If you had to have a beer with Dubya, what would you do?

[jmowreader]

I'd take him to one of the bars in Milwaukee that a lot of German speakers hang out in.

First, I'd get him really, really drunk.

Then I'd ask him if he wanted to learn some German so he could fit in better. Naturally, any really drunk person would think that was a GREAT idea.

The first phrase I'd teach him would be "Ich bin eine Schwanzlos Wunder ohne Herz oder Gehim." Okay, George, I want you to stand on your barstool and say that as loud as you can so everyone will know you're a great guy.

Then I'll teach him "Ich hasse Amerika und Freiheit." George, you need to stand back up there and yell that so everyone knows how you really feel about America.

Naturally, the next thing I'll teach him is "Erich Honecker ist mein Held."

Now, George, this is the important part. Go up to that huge guy right over there and stand in front of him, then say as loud as you can "Ich Bumse ihre Frau."

And while he's doing that, I'll tell the bartender that the little loudmouthed idiot said he was picking up the tab for everyone in the place, so quit serving that cheap shit.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. Order a pitcher.

Pour it on his head.
Walk out.
Leave him with the tab.

[NYCGirl]

2. I'd give up drinking immediately. (eom)

NT

[ogradda]

3. puke it up

then go wash myself up well with lysol.

[seabeyond]

4. he would be a mean drunk. i dont do mean drunks

they scare me and i walk on eggshell for no one

[whalerider55]

5. Offer to go get the pitcher myself...

and then pee in it behind the bar.

whalerider55

[Maestro]

6. I'd slip a truth serum in his beer

then turn the tape recorder on. Make multiple copies and send to different news outlets. Let Skinner run a continuous stream of the tape and so forth and so on...

[johncoby2]

7. end up paying the bar tab he ran up.

[ClassWarrior]

8. I'd call a news conference.

After all, the lying sack of shit claims he's a recovered alcoholic.

23.

[CBHagman]

9. LOL, jmowreader!

I think that's the best laugh I've had all day.

By the way, I gained total recall of all my knowledge of German profanity after Schwarzenegger took over the governorship in California. I've even made up a few expressions just for him.

[DemBones DemBones]

10. Puke in his lap. Like Poppy in Japan, you know?

;-)

[booksenkatz]

11. I'd kick him in the nuts.

What was the question again?

(It's Saturday night, am still celebrating the ass kicking from last night.)

[CalProf]

12. Pour a shot of Everclear into his O'Douls

And then sit back and watch the fun...

[LiberalCommiePinko]

13. Throw it in his smug, lying face

Funny Question. LOL

[obiwan]

14. I would join Alcoholics Anonymous. Or slip some LSD in his beer.

[senseandsensibility]

15. If I "had" to drink with him

I'd "have to" to get really, really drunk. There's no way I could stand that guy if I was sober; if I was really drunk it would be easier to tell him exactly what I thought of him.

[Shopaholic]

16. Offer him some pretzels

and sit back and watch the hilarity ensue.

[senseandsensibility]

27. LOL

That would be hilarious.

[n2mark]

17. Great question

but geez I was eating baked salmon with jalepenos. This was funny!

[mitchum]

18. Tell the Hells Angel at the next table that he was a DEA agent

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

19. Probably throw the beer in his face.

Glass mug and all.

Can't believe I just said that but I am up to HERE with him and his ilk. I want them out YESTERDAY.

Bastards, all of them.

[carpetbagger]

20. I'd take pictures.

There'd be one lucky blogger breaking the election-deciding story.

"Bush Jumps off the Wagon"

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

21. End up beating the fucking shit out of him

I've dealt with drunks like him before.

[bush equals idiot]

22. As long as you keep him out of Polish bars in Milwaukee.

That wouldn't be good for his hospital insurance.

[Piperay]

23. Stick his head

into the pitcher of beer and hold it there till he hollers 'uncle'.

[TheWebHead]

24. I'd conduct an intervention

though I'd want to get him sent into a rehab facility, I'd know that would leave us with Cheney...

[Eye and Monkey]

25. I'd take him to a bar in the French Quarter and sell him to leather-queens

Get him real drunk on hurricanes and shots, and sell him to The Marlboro Man and a coupla leather-queens. I'd sell him cheap = even cheaper if they have a working video camera and an internet connection. The money - I'd donate it to some just cause.

[Edmond Dantes]

26. Would summarize for him plot of my latest novel-in-progress

PLOT SUMMARY:

American Prez authorizes torture in Iraqi prison. Prez is later kidnapped by French "girlie-men," who torture him. Torture described in excruciating detail, based on US torture of Abu Ghraib prisoners. Prez cracks, grovels for mercy, begs to be returned to the life he once knew as lazy, good-for-nothing, nose-picking alcoholic. Will do anything to get back on golf course.

French girlie-men relent after Prez agrees to get down on his knees and perform oral sex on every French male who requests it, while being photographed.

When Prez has finally satisfied the French, he is rendered to Canada where entire ordeal is repeated.

Then he is shipped back to US -- Appalachia -- where he encounters guys from movie "Deliverance". First Lady smiles approvingly as she and Arnold Schwarzenegger watch.

Afterward, Prez bawls like a baby and finally shoots himself in the head.

****************************************

Sorry to sound so ugly, folks, but this is the only kind of conversation that one can have with a known war criminal escaping prosecution.