I know I'm beating a dead horse, but why do women keep adding the "can we still be friends" line?

[charlie and algernon]

A girl I had been seeing the last month told me yesterday that while there was mutual attraction and considered us to be going on dates, she started seeing someone else and I suddenly became the odd man out.

And yet after all that she felt it necessary to add the seemingly immortal request to "still be friends."

Why?



Why???


Serious question, has anyone ACTUALLY said, "yes, I know you just rejected me for another person, but I would absolutely want to be friends with you!" :eyes:

[NightWatcher]

1. it's them trying to avoid being a total ass (in their own mind)

plus if it doesnt work out with the new person she picked over you, she might double back for seconds

[HopeHoops]

3. Then put a rubber on it and explain EXACTLY why!

[HopeHoops]

2. Answer with "No, but I wouldn't mind fucking your silly brains out every once in a while."

That's just about as sensible a thing to say.

[charlie and algernon]

4. I should add that this was all sent through email

Yes, I got rejected through email.

Since I can't find a way to respond that isn't snarky, I'm just not going to respond at all.

[HopeHoops]

5. Simple solution - set up a filter rule to redirect her messages where they belong - The Trash.

[geardaddy]

9. Better solution.

Sign her up for penis enlarging emails.

[HopeHoops]

12. Oh dear. No. That's WAY too cruel.

[geardaddy]

14. Enzyte ads?

[HopeHoops]

15. Viagra and Trojan ads - now THAT's cruel, but within limits.

[geardaddy]

17. lol

[HopeHoops]

18. Ooooh I got it - Mid Summer's Night Dream douches and Oscar Meyer Weiners.

[geardaddy]

19. That's it!

:rofl:

[HopeHoops]

20. Actually, I think that's just a song name, not a douche name.

[HappyMe]

25. Aaw..hell no!

Not responding at all is the way to go. Email, really? If you don't give enough of a fuck about a person as a lover/friend to SPEAK with me, then toodle-oo!

I have never asked a guy I was involved with the 'let's be friends' thing. I haven't had a guy ask me either. They were both long relationships, and to me, too much water under the bridge to be 'friends'.
I don't know, I usually perceive the 'friends' thing as somebody stringing somebody else along. I'm sure it's not true in all cases.

[Chan790]

6. It's situational in this case and you shouldn't do anything dumb unless you really want to.

Usually it's a way of not being an ass during a break-up...in this case, it sounds like you just got placed in reserve. The fact that she did it by email was tacky and you certainly have no obligation to wait for her punk-ass, it sounds like:

Will you stay in contact? I might want to have another go at it if this doesn't work out?

You certainly have no obligation to say "yes" though. You also have every right to respond more explicitly with "Fuck No!" or "No, but give me a call if it doesn't work out." if you so choose.

[raccoon]

7. Great answer, you should be an agony aunt. Uncle, I guess, in your case. nt

[Phentex]

11. Yep, that's it I think...

I believe some people really DO think they can keep someone on hold until they decide what they want.

[HopeHoops]

8. Ask her to meet you at a strip club and don't show up.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. became women are taught to be nice. nt

[Yavin4]

13. If You Have Feelings For Her, Then You Cannot Be Friends with Her

Yes, you can be cordial. You can be friendly. You can be acquaintenaces, but you cannot be friends.

Your feelings won't go away. If she has rejected you, move on with your life.

[LibDemAlways]

16. I would call her on breaking up by e-mail. That's cowardly and I'd tell her so.

If you don't want to continue to be friends with her, I'd make that clear, too. You deserve better. It's time to move on.

[freshwest]

21. I don't know why guys say it when you dump them, either. Seems like it's holding on in either case.

[hunter]

22. I never had a break-up like that.

Usually things ended with me bleeding all over the place... knives twisted into my gut, shrapnel in my face, road rash... that sort of thing.

Probably I was never attracted to "can we still be friends" sorts of women.

I grew up in a family of fiery women and I married into a family of fiery women.

[suninvited]

23. I have only said that once to a man at a breakup

and it was because I really did value the friendship part of a relationship and didn't want to lose it. He was the one that actually broke it off with me when I rejected his marriage proposal. He declined the offer of friendship, and said it would never work but after six months he decided he would rather have me as a friend than not have me in his life at all.

