Funny a friend just sent me - Letter to the Red States (sorry if old)

[Debi]

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's,we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope
with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe
Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is
sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Too bad I live in Iowa - that means I'm now a Red Stater...:cry:

[getmeouttahere]

1. I like most of this...

except Red voters would never serve French wine...and I don't like that dirt weed from Mexico comment at all

[Debi]

4. I don't like the single mothers comment as well

but I thought I'd be called on taking editorial license if I changed it (hey, maybe I could get a job with the administration??!!)

[BlueEyedSon]

2. reminds me of this one

http://www.fuckthesouth.com/

[Debi]

3. Funny...but very angry n/t

[Clark2008]

5. Not funny.

Devisive, though.

:eyes:


~Blue in a Red State

[stevans_41902]

6. I think they make some good points in the anti-south website,

but too many "f**ks" for my taste. I like the idea of moving to the coast, but there are some really good blue cities in even the reddest states. University of Kansas (Lawrence) is a really good school even though most of the state is made up of backwards religious nuts.

[marions ghost]

7. this supports the fiction

of Blue States vs. Red States. We don't need these polarizing stereoypes. Not if we're going to overcome those who would divide and conquer us.

NOT funny. :-(

[TroglodyteScholar]

8. Have mercy!

Why on EARTH would anyone stick us lefty red-staters with the dirt weed? We need the good stuff WAY more than you guys...Look at all the nonsense we have to put up with! (see letter)

Really, though, blue states and red states don't exist. My county went to Kerry. Don't feed this notion -- because this administration will, in turn, feed on how divided we are as a people. They rule with fear and conflict. What say we show we're better than that.......

[Debi]

9. Okay, okay, okay

:spank:

What I thought was glib humor must not be it must be a rovian tool used to continue us on down this divisive path.

I will try harder not to post pieces that will rile anyone here. :eyes:

[TayTay]

10. And my town in MA went to *

We are all various shades of purple.