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These are some awards I'd like to see bestowed upon three of the most vile and divisive figures to come onto the political scene since Joe McCarthy. Not the funniest satire from this website, www.RealStupidNews.com, but danged if Limbaugh, Hannity, and Boortz don't deserve this kind of unkind treatment...just like they dish it out.
Right Wing Talk Radio Dominates RealStupid 'Body Part' Awards
11/20/04 JOTEMDOWN, Georgia
Ever since RealStupidNews went online just over a year ago, we've been celebrating the fine individuals who make up America's elite. Whether liberal or conservative, politician or entertainer, we've made it our mission to shine a jaundiced spotlight on those who've reached the pinnacle of American culture.
Today, we're proud to present the second annual RealStupid Body Part Awards, dedicated to memorializing America's finest.
Right wing talk radio hosts take home awards in all three Body Part categories this year: the coveted Highnose Award, presented to America's most arrogant celebrity; the Three Finger Award, presented to her greatest hypocrite; and our newest category, the Dingleberry Award, presented to the American who most closely resembles "a piece of feces caught in the hair around the anus."
And so, without further ado, our choices for the 2004 RealStupid Body Part Awards:
The Highnose Award goes to a man whose arrogance and pomposity are legend. His dedication to demeaning and ridiculing his political opponents and his reliance on the basest forms of persuasive speech truly make him a seminal figure in the downfall of American political discourse.
We are deeply impressed with his mastery of glibness and his relentless attack on all things progressive. We're also amazed at his striking resemblance to a young Joe McCarthy. But above all, we stand in awe of his cockiness, self absorption, and his dismissive attitude, all of which have made him one of the most hated figures to ever enter the public sphere.
Therefore, we find that the most arrogant celebrity in the nation, who follows in the footsteps of last year's winner, Mrs. Hillary Clinton, is none other than Mr. Sean Hannity. Congratulations, Sean!
The Three Finger Award goes to a man whose hypocrisy knows no bounds. This is a man who accuses liberal political cartoonists of racism and depravity even as his own newsletter routinely depicts liberal political figures in the most insulting ways imaginable. This is a man who refers repeatedly to his "formerly nicotine-stained fingers" even as he puffs on a trademark cigar.
But most impressively, this is a man who has long advocated the imprisonment of citizens who use drugs illegally even as he nurses a narcotics addiction so severe that it has literally cost him his hearing. We figure, what's good for the goose-stepper is good for the gander.
And so, we find that the most blatant hypocrite in America, who stands on the shoulders of last year's winner, Mr. William Bennett, is the "highly" influential king of talk radio, Mr. Rush Limbaugh. Way to go, Rush!
Last but not least, the newly-minted Dingleberry Award goes to a man whose insensitivity and spitefulness would make Hitler blush. Who but a true dingleberry would make light of dozens of innocent skiers being killed when an American military jet clipped an Italian ski lift cable and sent them plummeting to unimaginably horrific deaths; our winner, rather than feeling ashamed or apologetic, congratulated the American pilot for his skill at "making lasagne." Who but a true dingleberry would laugh at the deaths of over three dozen innocent Muslims killed when another American military plane accidentally bombed a wedding party in western Iraq; again, rather than sympathizing with the victims of this tragedy, our winner gleefully labeled the incident "A Wedding and Forty Funerals." The "ugly American" has never been more so.
And who but a true dingleberry would use his syndicated radio talk show to insult and humiliate a thirteen-year-old girl, Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm, and nearly her life, in a shark attack?
That is why we find that the American who most closely resembles a piece of feces caught in the hair around the anus (and we apologize to dingleberries the world over for the comparison) is Mr. Neal Boortz, whom we'd gladly call an a$$hole except for the fact that the human anus is a necessary and useful organ. Good work, Neal!
And so, dear readers, in the spirit of spite that pervades the work of all three gentlemen, and sadly, the better part of the talk radio industry, we present the Highnose, the Three Finger, and the Dingleberry to Sean "Me Me Me Me" Hannity; Rush "the Teflon Junkie" Limbaugh; and Neal "Bobblehead" Boortz, respectively.
May each of you enjoy your just rewards, in this life or the next, as well as a congratulatory phone sex call from Bill O'Reilly and a visit this Christmas from the Ghost of Demagogues Past, the late Senator Joseph McCarthy.
©2004 www.RealStupidNews.com
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