Misunderstanding someone

[Tobin S.]

I have done that many times in my life. I'm not talking about just an incident or an argument. I'm talking about totally missing out on who someone really is and what they are all about.

I actually did that for about ten solid years with everyone I met while trying to sort out mental health problems. I guess that's excusable, but it still made me feel like an ass when I started to get better. I learned from that and for that reason I'm usually very open minded about other people's ideas and I don't dismiss anyone's thoughts before giving them a good listening to and making sure I really understand.

You will find outsiders in life. People who are ostracized for being different and nobody ever really gives them the time of day let alone think that they might have some credibility. One example from that from my time out on the road is the way gay people are treated by many of my trucking brethren. If they know or suspect that a person might be gay, that person is automatically deemed unworthy of time and consideration and may, in fact, be threatened.

But that's an extreme example. There can be many, more subtle reasons why a person may be misunderstood and shunned. I've engaged in one of them recently and it makes me ashamed to admit it to myself. I thought I was more open minded than that. Just because I had misunderstood someone I had dismissed the idea that he might actually be trying to say something important and I thought of him as crazy or fake.

I thought I was beyond doing something like that, but I did it, and now I feel like an ass again. So, take the time of day for someone, and if you don't understand, ask for an explanation. That outsider may turn out to be a good friend. I'll try to follow my own advice.

[auntAgonist]

1. Very good advice Tobin. We should all heed it. n/t

[A-Schwarzenegger]

2. "Error: You can't recommend threads from this forum"

Thanks, Tobin. Well said.

[rbnyc]

3. Nice.

I find myself on both ends of that. Thanks for your post.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. yep.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. You are wise beyond your years, my dear Tobin...

Thank you for this...

:hug:

[ncrainbowgrrl]

6. "Error: You can't recommend threads from this forum"

I tried too. :thumbsup:

[elleng]

7. Did it for years, but kind of 'backward,' I guess.

Thought/assumed 'husb' was basically normal, well-intentioned, only occasionally duplicitous. Learned more recently he's a sociopath, deliberately keeping me under his thumb, misleading our children and others. Thanks for chance to vent, Tobin!