I can't get TSA agents to touch my junk, what's the problem?!1 n/t

[UTUSN]

[Cannikin]

1. I'm supposed to travel at the end of the month.

I'm debating with myself about how much torment I can legally get away with at security.

[LynneSin]

2. I was told to take training and I could go to any location available in the USA

I picked NYC just so I could skip taking a plane

[RedCloud]

3. Just tell 'em you're packing! They'll be examining the right stuff soon enough.

[MrsBrady]

4. if you look hot, it shouldn't be a problem n/t

[UTUSN]

11. Actually, you've nailed it!1 The past 2 yrs I flew abt 6 times, so I'm a newbie,

so in a couple of big hubs, my line would jerk to a stop occasionally. When I could see why, it was for "randomly" selected pat downs. So the dude in front of me, let's say BEAT me in every category: Age, height, fitness -- get the picture?!1

So, the TSA brought the line to a stop while he made sure that WMD were not paper-thin over any part of the dude's body. So it looked like the exam was over and the dude started tentatively to proceed through. But the TSA stopped him, saying, "Hold on, let me get your back..." and had a little smile of SATISFACTION on his face. To be plain, it looked like he was self-indulging.

So finally it was my turn to step up, and I started to halfway lift my arms. The TSA said, "That's all right. Go on through!1" with a little ewww look on his face.

I really think that some TSAs recompense themselves with the power to get a touchy feel.

[Gormy Cuss]

5. First step: buy a ticket.. Second step: wrap your junk in tinfoil.

Third step: linger for a few seconds in the magnetometer.

Works every time for me.

[nolabear]

7. Fifth step: Do NOT mistake a microwave for the magnometer.

Your foil wrapped junk will go up in FLAMES. :nuke:

[Gormy Cuss]

10. But it will be all sparkly like fireworks for a few seconds! n/t

[davsand]

6. Might be that Inadvertent Erection. Just sayin... n/t

[Bladian]

8. Touch them first.

Simple enough.

[Brigid]

9. No, that gets you arrested.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2015417/Colorado-woman-Yukari-Mihamae-61-gropes-TSA-agent-Phoenix-Arizona.html

[Bladian]

12. Bah. Laws. n/t

[kimi]

13. I travel frequently

In fact, I'm sitting in Phoenix SkyHarbor Airport right now on my way to Santa Barbara from Kansas City Int'l this AM, with stopovers in Salt Lake City and LAX (yeah, I know, crazy connections). I have never been patted down but once in Barcelona, when a silver bracelet I wore set off the metal doo-hickey thing and a very attractive Spanish TSA-equivalent lady patted me down. Only time EVAH. Never even been through the all-body x-ray whatchamacallit, I'm always waved to the side through the regular metal-detector thing.

However, some interesting suggestions here in this thread. Hmmmm . . .

[freshwest]

14. Uh, your pheromones must be on the fritz.

[UTUSN]

17. I had to look it up but Google/Wiki say different kinds of p., some can be ALARMING!1 n/t

[freshwest]

18. See an endocrinologist and get fixed up. I'll bet the TSA people will find you irresistible.

[pitohui]

15. you got me, i'm pretty old and they're still pretty frisky with me

i look pretty easy-going and i think sometimes they're thinking, oh cheeze i gotta do so many patdowns etc. per hour, that one looks like she has a sense of humor

with a user name like utusn, i don't know what the "ut" would be, but i just picture some big scary navy guy with lots of muscles, while i'm sure your "junk" is very attractive, it may also be a little bit intimidating to someone who just wants to go thru the motions at work without encountering too much blowback

patdown the big navy dude or pat down the 50 year old, what's less scary?

[UTUSN]

16. See post #11, I suspect SOME of them pat young, fit, good lookers. n/t

[saras]

19. Try wearing something with leftist politics printed on it...

[Kaleva]

20. Hide a .45 cal. pistol in your arse. You'll get the treatment.

[madinmaryland]

21. Inadvertent erections. nt.

[Grantuspeace]

22. Don't be easy, make them buy you diner first.

:)

[Ikonoklast]

23. It's the "I shower once a year whether I need it or not!" thingy.

And since that only happens on Christmas Day, uh...

[DFW]

24. Maybe this will help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3LNxvG1qQM

(the Talkin' TSA Blues)