Happy, Happy Weather, According to Happy Happy TV Broadcasts!!

[hatrack]

Dec. 18 was another terrifyingly mild day in New York City. At noon, the temperature in Central Park was a toasty 58 degrees. Somewhere near the North Pole, another giant hunk of ice may have been melting off into a swelling Arctic Ocean, but over on 10th Avenue, the Channel 2 afternoon news team was busy wrapping up a package on holiday hassles.

After a few seconds of cheerful nattering about long lines at the post office, they kicked it over to meteorologist Audrey Puente for her forecast. “If the line extends out the door, no problem!” said a glowing Ms. Puente. “Because the temperatures will be nice and comfortable for everyone waiting on those lines, whether it’s at a store or the post office today!” Global warming may be turning the earth into a shriveled, flooded, lifeless swamp faster than Al Gore can jet around the country trying to stop it. But then also, the sun is shining; the skies are clear. There are no blizzards, no rain and no snow for the TV weather folk to report, no nor’easters coming up the coast and no southwesterly winds carrying accumulation from the Great Lakes. Manhattan has all the balmy imperviousness of Venice before the plague. The unpredictable weather patterns are yet to come.

On Dec. 11, the National Center for Atmospheric Research released findings showing that because of greenhouse emissions, the retreat of Arctic sea ice is increasing so rapidly that there won’t be any ice left in the Arctic Ocean in the summertime in 2040. On Dec. 19, government and private researchers projected the heat spell will last well into January. Someone named Mike Palmerino of the private firm DTN Meteorologix pronounced the chances of anyone in the Northeast enjoying a white Christmas “very unlikely.” So put away those parkas and go for a stroll, New York! The only thing better than last-minute Christmas shopping is doing so on the eve of the apocalypse.

EDIT

That this has been the warmest year on record since 1881 did not particularly trouble Ms. Huff or many of her fellow weather people. The current bout of freakish weather isn’t inexplicable, she said, so it’s not keeping her in night sweats. The “very mild pattern” is a mix of El Niño churning up the Pacific, bringing heavy, wet weather to the West Coast and record-breaking temperatures (71 degrees on Dec. 18 in Atlantic City!) to our neck of the woods. “What’s sad about 60 degrees in December?” she asked. “There’s nothing dangerous about it. There’s nothing sad about it. It puts smiles on people’s faces. Everyone’s been thanking me—not that I had anything to do with it.”

EDIT

http://www.observer.com/20061225/20061225_Rebecca_Dana_media_nytv.asp

[Delphinus]

1. What a

fucking idiot! “What’s sad about 60 degrees in December?” she asked. “There’s nothing dangerous about it. There’s nothing sad about it. It puts smiles on people’s faces. Everyone’s been thanking me—not that I had anything to do with it.”

[hatrack]

2. If written English allowed a simple way of denoting a Helium-drenched Munchkin giggle . . .

I'd certaily use it here to describe this person's words and mentality.

[Systematic Chaos]

3. Dude, you ROCK.

That visual almost made me do a :spray: all over the keyboard!

:rofl:

On edit: I suck at remembering the right emoticon commands.

[hatrack]

4. Good to know that not all my posts are in vain!

Have a :beer: on me, GG!

[Dogmudgeon]

5. lol+He

That might do it.

Also, "LOL <-- Blithering Idiot"

--p!