Hey, Mr. Gullible! Keep the Army, but Write ME a Check for $350K!

[IdaBriggs]

I've got TONS of proof about DANGEROUS WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION...I meant DESTRUCTION in this really UN-AMERICAN COUNTRY where they talk funny called BRAZIL. I thought it was Alaska, but it turns out I really meant BRAZIL. Anyway, someday I'm going to visit there and stuff, but until then I'm sure I can find PROOF of their DANGEROUS UN-AMERICAN activities, so you should write me a check once a month for $350,000 while I make stuff up -- I mean while I risk life and limb for the "cause of FREEDOM!"

Just let me know what you need details about. I've got information on nuclear weapons, and scary animals, and weather changing machines, and stuff. You should send me an advance, though, because I need to get another printer cartridge. Anyway, I am sure I can recruit other people with secret spy information, too, but you will have to increase the check size for them, okay?

Oh, and I've also got a couple of really inexpensive bridges for sale. Let me know if you are interested.

Yours in the Fight for Freedom,
Ida the Brave Snitch