Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

[Dystopian]

I don't think so. I feel numb and really don't care.

Just testing something.
Thanks...


peace~

[Amerigo Vespucci]

1. Depends.

I've come across an unfortunate number of people in my life...men and women...who have what psychologists like to call "abandonment issues."

For some people:

1). Absence opens old wounds

2). Absence causes "transference" (turning a current partner into a past partner who hurt you)

3). Absence kills relationships (depending on where each person is on the "cling" scale from 1 to 10)

I would say that unless you have two people in a Hallmark Card kind of relationship where they are both perfect and both are free from any past traumas or insecurities, absences...especially if they are frequent and/or extended...do not make the heart grow fonder.

[freshwest]

5. No hallmark people in my life. But time has given me new perspectives.

[Dystopian]

6. Thank you...

Amerigo

Once again ... you are truly an old soul.
You wrote what I felt to be true ... needed validation.
I've been free for years .... I think the recent traumas and absences are grinding my face in the dirt.
Hence, the numbness.

But I get a dirty face from eating chocolate like a little kid...;-)
Numb has its place ... in my little world.

Hope all is well with you ....


peace~

[MiddleFingerMom]

2. Sometimes absence makes the wand grow um... harter.

.
.
.
:hi:
.
.
.

[Dystopian]

7. OK...you...

MFM

I usually know what you're up to! :crazy:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OH! :think:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I think I just got it! Took long enough!
Good grief! It's in the spelling....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
:hi:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

[Chan790]

3. No.

Absence when unfilled makes people horny and they mistake that for increasing fondness for another.

[Dystopian]

8. Hmmmm....

That's another way of looking at it..
Chan

But ... old people should be able to tell the difference ...



peace~

[Chan790]

20. Don't mind my misanthropy.

I'm tainted on this by the fact that my one "healthy" relationship as an adult was a by-no-means healthy but merely prolonged long-distance relationship. I'm a bastard cynic.

[Dystopian]

29. I'm sorry...

Chan

You are still young ...
I didn't detect misanthropy ... two way street.
Live awaits you....
With open arms...
Go for the gold...
Gold is on the inside...

In my long life ... only one long-distance relationship ...FAIL.



peace~

[freshwest]

4. Yeah. I tend to focus on the best memories. The loss of loved ones is pain enough.

And no one is perfect and everyone thinks they're right.

Sorry that you're feeling sad tonight.

[Dystopian]

9. That was sweet...

freshwest

I'm okay...really.
I'm not sad....just thinking about what is...and what is not.
I think someone else is tangled in memories ...
It takes a long time for some to let go ..... and that's normal.

It takes a person of character to speak the truth ...

I let go years ago....so I'm doing fine.
I hope you are, too...:hug:



peace~

[freshwest]

10. Thanks and hugs to you, too. The is and is not thing, I believe is a function of polarity. Take Care

[EastTennesseeDem]

11. Yes.

Yes. Yes yes yes.

[Dystopian]

16. : )

EastTennesseeDem:hug:

I hope that was a happy Yes. Yes yes yes.
:hi:



peace~

[EastTennesseeDem]

32. Haha. Sadly(ish)

My S.O. graduated from college last year and is working in Oregon while I'm still here at school in Nashville. I miss the living shit out of her.

[Dystopian]

35. Bittersweet ....

Young love.
:loveya:
I guess there is some truth to that old adage.
May you soon be together again.

peace~

[rug]

12. It's in direct proportion to how much he irritates you.

[Kali]

13. this

yes

[Dystopian]

17. That makes sense...

Hey rug:hug:
Irritation can be a prime factor, for sure. :D

I sit and think a lot.
Then go to sleep.....



peace~

[abq e streeter]

14. As you no doubt know, that depends on the person and the situation

But yeah, absence can certainly have that effect. I hope you're able to have that love in your heart without it causing pain, or at least not too much. Damn, that didn't come out like I wanted it to, but on the other hand, I guess I really don't even know what I'm trying to say. Glad to see these posts from you and hope you're OK.


abq

[Dystopian]

18. It's been a long time, my friend...

abq

Does anyone really know what they're trying to say here?
Nice to see you too....
I've not been around much...
I'm trying to survive in controlled chaos ;-)
Doing fine...