It actually worked, and we remained the best of friends until the day he died about eight years later. We both had other relationships and talked to each other about them and basically talked about anything and everything always. I could always count on him being honest with me and vice versa. We became so comfortable with each other, and always loved one another in a purely platonic way.

He was the best friend that I have ever had and I miss him so much to this very day even though he has been gone for four years now.

btw, I rejected his marriage proposal because we disagreed so much politically that being in such an emotionally charged relationship it would never work. As friends, we could disagree with each other on political matters and not take it personal, if that makes sense at all...

on edit: another important note. We were friends for about five years before we became romantically involved, so we knew the friendship thing worked.

[Xipe Totec]

24. Some women think men's ego's are so fragile...

that outright rejection will cause us to blow our brains out.

Seriously...

[AsahinaKimi]

26. We always have the option to change our minds...

If you are on the bench, you are still in the game! ^^"

[MilesColtrane]

27. I'd would email her back.

I'd tell her that, with all due respect, she should at least have the decency to break up with you over the phone. (or, in person depending on how far along the relationship was)

I'd also tell her that such a dick move precludes any lasting friendship.

[SwissTony]

28. I strongly agree with Miles

The relevant word here is "decency". And "respect" should also be in the mix.

Say goodbye, and should she ring later, just say "Nice to hear from you but I've moved on with my life. All the best with your's"

[RedCloud]

29. Just tell her you just accidently swallowed a bottle full of viagra,

[charlie and algernon]

30. Thanks all! I ended up emailing her back to say I wish her the best

and suggested we just part ways. I really can't see a friendship working out at all and think its time to move on.

[freshwest]

32. You stayed classy. Good for you.

[girl_interrupted]

33. Agree! He really is one classy guy!

I was so hoping he wouldn't take some of the nastier advice given on here. Glad he rose above it. He sounds like a really nice guy and it's more her loss than his, that's for sure.

[freshwest]

34. Yes. My saying is 'Sometimes goodbye is a gift.' No beginning without an ending.

And yes, he sounds like a nice guy. Hoping for the better days.

[seabeyond]

42. good for you charlie. nt

[Withywindle]

31. When I say it, it's because I MEAN it.

Just because the romance/shagging part is over, doesn't mean the talking/laughing/enjoying each other's company part necessarily has to. So when I say it, what I mean is, "I'm never going to stop caring about you, and I hope you will chose to stay in my life in some capacity."

It may take a lot of time and it certainly doesn't work in all cases all the time, and you don't even want it to all the time, but I'm close friends with several of my exes now. I was even "best woman" at one's wedding. :shrug:

[BiggJawn]

35. "Gee, I was hoping for fuckbuddies..."

That oughta fix it.

Did have a girlfriend a long time ago who actually meant that when she said "let's be friends".

I miss her... She's passed on...:(

[Book Lover]

36. What are you, 16?

You don't like her enough to be friends without the fucking? Not much of a relationship to begin with, then.

[girl_interrupted]

37. I don't think that's what he meant

Sometimes it's difficult to see someone on a daily basis when you have deeper feelings for them, than they do for you. You want a serious relationship and they don't. And I don't mean that just in a sexual sense, because there is definitely more to a relationship than sex, you're right about that. But let's say, it was someone you were envisioning as permanent partner. Hard to get over those kinds of feelings right away, if ever. Some can do it, some can't. And that's ok. I don't see anywhere where the OP reacted with any kind of hateful or crude responses, like some on here have suggested, he do. I think he took the high road, explained to the woman how he felt and parted on a good note. Nothing wrong with that.

[Chan790]

38. Apparently, I'm 16.

Because when I'm romantically interested in someone, their lack of interest is terminal. I have no interest in being friends with failed innamorati unless it as some possibility of coming back around to something more.

[cherish44]

39. Could be two things

1) She's just trying to be nice

2) She does like you but she doesn't "like" you like you and she does want to be friends and stay in touch with you etc.

[Scout]

40. well, just because a woman doesn't want to fuck you doesn't mean she doesn't

enjoy your company

:shrug:

doesn't mean of course that you have to agree to remain "just friends"

[seabeyond]

41. she wants to escape without repercussion of feeling your pain, and doesnt want to hurt you

anymore than what she thinks she has.

i LOVE your last sentence though.

[Skittles]

43. because

they don't have romantic feelings for you they still see your value as a friend. They don't say that to guys they seriously do not like or consider to be creeps. If you only see the value in a gal you can fuck, then you probably did the right thing.