An apology, a thank you, and a note.

[Jazz2006]

First, an apology:

A couple of nights ago, I started a goofy thread. I was in a bad mood after an argument with my beau, then had several cocktails - always a bad combination - and I acted like an asshole towards HuskerDU, which he did not deserve.

I wrote to him privately the next morning to apologize for my behaviour, and he graciously accepted my apology so things are cool between us, but I thought that since I acted like an asshole so publicly, I should also apologize publicly, not only to HuskerDU, but also to other forum users who read it as it was not conducive to the discussion or debate here and served no useful purpose whatsoever.

I'm sorry.


Second, a thank you:

To Lithos, thanks for killing the thread in question as it deserved, and for doing such a tremendous job moderating this forum, which, as everyone here knows, can be pretty volatile at times.


Finally, a note:

I didn't like what I saw in myself that night and I have been thinking a lot about it. I realized that I treated HuskerDU as badly as I was treated when I first came here, and that is just wrong. Don't take that the wrong way - I blame nobody but myself for my behaviour. I mention it only because it is the realization that I was engaging in the very behaviour that I deplored and that baffled me when it was done to me which has made me think about how best to ensure that I do not repeat it.

To that end, I am going to make a conscious effort to be more polite and respectful to those with whom I disagree; make a conscious effort not to allow past grievances to cloud my judgment when engaging in discussion; and make a conscious effort not to post in anger (or at least to ensure that I separate the anger from what I write).

This forum really is a great resource, with lots of good information posted by people with vastly differing views, and I do not want to detract from that. I think that by making the effort described above, I can accomplish that modest goal.


Regards,
Jazz

Edit to fix a typo.

[DoYouEverWonder]

1. Good for you

One of the great side benefits of participating in a forum such has this, dealing with such a life changing and emotional issues, is that we learn a lot about ourselves in the process. It sounds like you've taken a giant step toward being a better person today and isn't that what life is supposed to be about?

:toast:

[Jazz2006]

2. Thanks, DouYouEverWonder

Life is, indeed, about learning, and I think we learn most wisely when we learn to recognize something negative in ourselves and work to correct it.

:toast: back at you

[mrgerbik]

3. cheers :D n/t

[Jazz2006]

4. To you, too, mrgerbik. nt

[greyl]

5. That's cool and human of you. For the record,

there were a few(3?) people here that, through their posts, acted like total fucking idiot assholes towards you. No new DUer should ever be treated the way you were treated by those few people, and I find it difficult to blame you for any wrongdoing in this forum.

That said, I bet you'd agree that the best discussions happen when the issues take supreme precedence over the personalities discussing them.

[Name removed]

6. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[greyl]

7. Thanks for the irrelevant comment, Hope2006. nt

[Grateful for Hope]

8. you are very welcome!

irrelevant is in the eyes of the beholder.

:hi:

Hi there, greyl!

[Grateful for Hope]

9. So then, why is your post referring to other posters?

calling other posters "total fucking idiot assholes" is a pretty strong statement. It is also only your perception.

That being said, I commend Jazz for her post. It takes a big person to do what she did.

[petgoat]

11. I'm sorry that I occasionally yielded to the temptation to respond in kind

It goes to show that discourtesy, like courtesy, multiplies.

[Jazz2006]

12. Thanks, greyl

And yes, I agree that the best discussions happen when the issues take precedence over the personalities discussing them.

That is a large part of the reason that I am going to make a real effort not to let past grievances get in the way.

[greyl]

18. You're welcome, no sweat. :) nt

[HuskerDU]

10. Thank you again Jazz.

I would like to add that I was in no way innocent of wrongdoing. Jazz did not deserve the egging on that I provided.

And I too would like to thank Lithos for doing the right thing in deleting that thread. I have learned a few lessons since coming aboard as well. I will try to put them to good use and stir discussion rather than emotion. Thanks to Jazz for handling this situation with extreme class. I cannot think of a way Jazz could have handled it better.

Thanks,

HuskerDU

[Jazz2006]

13. And thank you, HuskerDU

For accepting my apology with grace, and for your kind words.

Regards,
Jazz

[Make7]

14. That deserves a round of applause.

I know that could not have been easy to say, much less start a thread about. And it is encouraging to see that your words have been received graciously. (Although it is somewhat amusing that we can't even get through a reconciliation thread without a deleted post.)

To everyone:

We all know that the people in this forum have many different viewpoints. Participation here is an implied acknowledgment of that. Anyone that posts here is likely to get an opposing viewpoint fairly rapidly. However, we should all try to keep in mind that disagreement with an idea or theory is not necessarily an attack on the person proposing or supporting that position. People simply don't view the world the same way. That's what makes the September 11 forum what it is - a place where different perspectives can be expressed and listened to in order to further our understanding of not only the facts and issues, but also of other people's viewpoints. For that to happen we must remain open to the possibilities.

The possibility of changing our minds, the possibility of being wrong, the possibility of seeing things in a different way, and most of all the possibility of learning something about ourselves.¹

Is it time for one of these :grouphug: yet?

Thank you for your post Jazz2006. I'll refrain from commenting on the other thread. :)

- Make7


Notes:  1. This is not intended as a comprehensive list.

[Jazz2006]

16. Thank you, Make7

In particular, thank you for the "to everyone" section of your post. Very well said, indeed.

[Ferry Fey]

15. Your words are appreciated

I appreciate your honesty, and the courage it can take to offer an apology in public. Thank you for modelling that, Jazz.

I've observed (and I'm singling out no particular individuals or perspectives on 911 here), that substantive discussions in this forum tend to get derailed primarily by interjections of snappy/snappish one-liners, that rapidly escalate into volleys of edgy one-line replies.

We all have our own lines in the sand where we decide which assertions that we believe to be untrue have to be challenged and dealt with, and which provocations we can ignore.

But it would really help if we were all a little more aware of our own posting styles, and those of our fellow posters. After conversations with some posters, we always feel that we're bonking our heads against a brick wall. We get a sense of which questions "They" (meaning only those posters "we" don't always think of as "Us") are probably never going to answer, no matter how much we goad them.

This is the internet, and there are ALWAYS going to be people who are as slick as greased weasels. You cannot change their minds, and you cannot pin them down, and they are very sucessful at distracting you if you let them.

So with that in mind, we all need to make decisions as to what interchanges are worth putting our energy into, and which ones would better be avoided. Remember that the conversations here are not just between the people whose names are posted here, but are attended by hundreds of people who may be reading but not speaking. When flaming breaks out, we lose not just the names that quietly leave the conversation, but the many lurkers who decide to put their attention elsewhere.

Let's remember to ask ourselves if the posting we are making is as substantive as the subject matter warrants, or is non-nutritive filler. The issues here are bigger and more important than our individual disagreements.

[Jazz2006]

17. Thank you, Ferry Fey

Your words are also appreciated. You are quite right that we all can and should make decisions about which exchanges to get involved in and which provocations to ignore. (But you said it much more eloquently than that).

Four words that I find are coming in handy: "pause before you post." :)