Nader polling at 8%...

[ButterflyBlood]

among past supporters:

http://theonion.com/

hilarious blurb on the front.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. lol, you're a jerk.

[cheezus]

2. text

Nader Polling At 8 Percent Among Past Supporters
WASHINGTON, DC—A CNN/Gallup poll released Monday shows that 8 percent of those who voted for presidential candidate Ralph Nader in the 2000 election will vote for him again in 2004. "Americans feel it's time for an end to corporate-controlled government, or at least 1/12th of those who voted for me in 2000 do," Nader said, addressing a handful of supporters scattered throughout a lecture hall at Georgetown University. "Don't be satisfied with politics as usual. That is my message to those who voted for me four years ago. Get back with the team." Nader said that 230,000 votes, while nowhere near enough to win, might be sufficient to muck up another election.

[Lilli]

3. I like this even better:

BAGHDAD—After 19 months of struggle in Iraq, U.S. military officials conceded a loss to Iraqi insurgents Monday, but said America can be proud of finishing "a very strong second."

[RaleighNCDUer]

4. Damn! Ya got me!

[The Magistrate]

5. Once Again, Sir, 'The Onion' Commits Serious Journalism

Probably in self-defense: in such an absurd reality, it is impossible to commit satire otherwise....

"LET'S GO GET THOSE BUSH BASTARDS!"