Had a couple of scrawny bible-thumping types come knocking on my door today

[MrScorpio]

I was an inch away from asking them if they saw the "No solicitor" sign at the entrance of the complex.

I'm sure that they didn't. If "no" was going to be the answer to my hypothetical question, I would have suggested that they get the prescription on their Coke bottle bottoms checked.

Anyway, when they asked me if I was interested in going to Toledo, OH (?!?!?). I said no, I wasn't interested.

When a six foot tall, 240 pound, scowling black man says that he's not interested in going to Toledo, OH, the freaking conversation is over.

BTW, there's another Black neighbor, who's even taller, on the other side of the townhouse.

I hope that he was at home too.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Why did they want to know if you were interested in going to Toledo?

Is that where Jesus lives these days? If so, do you have to go there to get saved? I thought he made house calls...

[MrScorpio]

2. It was for some convocation of bible thumpers

He had a flier that he called a "personal invitation" that he wanted to give to me.

I refused to open my screen door… that would have taken too much of an effort.

I figure that he realized that I didn't want to play with him, or his other bible thumping friends in Toledo either.

[A HERETIC I AM]

4. When I lived in Palmdale, Ca, those tpyes were a regular thing on the weekends.

So I decided to play with one 3-some that stopped by.

I told them I was Atheist and that I wasn't interested in what they were selling, emphasizing "SELLING".

One of the women asked my why I held the point of view I did now (I make it a point of telling these types that I was raised Episcopalian) and after the usual stuff, I asked her if she felt that the entire book she had in her hand was the actual word of God.

"Do you believe that every single word in there is divinely inspired?"
"Yes"
"And your god is a loving god, correct?"
"Yes"

I ask if I can see it and then turn to Psalm 137 - 9

"Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."

So much for your loving god.

They left.

[rurallib]

3. !!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[OhioBlue]

5. I'm always polite to them. I feel it's good karma

It's hard to knock on doors - I did in a rural town for Dems and it is quite intimidating... but I was taking action for something that I believe in, and exercising my right of free speech to do it. I figure the religious knockers are doing the same thing.

Also - I'm not sure about this... but I think "no solicitation" signs usually mean no door-to-door sales... We were told when we made political phone calls and knocked on doors that it was a free speech issue and the signs or phone blocks didn't apply if we were simply asking questions or sharing information. that's probably what the religious door knockers are told too. Some of us still avoided houses with those signs.. some didn't...

[MrScorpio]

6. You just want me to come down to Ohio

I'm hip to your game.

[OhioBlue]

8. lol... Toledo is where it is at baby!! j/k :)

[snooper2]

23. you didn't just say that did you

:rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

11. This sign is a little more explicit:

[OhioBlue]

15. true! lol

[Islandlife]

18. You really need to patent that

Or sell on eBay. I love it.

Seriously, patent it!!!

[Arugula Latte]

21. Oh, I didn't come up with it.

It's been floating around on the Internet for years. If you Google "no bible thumpers" in Images, you will get plenty of versions of these signs to choose from.

[Islandlife]

22. still can't get over it

I've never seen it before. It's the funniest thing.

[riderinthestorm]

7. True story, I'm at my FIL's house in upstate NY visiting for Thanksgiving. His Xmas decs are up

lights on trees, a nativity scene, Santa and his sleigh on the roof, a placard with "The Lord is the master of this house" on his front door... my FIL really went all out for the holidays.

So the usual proselytizing pair rings the bell and I answer. As soon as they begin their spiel I tell them we're Jewish.

Shit, they peeled off the porch so fast you'd think I had a shotgun. They didn't say another word. Just turned and left. I was dumbfounded, was that all it took? The house is obviously "Christian", celebrating Christmas. But I uttered the "J" word and they fled. Now personally I'm an atheist but I know that tack doesn't necessarily work with these folks so I was trying a new version and it worked!!

I'm really hoping some others will show up at my place here in IL. I'm itching to try it again. Unfortunately I'm rural and they never come here but if they do, I'm ready!

[RebelOne]

13. You could also tell them you are a Buddhist.

That works also.

[HopeHoops]

9. "You want to talk to me about Jesus? Fine, but first let me say a few words about Satan."

Generally I just let the dogs scare them into soiling their uncomfortable clothes.

[Xithras]

10. Sadly, that doesn't work

Way back when I was a wee lad of 18, I had a couple of biblethumpers come to my door. I was quite friendly, but explained to them that I had been raised as a devoted follower of His Holiness, the Dark Lord Asmodeus, one of the Seven Princes of Hell and the Lord of Lust. I'd just finished reading a short story about a guy fighting the seven princes of hell, and lust seemed to be the most fun of the princes ;) One of the guys looked at me and said "You shouldn't even joke about that, it's not funny!", so I shrugged my shoulders, told him I wasn't joking, and invited him in to read the Satanic Bible with me. They quickly left, and my roomate and I had a good laugh about it.

For a day or two anyway.

Apparently the two door to door missionaries informed their church about our conversation, and members of that church made it their mission to "save" us from our evil ways. Every week for MONTHS we'd get knocks on our door from them. They'd be there Sunday morning inviting us to church with them, Saturday afternoon asking to discuss our "broken relationship with Christ", and at random times during the week just for the hell of it. When I told one of them that I had been joking, the guy responded "You know way too much about Satanism to be joking."

They eventually gave up, but they taught me an important lesson...psycho fundies like a challenge. Don't give them one.

[HopeHoops]

14. My wife got the best reaction ever. The biblethumper asked "Do you have a bible?" She replied...

"of course, which version?" There was just a long stunned silence. It must have been the first time this particular biblethumper had ever been accosted with the notion that there might be more than one version. I can't even count how many versions we have off of the top of my head.

[saras]

19. It works fine, but you HAVE to act crazier than them

I have a friend who, with a group of friends, has written an entire parody scripture. When they sit evangelists down with this stuff they DO NOT COME BACK. Nor do they send anyone else back, except maybe the police.

The problem with Satanism is that it's like supporting a losing football team - you're still playing football, and they think they can win. But they won't play football against psycho killers with machetes. Or raving loonies with a house full of Tesla coils.

Discordian scriptures also work. "No, you don't understand. We HAVE to joke about this, it is REQUIRED by my religion, just like the ritual of eating a mixed-meat hot dog on Friday so as to offer equal-opportunity offense to other religions."

[Lucian]

20. Um, that's harassment by them.

I wouldn't have put up with that.

[joneschick]

12. feel free to try this one...

I would be happy to have my pastor and her wife pray for you. Wait just a few heartbeats...and poof! they're gone. :hi:

[nolabear]

16. Gee, they always ask me if I want to go to heaven.

Has it moved?

[applegrove]

17. I had two people at my door this morning trying to sell something religious. I just

told them they had woken me up and they let me go. I don't know why I didn't just say I wasn't interested in religious talk rather than going with an excuse. I'm a creampuff.

[pitohui]

24. it's just being polite

i never answer the door, well, i don't open it, i peep out the window glass and say i can't answer the door because "we're not dressed right now"

that sends them on their way w/out confrontation

wit is wasted on the religious, for that matter, honesty and frankness is 90 percent of the time wasted on the religious

i see nothing wrong w. being polite and "creampuff"

[LanternWaste]

25. I wish the same thing on political canvassers, surveyors, and girl scouts too.

I wish the same thing on political canvassers, surveyors, and girl scouts too. They never respect our privacy... :sarcasm:

[Ikonoklast]

26. Don't fall for the 'religion' thing, they were actually trying to get you

to take them to Tony Packo's for some chili-cheesedogs and then ditch you and stick you with the bill.