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read about such positive outcomes. My 29 year old son also suffers from bipolar 1, but he began having difficulties at the age of 3 after he was molested at a day care. He was put on medications in 7th grade (things got really bad when the hormones kicked in), and for the FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE, he slept all night. Keeping him stable more than 2-3 weeks was impossible until he reached about the age of 20, because he grew to be 7' tall. As soon as we would get him stable, he would shoot up in growth and that would blow the delicate balances we had finally achieved with a new med routine. So my son lost his childhood, and for the first 7 years as an adult, he was having to play emotional maturity catch-up. Even in young adulthood, at least twice and sometimes three or four times a year, we spent all night in the ER because of suicidal ideation, aka cycles of terror for Mom.
You said "If there is a hell I imagine that's what it would be like." Absolutely. I chain smoke, and my M.D. who looks at my lungs keeps pushing Chantix or whatever the newest aide is, but psychiatrists tell me with my family history, I should not try any of that stuff without intensive medical supervision. In other words, such stuff could tip me into BP, considering the family history. So I have told my M.D. several times that I would rather be dead than suffer the absolute hell that I have seen my son endure. And I absolutely mean that. (As a loving mother close to her son, each agony he suffered, I felt too, and wished I could trade places with him.) Words are completely inadequate to express the pain. People who don't live closely with this have no idea. Our family has several members with physical disabilities that confine them to a wheelchair, and what they have taught me is that in such situations, you can CHOOSE and fight to be happy in spite of the circumstances. But with bipolar in control, you can't make that choice....if only the world could really understand that (instead of saying hey, shake yourself out of that). AND understand that with the needed medical assistance, things can turn around. I hate the term 'mental illness', because that implies that somehow people suffering from this have some choice. I wish we could change the moniker to something like NBD, or neurological brain disorder, which is more accurate and indicates a medical condition like diabetes. Language does more than reflect our perceptions; language choice creates societies' perception of the world (just ask Karl Rove).
In the last three years, my son has really taken off. The meds he was on as a teen and young adult had caused him to gain an enormous amount of weight. The food he could afford on food stamps didn't help, either. Two years ago, he was up to 459 lbs on his 7' frame. Being morbidly obese as well as extremely tall does not help one who struggles with self-perception. He tried out for Biggest Loser about 2 years ago, but didn't make the cut. But at that point, he was finally in a position to take control of his life, and he did subsequently change his life so much for the better. I see genuine happiness now. He worked with his doctor to radically change his medications, and didn't tell me about it (sparing me intense worry), and the results have been great. He is now down to 317 lbs and still dropping weight. He watches his diet and exercises. He held the same job for 18 months and did very well, and just got a new, better job. (In the past, he was only able to work a few weeks at a time, then he would quit because of anxiety attacks, etc.) He has had a steady girlfriend for the past 5 months, a lovely young girl who works at a daycare center. She is his first girlfriend since his girlfriend dropped him at age 17 (and he ended up in a psychiatric hospital for a week.) He has emerged from hell, a hell thrust upon him at the tenderest of ages, that he did nothing to deserve or earn, and at long last, he is feeling genuinely happy and positive. After three decades of complete hell.
Reading your story helped to reinforce the positive possibles for my own son, so thanks for sharing.
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