How bad do you think this is going to hurt?

[Tobin S.]

Or will it hurt at all?

I've been living with my fiance since January. One of the first things I noticed when I walked into her house for the first time was that she had a lot of stuff. I'm a minimalist. I don't need to have much more than what is necessary. But the way Jen was living really didn't bother me all that much while we were getting to know each other. I liked her a whole lot and that was all I was worried about at the time.

Jen will tell you that she's a hoarder. There's nothing that I will write here that she will object to. It's not to the point that she needs psychological help. I think she just needs a guy like me to thin things out a little.

We live in a three bedroom house and we cannot use two of the bedrooms because they have too much stuff in them. After living with each other for a little while it's starting to bother me and Jen knows that. We are getting married next month and she recently had two bridal showers which has just cluttered the place up more than it already was. Jen started getting serious about getting organized and clearing out the place so we have more room. With my help she started clearing out one of the bedrooms.

Then last night, when we got to a certain point, she said that she thought the rest could be thrown away. That was like music to my ears.

She's at a concert tonight with one of my sisters. While she's been gone I cleared out that room and it looks 100% better now. I didn't throw away anything that wasn't obviously trash. I just moved most of the stuff down to the basement. She can go through it down there.

So do you think she's going to pull a WWF move on me and body slam me from the top rope? Or will I not need medical attention tonight?

[redwitch]

1. You'll be fine.

She loves you dude!

[kayakjohnny]

2. Depends on whether the concert sucked or not.

You will probably be ok.

Why cause a huge glitch right before a wedding, right?

I mean, no one does that, am I right?

[elleng]

3. Sounds like you're ok; she said the rest could be thrown away,

so you've done some 'modest' throwing. (P.S., where's the stuff now? Not in a trash-masher or shredder?) No medical attention for you tonight, Tobin, imo.

P.P.S. my best friend, in whose townhouse I stay 1/2 of the time, has accumulated huge amounts of stuff. He's a techie/engineer/computer guy, retired, LOVES gadgets, and keeps computers + computer parts he 'thinks' might be 'useful' some time. In order to rent apartment in the townhouse, which he'd spent lots to renovate, he had to have friends throw stuff out, and there's still 1 1/2 bedrooms full of stuff! You're not alone!

I FORGOT! Wedding's next month! CONGRATS!!!

:hi:

[Dystopian]

4. Oh Tobin! : )

I'm so very happy for you....
You and Jen can talk things out rather than letting little things fester....
Being open is what it's all about.

She really does need a guy just like you.
:loveya:
And so do I. I'm very much like Jen...except way older.

She said everything could be thrown away...you didn't do that.
You simply moved it...making everything so much easier for her.
She's going to love it!

Ah....true love.
Music to my ears...

Have a beautiful night....and rest of your life..

Can't wait for the wedding pictures.

Much peace and love to you and Jen~

[rbnyc]

5. I hope this works out for you.

My husband is a bit of a hoarder himself. My living room floor is currently piled with things I've asked him to go through before tomorrow morning.

Before I met him, I'd had a bit of a nomadic lifestyle and didn't own more than I could carry in one trip - literally - all of my permanent possessions could fit in one suitcase, a backpack and a guitar case. Everything else I needed - futon, desk, chair - I would pick up second-hand and then sell before moving to the next town.

When my husband and I moved in together, he actually packed bags of garbage. He brought garbage from his old apartment into our new apartment. Our place got so cluttered so fast, it was overwhelming. Arduously, we cleared a lot of it out and made 2 unusable rooms and a packed closet functional. Within days, he volunteered to help a retired couple move from their long-time residence into a retirement community. He came home with 8 boxes of their shit! An old shoe shine kit, a bowling ball, books, board games, a canteen, 5 lanterns, so much stuff!

When I hear that you have cleaned stuff out, I'm not so worried that she will be mad. I'm worried that she will soon fill the "empty" space.

I'd say you're in for it, but not in the way you might expect.

[seabeyond]

6. i can't do piles, so hubby does them for me. when my mom died and i got her house and her stuff

i had a hard time getting rid of everything though i wanted nothing. hubby did it for me.

i have said thank you, many times. i dont like stuff and he is the hoarder. but we work together getting rid of stuff and always feels good.

i think you did good.

i hope jen feels the same

[petronius]

7. Well, I'm not 100% certain that "This can be thrown out" is exactly the same

as "You can throw this out." So you may be in for it a little, but probably not too much.

However, I think rbnyc is right - by shifting stuff to the basement you've reset the process, and removed most of the pressure to go through it at all. My bet is that you'll get a bit of stink-eye tonight, followed by a full basement and a re-filled bedroom. Better plan preemptive action!

[MiddleFingerMom]

8. One of the things that makes it easier to let go of "stuff" is donation.

.
.
.
"Stuff" you're not using could be VERY beneficial to someone who
couldn't ordinarily afford it.
.
Goodwill, Salvation Army, homeless shelters -- check in your local
area for places that might put otherwise (let's face it) "useless
stuff" to good use.
.
.
I remember times in college when another blanket or a warmer coat
would have been nice -- but it was unaffordable.
.
.
Knickknacks -- someplace like Goodwill sells it and puts the money
into social programs and help for people in need.
.
.
.
The idea that you're not just 'discarding' it, but passing it along
makes the parting much more sweet than sorrow.
.
.
.
Keep us informed on the wedding... you have a lot of folks happy
here because of YOUR happiness.
.
.
.
:hug:
.
.
.

[Dystopian]

9. Sweet...

MFM:hug:

That is a beautiful solution...
A win-win situation...



peace~

[elleng]

11. ABSOLUTELY, and I sometimes SHOP at those places!

[jme0318]

13. MFM - I donated a lot of stuff....

I gave all of my old dishes and lots of glasses away. I do find it easier to donate stuff than to see it thrown out...

I am just more sentimental about things - therefore - I hoard!

[rurallib]

19. Been married to a packrat for nigh on 40 years. Helping others with donations

has helped clear a whole lot of our stuff out.
We are nearing a spot where I can survive now.
Only been 40 years or so.

[RebelOne]

10. I could use you to help me get rid of a lot of stuff

that I have, but just do not want to throw away. I promise I won't body slam you.

[jme0318]

12. The hoarder chimes in...

I was pleasantly surprised when I came home on Friday night - I did not "hurt" him at all...

We got new dishes - I donated my old ones to a ministry that helps "displaced" people.

We got new towels - I donated our old towels to the local animal shelter (where I got my cat and dog).

I got new pots and pans - I gave my old ones to someone.

I also gave away my dining room table and chairs - and a tv and a dvd player.

I am getting rid of stuff...

[gratuitous]

14. Tag me in! Tag me in!

I'll settle his hash. Or at least his rooty-poo candy ass! If you smel-l-l-l-l-l-l what the gratuitous . . . is gonna run wild with his 13-inch pythons! And whatcha gonna do??? Oh y-y-y-y-y-yeah!

[Skittles]

15. you sound more like a packrat than a hoarder, jme0318

yes INDEED

[elleng]

16. Good to hear this, jme.

Hope wedding+ plans going well. Had daughter's wedding Sept. 2, and I think/hope she's relaxing now!

[jme0318]

18. I'm ready for the honeymoon / vacation!

I am taking the week before the wedding off of work - and then the week after the wedding off... I am so ready!

[struggle4progress]

17. Tobin? Ya still there, buddy? Hey, Tobin, let us know you're OK

:)