Limericks...I'll start, please add your own....There once was a girl from Nantucket...

[masmdu]

There once was a girl from Nantucket
A soft flower grew from her bucket
So prized was her rose
that bloomed near waist high from her toes
That she defended it from all men who would pluck it.

[yankeepants]

1. There once was a lady from Brewster

Who dreamed that a knight had seduced her
She woke up to find
It was all in her mind
And that a spring in the mattress had goosed her!

[bluesbassman]

2. There once was a man from Beirut,

Who had seven warts on his root.
He poured acid an these,
And now when he pees,
He plays the damn thing like a flute!

[av8rdave]

3. There once was a man from St Brittle

Who told the Doctor his unit was little
The treatment, I guess
Was a smashing success
'Cause he now needs a bell tower to piddle

[A HERETIC I AM]

4. There once was a man from Van Nuys'es

Who had balls of two different sizes.
One was quite small
Hardly a ball at all
The other was big and won prizes.

[Demoiselle]

19. Here's a pretty dirty one.

No dirty words, though, just anatomically correct ones.

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used dynamite as a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
Her anus, in Buckingham Palace.

[BlueJazz]

5. My addition

There once was a Lady, quite Bright
Who could travel much faster than Light
She set out one day, in a relative way
And came back the previous Night

[pokerfan]

6. A rare old bird is the pelican

His bill holds more than his belly can
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
I’m damned if I know how the hell he can

(as heard on an old Columbo episode)

[Rochester]

7. There once was a girl from South Pass...

who had a remarkable ass.
Not rounded and pink, as you probably think.
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

[trackfan]

8. There was a food faddist named Keenes

whose diet was carrots and beans.
At night, on the prowl,
he could see like an owl,
but he farted all day in his jeans.

http://martinigod.com/blog.htm

[Demoiselle]

20. ....Speaking of which...

(And this one gives you two bonus lines as well...)

There was an old man from Jakarta,
Who proved a remarkable farter.
He could fart anything
From God Save the King
To Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.
.....
A requiem mass would shoot from his ass
And he'd encore with La Traviata.

[MilesColtrane]

9. In the marshlands of north Minnesota

Lives a naturalist with a quota:
If he ain't dipped his member
Twelve times by December
He recoups with the local biota.

[Richardo]

10. Well you should see Polythene Pam

She's so good looking but she looks like a man
Well you should see her in drag
Dressed in her Polythene bag
Yes you should see Polythene Pam

Yeah yeah yeah

Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she dressed to the hilt
She's the kind a girl
That makes the News of the World
Yes you could say she was attractively built.

Yeah yeah yeah.





(It occurred to me just the other day that Polythene Pam was in limerick form. I'm slow, I know)

[pokerfan]

11. not to mention topical

Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt
She's killer-diller when she dressed to the hilt
She's the kind a girl
That makes the News of the World
Yes you could say she was attractively built.

http://l.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/9HCgcUpDdW.z_amVNFtnGA--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Zmk9aW5zZXQ7aD0zMjA7cT04NTt3PTUxMg--/

[Richardo]

12. That's precisely why it came to mind

:D

[RedCloud]

13. George Bernard Shaw

Langford Reed saved the limerick verse,
From being taken away in a hearse.
He made it so clean
Now it's fit for a queen,
Re-established for better or worse.

[LynneSin]

14. There was a man from Ghent

Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

[LynneSin]

15. There once was a man from Madrass

Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass!

[MilesColtrane]

16. A rather strange guy down in Delaware

Liked to have someone stick an umbrella where
You and I couldn't stand it --
He'd just howl and demand it
Right up his... Oh, surely you're well aware.

[gratuitous]

17. Courtesy of Isaac Asimov

What, you didn't know he was an accomplished limerick writer, too?

A lady from North Carolina
Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina
With proper-sized cocks
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor

[Demoiselle]

18. Ogden Nash wrote this one:

There was an old man in Calcutta,
Who coated his tonsils with buttah,
And converted his snore
From a horrible roar
To a soft, oleaginous muttah.

I love Ogden Nash.
He's witty, plus he makes you use the dictionary.

[SCantiGOP]

28. not a limerick,

but Ogden Nash: Big fleas have little fleas that ride on them and bite 'em.
And little fleas have littler fleas, and so on, ad infinitum.

[stlsaxman]

21. from the archives one i wrote- "There once was a man named Al Gore"

There once was a man named Al Gore
who chose not to run in '04
it still ain't too late
for a run in '08
but he probably won't so we're fucked.

[BNJMN]

22. n/t

[BNJMN]

23. The limerick packs laughs anatomical

In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

24. lol. welcome to DU

:)

[BNJMN]

29. Thanks

[RedCloud]

25. There once was a lady from Venus

There once was a lady from Venus
Who searched our planet for a penis
She fell in a lake
and grabbed a big snake
and she fancied herself a genius.

[Auggie]

26. The bustard's an exquisite fowl...

With minimal reason to growl:
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy
By grace of a fortunate vowel.

--------------------------------

I remembered reading this in Time from 1978(!) This was the first prize winner (a mere $50) of Connecticut's Mohegan Community College limerick contest. Isaac Asimov was the judge. "Alas, not very lecherous," Asimov said, but he was still "delighted" with the one word fourth line, "Illegitimacy." As am I.

The complete Time article is here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,916139,00.html#ixzz1SYs8iy54

[LeftOfSelf-Centered]

27. There once was a man from Brazil...

There once was a man from Brazil
Who swallowed a dynamite pill
His heart retired
His ass backfired
And his willie shot over a hill

-------------------

There once was a fisher named Fisher
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure
A fish with a grin
Pulled the fisherman in
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher

[Crabby Appleton]

30. A sperm faced alack and forsooth

His moment of intimate truth
He'd expected to fall
On a womb's spongy wall
But was dashed to his death on a tooth

[Xithras]

31. There was a young man named MacNair

Who made love to his wife on the stair.
The bannister broke...
...without missing a stroke
He finished her off in mid-air.


Yeah, most of the limericks I know are dirty.


Said a lady at the end of her girlhood,
The first time she saw a man nude,
"I’m glad I’m the sex
That’s concave not convex
For I don’t fancy things that protrude."

[ashling]

32. Ther once was a man from Nantucket

Who kept lots of words in a bucket
So to find - just in time
For his Limerick a rhyme
But he ended up saying' Oh FUCKIT!