Yes, thank you, I'm Okay...
I'm Okay, You're Okay...

I need to pick up that book again...
Not that one... the other one.

Thank you so much...
:loveya:


peace~

[dimbear]

15. Just remember these two rules: 'absense makes etc.' and 'out of sight out of mind.'

Now you're good to go.

[Dystopian]

23. dimbear....

:hug:

I am good to go!
And you're right.... absence makes etc., as in peace of mind....

Have a bright and sunny day!



peace~

[seabeyond]

19. i tell my kids they have to go away for me to miss them. but i think after a certain amount of time

opposite effect. get used to not having that energy so not a feel of without

[Dystopian]

24. wow...

seabeyond

That was a head trip...
I believe the first post you've ever typed that I didn't get!
And (believe it or not) I spend a lot of time reading GD.
I love you there..all that I could never be.
:loveya:


So.....what is this energy you speak of that enables you to not feel of without?
I truly want to know...

I do a lot of poetry and metaphor .... and I'm lost!
Thanks, sweetie.


peace~

[seabeyond]

30. ah geez....

lol. this is my spiritual stuff. there is an energy that we all have. when someone has lived with you for a while, that energy lingers. is there. can tangibly feel it. it takes a while for that energy to disperse. not feel. while it is there, feeling it, thoughts of the person is readily there more often, than when the energy is not there to continually let you feel the person. then you have to mentally think the person, instead of feel the person.

hence the energy is part of your surrounding and you, so without the person, you feel like you are lacking something.

[Dystopian]

33. Oh!

seabeyond:hug:
Thank you for the explanation .... I totally get it now.
And it makes sense ...quite true. When my SO moved out a few years ago I could still feel his presence for a while...
It was intense...and drove me to distraction ... I felt a tad crazy.
Thank goodness I only have to think of him now...
But they're good thoughts, as he's a good person. :-)

Thank you for taking the time to explain...



peace~

[Hepburn]

21. I have never grown fonder of some asshole I have dumped.

Just glad to be rid of the problem.

[Dystopian]

26. Problems can be problematic..

Hepburn

I've spent a lifetime dumping assholes.
Well...not all of them were, but they had to go.
There is a time to heal...

Rid-X pest control.... vermin.
Yes, I humor myself at times....


peace~

[bluethruandthru]

22. Yes...Absence makes the heart grow fonder....of someone else!

A little absence can be good, but too much leads to straying - at least in my experience.

[Dystopian]

28. I laughed...

Thank you, bluethruandthru

Stray dogs stray...
Ain't that the truth!
I think the experience is almost universal.
There are rare gems out there....

I had to smile...
Life is too short to build mountains from molehills.

Hope all is well with you now...:hug:

I only found the humor .... irony ...in my own life experience.
I hope that you are happy, bluethruandthru...



peace~

[blueamy66]

25. YES

I am upset every Monday that my guy leaves for the week.

I miss him dearly. Sometimes I even cry. And we've been together for 8 years.

[Dystopian]

27. Bittersweet ....

blueamy66

What you have is true love...
A treasure...

I've had what you speak of...but once in my lifetime.
I know the yearning...

I don't mean to be presumptuous, or to pry...
But I hope that circumstances may change for the two of you some day...
Together forever...always.

It is far better to have .... than to have not.
peace & love to you both~

[blueamy66]

31. Ahhh...his job has its ups and downs....

we get a brand new company car every 2 years, insurance, a cell phone and high speed internet....

but, I think, I'd give it all up if he could be home EVERY NIGHT AND DAY....

He loves his job, he is good at it and I really shouldn't complain....

