Increasingly, it seems like some people are "taking the piss" at my expense.

[Chan790]

I write and I'm pretty okay at it. Always made a supplement to my income freelancing cultural articles and reviews but never did it F/T...but now that I'm job searching, I figure "why not?" A'ight. (Note: I've adopted the chav-English and upper-gentry Brit-speak later in this post for my own amusement at the annoyance of this all...I do speak like a normal person and write perfectly coherently.) So I start sending out queries and replying to writing ads on Craigslist (Note: Despite some initial hesitance on the part of many people, this is actually a fairly good place to find freelance online writing gigs especially if you're in or near DC, NYC or LA. Probably Chicago too, though I've never looked.)

Anyways, I've got a strong established portfolio and a few areas of expertise in cultural magazine journalism. I've gotten 5 nibbles in the past day and they all go something like this:

Dear good sir, we at "comically-tiny-circulation web-magazine" would love for you to write for us. In fact, we would like you to serve as Divine Managing Editor of Cultural Ephemera and World's Best Lover in our DC bureau. This position would offer you the ability to write on whatever subject you choose within the area of culture and to vastly expand the prestige and depth of your portfolio. In addition, you would have full use of our offices (if we ever get any) and executive washroom (only during normal business hours when our moms are not home so they don't know we're letting strangers use the bathroom) here in Des Moines. This position is, at this time, unpaid...but we are certain that with your contributions we will be able to become a great web-publication and be able to pay you some day. Sincerely, some dilettante schmucks playing at starting a web-magazine.

I feel that this kind of offense requires a reply. Is this too harsh?

Dear dilettante schmucks, I fear I must say "No, thank you...the offered ability to broaden my writing portfolio and a fancy title at your small-circulation web-magazine are not reasonable substitutions for paid compensation. It's always lovely to be desired but if I wanted to have my arse licked and be called "pretty", you're not my first choice of partners. I do daresay I do believe you gentlemen here are taking the piss; nobody sane or talented works for free.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. I would turn them down graciously -- don't think that now is a good time

to burn any bridges. But, thats just me. :shrug:

good luck. its a jungle out there :)

[Chan790]

3. Yes, but these aren't bridges.

They're more like people offering to let you wade at their ford...but they want to put up a "Chan790 waded the river here" sign so they can get rich off my talent...I've seen their work, they have no talent.

I'm not gracious to people who waste my time or expect me to humor their delusions.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

7. best of luck to you for the future.

[Brickbat]

2. I found that freelance rates started creeping up again in 2007-2010, but since then have been

dropping like they did in the early 2000s. It's shameful. There are a lot of people -- even semi-talented ones -- who are willing to write for free, for "exposure" and "experience" and "clips." Thanks for supporting decent wages for freelance writers. Good luck to you.

ETA: I love your response. When I query out and get a bunch of smoke up blown up my ass, I send an arch letter back about how I refuse to work for free and undermine the value of my own work. I like yours better, though.

[petronius]

4. I would delete the first "do" and the "here" from your last sentence, and close

the quote around "no, thank you." Also, a colon after schmucks would look snootier, as would "proffered" instead of "offered." Perhaps a comma instead of the ellipsis?

Yeah, if they actually said something like "vastly expand the prestige and depth of your portfolio" while offering to not pay you, then it would be difficult to be too harsh...

[nolabear]

5. LOL! Gotta love Craigslist. I wouldn't sear them; they might be earnest but naive.

But I actually knew someone who took one of those unpaid gigs. They were in fact sincerely trying to find partners to get something going and yes, they failed.

Craigslist has no gatekeeper. You just have to hitch up the waders and keep slogging. I'd hate to be on their end too. I'm also a writer and nowadays there are a lot of people who can't carry it off professionally, but who are applying for such jobs. I could tell you some tales!

Good luck and here's to new gigs...real ones. :toast:

[MilesColtrane]

6. Ah, yes.

As a musician for years now, I've seen many a time when an agent, clubowner, or promoter has approached me or my fellows and tried to get us to play an engagement sans renumeration.

It usually goes like this, "Say, you guys have a great sound. Listen, I've got this party going on and I really would like you to play there. I can't pay you, but there will be all the domestic keg beer you can drink and I'll have some vienna sausages and a fruit tray for you in the back.
There'll be a lot of important people there, so this is a good opportunity for some exposure for your band."

At this point, I usually turn to a bandmate and loudly remark, "I've always heard it said that you can die from exposure."

[hunter]

8. You don't have to say anything.

Sometimes it's best you don't.