Tests Reveal Bill Frist Also Has Half-Sized Brain

[IChing]

The headaches were chronic and excruciating, literally incapacitating Tennessee Senator Bill Frist for hours at a time. The Republican Senate Majority Leader had first begun to experience these migraine-like headaches after the results of Terri Schiavo's autopsy were released, which sparked a wave of fierce criticism. Though stress was suspected of being the culprit, Dr. Frist was admitted to the George Washington University Hospital to undergo a series of neurological tests. The results were shocking.

"Neurological tests conducted on Senator Frist indicate massive cerebral atrophy," announced Dr. William Salinger. "His brain is roughly half the size of a normal human brain. The damage is severe and irreversible."
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Dr. Farnsworth further explained how Frist's unique position in the upper echelon of the Republican Party hierarchy allowed him not only to remain conscious but also to ostensibly function as a competent lawmaker.

"The dogmatic ideology of the Republican Party allows Senator Frist to respond to even the most complex sociopolitical issues with a series of classically conditioned responses," said Dr. Farnsworth. "The unyielding party line of the GOP focuses his very limited brain power on rote platitudes and narrow opinions uncomplicated by higher-brain functions like logic or reason. Nevertheless, we should keep in mind that he is, without question, a medical miracle, a functioning mental invalid. It is truly remarkable."

>>>snip

the whole terrible medical report for our majority leader
is here: http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i8503

[sunnystarr]

1. Thanks for my Sunday chuckle :) (nt)

[IChing]

2. Thanks, more from the sad medical report

While doctors agree there is no way to pinpoint exactly what caused such massive damage to Senator Frist's Brain, an unimpeachable medical authority, Dr. Emil Farnsworth, a renowned neuropathologist at the Mayo Clinic, has offered a diagnosis.

"Based on a review of video footage which I spent an hour looking at last night in my office," explained Dr. Farnsworth, "the deterioration of Senator Frist's brain was a slow, painstaking process of neurological atrophy that occurred as the Senator gradually abandoned the exercise of basic cognitive activities in order to squeeze within the zealously circumscribed framework of political advancement."

[Algorem]

3. I've seen him on video,I diagnose him as someone who should just drop

dead already.

[undeterred]

4. I agree with your assessment.

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

[acmejack]

5. Indeed, he has no heart!

How he lives is a mystery. Could he be of the undead?

[AlCzervik]

6. i'm not a professional video diagnoser like Frist but i have to agree

with that assessment.