[Dystopian]

34. Life as it is...

blueamy66

You deserve a hug....
There are scarifies to be made.
As long as there is love .... that's all that matters.
I wish both of you the best ...
Love is all we need ...



peace~

[blueamy66]

41. thank you

I love him to death

[Rowdyboy]

36. Years ago, early in our relationship, my guy spent 3 summers away at graduate school getting his MS

Our reunions every couple of weeks were unbelievable-I felt (and acted)like a teenager at 40. I fulfilled SEVERAL fantasies in that dorm room.....

[Dystopian]

38. Made me smile....

Rowdyboy

I'm happy you have those memories... and fantasies ....for real.
Reunions can be wondrous!
Is it not beautiful how love can strip us of our years?



peace~

[blueamy66]

42. Yee Haw

sounds like me, at 45..... :-)

[Dystopian]

37. .......

Did anyone note the cryptic message in my initial post?

:shrug:

:-)


peace~

[bluesbassman]

39. Used to.

:(

[Dystopian]

40. ......

dear bluesbassman
No words needed..
much peace & love to you~

[Amaril]

43. In the immortal words of Pink

Go away, give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye, it'll make me want to kiss you
I love you so much more when you're not here
Watchin all the bad shows, drinking all of my beer

Etc. :)

[blueamy66]

44. perfect

nt

[Dystopian]

46. First time I've heard this song...

Amaril:hug:
Thank you....good song.

Sometimes we don't want to miss...and don't.

Yes, best when one is not present.....
Ever again.



peace~

[Grantuspeace]

45. Absence makes the heart grow "blonder". n/t

:)

[Dystopian]

47. : )

Grantuspeace:hug:
:hi:
Could be!

And I love your user-name


peace~

[cherokeeprogressive]

48. Nope. It makes the heart go YONDER. n/t

[Dystopian]

50. Yes!

cherokeeprogressive :hug:

That's true ... in my case.
But only if there is nothing there.

I was lost in a void....
Vacuums suck.

Finally saw light of day...
Disencumbered ... Smiles.

Oh for a song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDpVS7D9AJs

Settled in where everyone is kind...
All in my mind...space tripping. Peace.



peace~

[raccoon]

49. No. "Out of sight is out of mind. " nt

[Dystopian]

51. : )

raccoon :hug:

First there is out of mind:
'What was I thinking?'
Then there is out of sight...and out of mind.

Obviously, not entirely out of mind.
I'm still in the afterglow.;-)




peace~

[Dystopian]

52. I really was just testing something.

No one noted my cryptic OP. I answered my own question. I stayed away long enough to not care. I am free at last! All I did was cut a tiny red string. Life is good again.:-)




peace~

[TorchTheWitch]

53. short term - perhaps, long term - no

In the short term I think it depends mostly on the individual and the relationship and probably the circumstances as well. Of course, how long or short the short term is would be relative.

In the long term I'd have to say no. The passage of time not only heals it forgets. New experiences fill the gap of time and focus attention, and memory of what once was becomes hazy. It's human nature to get on with, life to move on and go past what had been.

[Dystopian]

55. Point taken ... understood ..

TorchTheWitch:hug:

I agree with the human nature aspect...
Life goes on ...
Lessons learned.

The memories may linger .... sans heart.



peace~

[sakabatou]

54. Sometimes.

Other times it makes me sad, angry and frustrated.

[Dystopian]

56. I'm sorry...

sakabatou

Don't know your situation, but hope you're happier soon...

[sakabatou]

59. My girlfriend is having family issues.

Thankfully, she got a used phone.

[applegrove]

57. Nope.

[Dystopian]

61. : )

applegrove

You're right ... at least we both think we're right.
And so we are!



peace~

[Skittles]

58. no; makes it go wander

[Dystopian]

62. Kick Ass reply!

Skittles

Although I'm not wandering .... just being...
Found out that if I kept my distance ... the flame died.

Just being is good :-)




peace~

[whistler162]

60. Nope but it grows flounder! I tired it just for the halibut.

[Dystopian]

63. !!!!!!!!!!

whistler162 :hug:

You need to know how funny that was!
Ironic.
I met him on Plenty of Fish!



:D





peace~

[deucemagnet]

64. Absinthe makth the herrt grrrb plgth zzzzzzzzzzzz.......