If I were writing bush's Naval Fitness Report

[BOSSHOG]

Professional Knowledge: Marginal knowledge of (job). Unable to apply knowledge to solve routine problems.

Quality of Work: Wasteful of resources. Needs constant supervision

Military Bearing: Unsatisfactory demeanor. Fails to live up to one or more of the Navy Core Values, HONOR, COURAGE, COMMITMENT

Initiative: Avoids responsibility

Teamwork: Creates conflicts, unwilling to work with others, puts self above team

Leadership: Fails to motivate or develop subordinates; does not set or achieve goals relevant to command mission; lacks ability to cope with stress; tolerates hazards; does not attend to welfare of subordinates.

ACTUAL GUIDANCE BULLETS FOR A SAILOR BELOW STANDARDS. I WROTE THEM FOR YEARS. bush's WOULD BE A DOOZY, HOWEVER EASILY WRITTEN. THE REAL GOOD SAILORS AND THE REAL BAD SAILORS ARE SO EASY TO DEFINE IN WRITING.

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

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[MADem]

2. Let's write the summary now!

You know the drill for a bad report--put some positive language in there, so the dummy doesn't realize how badly he is being screwed.

pResident Bush has astounding difficulty completing the most elementary of tasks. When challenged with responsibility, he shirks it enthusiastically. He boldly carries out his duties to his exclusive satisfaction, leaving others to do the HARD WORK. When tasked with ensuring that Iraqi ammunition did not fall into the hands of the enemy, he failed with unstinting bravado. Excels at prevarication, obfuscation, and mendacity--top ranked in these areas, second to none. This pResident is best noted for his emulation of freedom, and should be on the march from Washington to Crawford -- at the very earliest opportunity. This man's promotion potential is positively negligable!

[BOSSHOG]

4. Another kiss of death on a FITREP

"Typically effective Officer."

My all time favorite fitrep/eval bullet: (which has nothing to do with bush or his performance)

STAUNCH SUPPORTER OF TWO NAVY BALLS.

[MADem]

6. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That was PANTWETTINGLY FUNNY...!

It's like that old Brit joke one: This officer has employed HMS Resolute to transport his genitalia from port to port, and my officers to steady him from bar to bar!

[NewYorkerfromMass]

3. kick

[Redleg]

5. Writing Bush's report would be easy- getting Bush to improve his

performance would be damned hard since he won't admit that he is a fuck-up.