwards
laughing about it, so I guess he was OK with it....

His daughter BEGGED him to ask us to the 1st communion,
even though she knew we were atheists, so we went, for
her...she's a little drama queen, and I mean that in the
best way...she's always on the stage and LOVES to dress
up and put on a show.

[Pool Hall Ace]

27. I love it!

:rofl:

And your kids are so lucky to have had minimal exposure to church services!

[LiberalAndProud]

7. This could turn into the funniest thread ever!

It feels so good to laugh.

[murielm99]

10. When my brother and I were kids, there was an older

man sitting in front of us in church. He kept nodding off. His wife didn't do anything until the man started to snore loudly. She jabbed her husband in the ribs. He woke up, choked back a snore, stood up, and folded his hands.

When he noticed that no one else had stood to pray, he looked around in confusion and sat down again.

My brother and I had a hard time concealing our laughter. I was snorting so loudly that I am sure everyone heard me.

That was one of the few times we did not get in trouble for acting up in church. Our mother saw it, and she was laughing at the man, too.

[murielm99]

11. I have an even better story than the snoring man.

My middle brother and I have a much younger brother. He is ten years younger than me, and seven years younger than my middle brother.

He was a spoiled little brat. He got away with murder in church, while we did not.

When he was about three years old, he decided that "bellybutton" was the most hilarious word in the English language. He was equally amused by that little indentation on his tummy. He would flash his navel at us, and say, "bellybutton" in a deep voice. When he did this at home, we would push him away and tell him to cut it out.

One day, he decided to flash everyone sitting near us in church. My mother was becoming increasingly embarrassed. My middle brother and I were trying not to laugh.

Finally, my mother pinched him. He said, very loudly, "Ow, Mom! Don't pinch me!"

I guffawed. My mother gave my middle brother and me a dirty look, letting us know that we would be in trouble later. She yanked our little brother out of the sanctuary.

We sat there by ourselves, chortling and sniggering, with tears running down our faces and snot running from our noses.

I think we giggled all the way through the Doxology and the last amen.

[Iggo]

12. My cousin and I were asked to leave my uncle's (his dad's) funeral service...

...for cracking on everything my uncle would've cracked on if he was alive.

A few minutes later we were invited back in. Quite a few people spoke up for us.

It was a regular giggle-fest after that.

[csziggy]

29. Was your uncle Chuckles the Clown?

http://youtu.be/YmBK5GslDaQ

Sorry, but your post reminded me of that episode.

[nolabear]

16. When I was about two, my mother told me, there was a while when she couldn't take me to church

because I had fixated on playing...loudly...peekaboo with the large portrait of Jesus behind the pulpit. I kept hiding my eyes and yelling "PEEP-EYE JESUS!" (that's what we called it) at the top of my lungs.

I kind of like the idea of a deity that plays peep-eye.

[Pool Hall Ace]

28. When I was a kid, I was frightened of portraits of Jesus

I admire your attempts to engage him in peep-eye. :D

[Shagbark Hickory]

17. Just one. And I don't care to repeat it.

[Arugula Latte]

18. Years ago my husband and I were at a Catholic wedding ceremony

We are both atheists, although my husband was forced to attend church as a child (he hated it from the get-go and at a very early age thought it was all a load of bull pucky). Anyway, we were looking at the program and he pointed to the part that said "Homily" and leaned over and whispered to me: "So we're going to be served some corn meal?" ... For some reason that struck us both as hilarious and we couldn't look at each other for the rest of the service for fear of bursting out laughing.

[LibertyLover]

20. Years ago I went to one of my cousins' weddings

It was quite possibly the longest wedding and mass in recent Roman Catholic history. My cousin Patty was young and so was her groom and they had written their own vows and as much of the ceremony as they could. The mass was a con-celebrated extravaganza with her parish priest, an old friend of the family's who was a priest and the groom's older brother who was a priest. To make things worse, it was held on one of the hottest days of the summer in a huge old barn of a church on Long Island that was filled to capacity with wedding guests and minimal air conditioning. Every time you thought that they were going to get to communion and the last blessing, some other stupid thing, like lighting the unity candle or reading a special poem or someone singing a song took place. But as with most things, the ceremony finally crept its way, whimpering, to the finish. For those of you who are not RC, not recovering RC or raised RC, at the end of the mass the celebrant concludes by saying something along the lines of 'The mass is ended, go in peace.' But when the main celebrant for Patty's wedding got to that part, what he actually said was: "This mass and this marriage are ended. Go with God." My mother and I looked at each other and broke up laughing.

[NewJeffCT]

21. Before I got married to my ex-wife

she and I had gone to some sort of family get together with my mom's family - so, it was a lot of old Italian women, who were all very dutiful Catholic women who went to Church every Sunday morning in a nice Sunday dress.

My ex and I had gone to see "Saving Private Ryan" the night before... so, she was telling the story about how the movie upset her so much and gave her nightmares that I had my leg blown off - they were so bad, that she woke up & reached across the bed to make sure I still had my legs.

Oops, not a good idea to tell old religious/Catholic Italian women that you were sleeping in the same bed as a man before you were married. Needless to say, I got an earful from my mom the next day. (My mom didn't really care that we slept together, though my parents never really liked my ex that much.)

(Oddly, my ex was a non-practicing Catholic because her mom was Irish-Catholic, but her mom could care less that we slept together. Her Jewish dad was the opposite, though, so we had to be careful around him)

[Rambis]

23. Damn fish eaters! (Catholic church christening)

My father yells as his hearing aid was off as the entire place goes silent.

[Arugula Latte]

26. ...

:spray: :rofl: