The next Clark conspiracy

[ClarkGraham2004]

He was the second shooter.

[Renew Deal]

1. Clark was responsible for the earthquakes in Iran

and for the Flu breakout.

[NV1962]

2. Hinckley is really his brother, and he's released... Coincidence...? n/t

[_Jumper_]

3. Clark has a whites-only hiring policy

Oh wait...

;)

[Renew Deal]

5. Bad Jumper

:spank:

[Duder]

18. Is that why Clark transfered to Military school...

...instead of going to Little Rock High?

That was my guess.

[tedoll78]

4. Clark eats kittens for breakfast!

(just like the doctor does!)

[NV1962]

6. He MIHOP'd Milosevic, just to beat him and cash in on the glory!

[Renew Deal]

8. There are people that argue that.

Like he made Milosevic shoot Albanian children.

[NV1962]

11. At least he didn't make up the word "Racak"

Or did he?

[Rowdyboy]

7. If Hillary didn't do it

Clark did!

I'd put that on my bumper!

(look in the bottom left of the Zapruder film-you can see Wes's purple heart on the grassy knoll)

[NV1962]

9. Owns stock in the factory that made Mladic's hats!

[jjmalonejr]

10. His first name is really Kent.

He's the anti-Superman.

[Clark Can WIN]

12. Clark has no bellybutton

Because he is actually an android, constructed in the future by Karl Rove AND Hillary in the year 2012.

[QC]

13. He invented the word "metrosexual"!

Damn him!

[bhunt70]

14. He Sunk Atlantis!

[andym]

15. He's working with the BFEE to bring the pods into your basement

He's working with the BFEE to bring the alien pods into your basement that will snatch your body on the night of the NH primary.

[Leilani]

27. Love it!!

The Truth is Out There.....

[NV1962]

16. He doesn't exist - he's the sock puppet of a few GOP infiltrators on DU!

[bhunt70]

17. He ate the last slice of Pizza!

[Clark Can WIN]

36. OH THE HUMANITY >>>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<<< DAMN HIM !!!!!!!!!!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[NV1962]

19. He's a stalking horse for the global cartel that hides your other sock!

[John_H]

20. c;'mon we should love these conspiracy threads!

When the time comes when we need conspiracy theorists to try to put a dem candidate in a bad light, you know you got a winner on your hands.

[Bolo Boffin]

21. Clark turned me into a newt!

...I got better.

[Crunchy Frog]

54. Burn him anyway! eom

[Mattforclark]

73. LMAO!!!!

I love that movie!!!!

[RafterMan]

22. I read the "National Service" plan...

On his website -- it's a cookbook!

[Tatiana]

23. He flipped pancakes with Madonna!

Behind Gert's back...

[bhunt70]

24. I wanna flip pancakes with madonna... :(

[bhunt70]

25. Clark stole my girl!

[in_cog_ni_to]

26. Clark had

remote controls to guide the planes into the towers after Clinton's penis told him to.

Then,he personally flew around the country rounding up Bin Ladin family members, put them on his plane and flew them out of the country.

Then, he met with Bin Ladin and told him how to hide in Tora Bora and how to escape if the soldiers got too close.

Then, he met "secretly" with Saddam and talked him into getting rid of all of his WMD so the USA could attack Iraq. Clark knows where ALL of the WMD are, you know.

[Leilani]

32. Of Course he does

Clark invented WMDs.

[bhunt70]

41. lol

[NV1962]

28. Clark hides the truth about those phony "moon landings" and Area 51 too!

[QC]

29. HE ALWAYS LEAVES THE SEAT UP!!

[bhunt70]

30. SAY IT AIN'T SO !

[WillyBrandt]

43. Clark shot Glenn Miller!

He also invented the flamethrower, and was responsible for the demise of the Zip Drive

[NV1962]

31. Worse yet: his supporters have no sense of humor!

[Rowdyboy]

33. ROTFLMAO

Thank you, thank you, thank you

[NV1962]

34. hehe

;)

[bhunt70]

35. doesn't Wes Clark own Democratic Underground?

[bain_sidhe]

37. ssshhhhhhhhh

You're not supposed to tell!

[NV1962]

38. the 2 General Discussion forums gave it away huh... Curses, foiled again!

[Clark Can WIN]

39. I heard there are three shovels in his shed in Little Rock............

He wants to actually bury the Democratic Underground, underground.

[mikewriter]

51. LOL!!!

Clark is a bum, a Clinton puppet, and is the real reason the Cubs lost that playoff game.

[Crunchy Frog]

56. You mean

we've discovered Skinner's secret identity?

[WillyBrandt]

40. CLARK OWNS AMELIA EARHEARDT'S BONES!

And he won't give them up, the rogue.

[VolcanoJen]

42. Hey all you new Clark DUers - check out this thread from August!

Below is one of my all-time favorite DU threads, started back in late August before he had even announced his candidacy. The thread became so "infamous" that several blogs, and Josh Marshall, linked to it.

Enjoy. It's even funnier now than it was then.

:-)

Sources: Clark led 7th Cav to annihilation at Little Big Horn

[ClarkGraham2004]

47. Bwahahaha!

[NV1962]

58. Oh myyyyyyyyy

That's good stuff! Thanks for picking that one up - good to see that great example of goofball relief bouncing to the rescue!

[Clark Can WIN]

60. Hey I did pretty good if I do say so myself.

:evilgrin:

[Tatiana]

63. LMFAO!

"Clark rode inside Benedict Arnold's scrotal sac and devised the betrayal of West Point from a crease in Arnold's knickers."

Classic WP... class shit right there!

[VolcanoJen]

68. My favorite from the older thread: "Clark composed 'The Macarena.'"

}(

[VolcanoJen]

70. And another: CLARK LET THE DOGS OUT!

Hahahahaha!

:+ :+ :+

Man, we are a kinda funny bunch at times! I'm literally mopping up beer from the keyboard after reading some of the responses in this fresh thread!

[Leilani]

76. Has to be the winner

This has all been so funny...laughed myself off the chair.

[bain_sidhe]

44. He's in league with Voldemort!

Nearly Headless Nick himself told me, and he heard it directly from Dumbledore!

(I just finished reading Order of the Phoenix)

[WillyBrandt]

45. He speaks perfect Russian, like Lenin

Instead of Good English, like the Apostles

[NV1962]

55. ROFL!!!!

That's just precious.

[Gloria]

46. Clark and his Bars are responsible for 98% of the world's trans fatty

acids....

[WillyBrandt]

48. He owns stock in the New England Confectionary Company

And is just running to advertise Clark Bars

[WillyBrandt]

49. He referenced the HOMESTEAD ACT in a speech

Does anybody remember this gem that pops up now and then? People actually take it to mean something sinister...

[QC]

52. LOL--I remember that one.

Wasn't it somehow supposed to signal that he favored confiscating private property or something?

[WillyBrandt]

57. It pops up now and again

I won't mention the author, but I still find it amazing.

[bhunt70]

50. He talks through EVERY movie, and never pays for dinner.

[windansea]

53. he never blinks

I have "links" to support this

[NV1962]

59. Not even a hole, but lint instead in your pocket?

Correct: you're the latest victim of Wes K's sinister Bait-n-Stitch antics!

[isbister]

61. He is part of the military industrial complex

and if he is chosen to run against bush, they will not lose.

[WillyBrandt]

62. Then why does he argue for CUTTING the Pentagon budget

While Kerry has said no such thing?

He was in it, not of it.

[isbister]

75. Re:

Well, wasn't it a couple of months ago that it was announced that they had "lost" 800 billion dollars? I don't know what Clark has said but sending someone over there to find that dough would be a good idea... that's almost two years worth of military expense if we can find it.

You don't happen to have a link to where Clark argues this, do you? If not, could you point me in the right direction? His web site, somewhere else? I'd like to read that.

[RafterMan]

66. Not only part of the MIC

...but he was a cheerleader for their softball team!

Stop Clark!

[Bolo Boffin]

64. Clark is Keyser Soze.

Plus, he got chocolate all over my peanut butter!

[SeveneightyWhoa]

65. I think this calls for an article:

www.patrioticamerica.net/fea20.html

[Crunchy Frog]

67. He blew up the planet Alderon

with his Death Star.

[Printer70]

69. Clark advances a lot of conspiracy theories himself

Clark- "I think was an effort to embarrass the Clinton administration. It swelled and just grew out of control." (MSNBC's "Hardball," 1/5/04)

Say what, General??

Clark- "There were some people who said, no, what we need to do is just find ... a country and beat up on them so that other people in the Arab world will know we're big and tough and strong."
CLARK CONSPIRACY NO. 2

There may have been selfish reasons (ie: oil), but to "beat up Arabs"??

[Crunchy Frog]

72. Those were simply

accurate observations that he made. Do you have alternate explanations for either the hounding of the Clintons over manufactured scandals, or the war in Iraq that are not themselves conspiracy theories as you seem to define the term?

Anyway, nice thread hijack.

[Printer70]

78. LOL- we started war to make Clinton look bad??

I'm sorry, but that's the lamest explanation I've heard in a long time.

[Crunchy Frog]

82. I don't even know what

your talking about, but somehow that doesn't really surprise me.

[Printer70]

84. Listen this time: Clark said Iraq war fought to embarass Clinton

"I think it was an effort to embarrass the Clinton administration. It swelled and just grew out of control." - Clark

--
Clark is off his rocker.

[Crunchy Frog]

85. LOL!

I don't know what you were watching, or what you were smoking while you were watching it, but it sounds like it was some pretty good stuff. Do you think you could score some for me?:silly:

[NV1962]

71. He brushes his teets five times per day, and

he drives everybody crazy with his precise division of his waking hours into exactly six equal periods between which he just has to brush his teeth, right on the dot.

I mean, Monk's a sloppy careless bum compared to that.

Oh, I just hit 300 keystrokes - time to clean the keyboard!

Edit: I meant "teeth" not "teets" but that's entirely plausible also.

[Clark4VotingRights]

74. He faked the Loch Ness Monster pics.

Bastard.

[QC]

77. Clark bough the Elephant Man's skeleton from Michael Jackson!

[hellhathnofury]

79. I heard Clark takes Belgian babies from their mothers and tosses them into

enourmous bonfires.

The Hun most be stopped before Paris!

[QC]

80. CLARK ATTENDED A "SLEEPOVER" AT NEVERLAND!!

[snyttri]

81. Clark was the director of the Dean tapes

[Leilani]

83. During Watergate

Clark was really Deep Throat

[Fahrenheit911]

86. You know those plastic bits at the end of shoelaces?

He invented those (they're called aglets)