My family was devastated recently - Democratic Underground

Nuclear Unicorn

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Wed Jul-27-11 02:01 PM
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My family was devastated recently

I haven't posted here since early March.

My husband and I were having a weekend together when we got word my MIL went into the hospital. She had been walking down the stairs in the morning when she broke her ankle and fell down the stairs. She had always been the picture of health so breaking an ankle walking downstairs got the doctors asking questions. When they examined her they found she had chondrosarcoma; cancer of the cartilage producing cells.

The doctors fought for her. She fought, but in the end the cancer just raced up to her pelvis, into her spine and through her body. She was in pain starting the second week but she always had a smile and blessing for anyone who walked in the room. By the end of the first month it was attacking her major organs.

I watched this beautiful, vibrant woman be reduced. Yet, she never lost her smile or her hope.

By the 6th week the doctor told her family to settle her affairs. She knew it before they told her. She was moved home. I took a leave of absence to help my FIL around their house.

One day, when the house was empty she called me to her room and had me sit on the bed next to her. She said it would soon be time for her to go and I burst into tears. She was the one dying but all she thought of was comforting me. She told me how much she loved me and how glad she was I had become part of the family. She told me something that still echoes in my soul.

"You brought my boy home." She said she trusted me to love him forever.

I just laid gently next to her as we laughed and cried together.

Two days later she passed. My husband, the tough, roughneck, war vet who would never allow anything get the better of him, sobbed in my arms the night she died. I cried with/for him. I'm humbled to have been a comfort for such a strong, good man.

At her funeral there were literally hundreds of people. She had touched many lives. Christians aren't very dour at funerals and I suppose it makes a certain sort of sense in their worldview. Everyone was laughing recalling her days with them. I floated from table to table as people shared their stories about her with me. They way they talked about her it was if she was waiting in the next room for dessert to be served or something. Sometimes the tenor of the stories were more serious. She had feuded with a church elder once but everyone agreed it was for the best (sorry, I too weak on church-talk to understand and relate the nuances). She had even helped get a cousin into rehab and he was now nearly 20 years sober. It made me wonder if I could ever hope to do so much good for so many.

Towards the end of the funeral my FIL called me over and showed me a photo album of them when they were first young and together.

OMG! She was totally a hippy chick like me! She was in these old, barely-colored photos smiling as she lifted her face with her eyes closed. The flowing dress, the blouse; it was like we shared the same closet. She was always tall and well built but in these photos she was a sun goddess, she was so stunning. He then smiled wistfully as he hinted at all the "good times" they had together when they were younger. They enjoyed their fun too.

He wanted to share that with me and show how much I and my MIL really did have in common despite our rough beginnings. My FIL told me how much I reminded him of her and he kissed my cheek. We hugged for the longest time.

She and I had nothing in common politically but I don't know if I even care about politics anymore. She was a loving, caring soul who changed more lives for the better than any politician ever could. She was strong. She was the unbendable matriarch of her family and none dared cross her but her every action was done with compassion and humor.

I love her and I miss her dearly. I only wish my words could do her better justice.