Fiance in the military

[Debau2005]

I do have to wonder who we are going to make a marriage work when we don't see eye to eye on anything political, social, etc. *sigh*

He is currently deployed overseas, we are able to talk through Voice Over IP. Tonight we fought for 2 hours about the benefits of the Iraq conflict. He is not currently in that part of the world, for which I am grateful. He is a true Republican, able to skew the facts to what he "knows" is true.

Thanks to all of you for being here to remind me that I am not the only one that believes in dignity and respect for all life, not just white, American Christians.

*sigh*

[Book Lover]

1. If you don't see eye to eye on anything

why are you marrying each other? I ask this as a woman married for nearly 15 years.

[Debau2005]

3. I know!

My best friend is not exactly a fan any longer either. I am thinking long and hard about what I want my future to be. I love him VERY much. I am also concerned that we will never be able to get away from the military while the current administration is in power.

*sigh*

I wonder if there are any statistics on how many relationships fail.

[Book Lover]

7. I hate to sound like a crotchety aunt, but

love is only one part of a long-term relationship. Without it, your marriage is dead, but with it and nothing else (few shared interests, few opinions in common), your marriage can be hell. Someone below suggested counseling; even if your deployed fiance can't be part of it, obviously, you can go.

on edit: :hug: for you and :hug: for him. I bet anything you'll make the best decision for you both.

[noamnety]

5. That a really good question

Do you really want to marry someone who doesn't share your basic values?

You might want to do some counseling before moving ahead with that, to figure out some coping strategies (for both of you) for accepting what sounds like a huge difference in world views. If the plan is to marry him, and then change him, that's not the best plan. If his plan is to change you, and you know it's not going to happen, (or disregard your opinion as not important) that's going to be a problem as well.

[roguevalley]

2. Hugs, honey. Think long and hard here. Politics, religion and money

are the big three relationship killers. I hope he's fine and you too but it sounds like this is going to be a MAJOR stumbler. You have no kids now I am guessing. Now is the time to think hard on this because later on it will affect more than just you perhaps. Anyway it goes, hugs to you.

[Debau2005]

6. Speaking of money

Wait til he sees my debt! haha

[The Blue Flower]

4. Former military wife

I have to ask whether you've thought through what it's like being a military wife. It's a different culture, one in which your husband is not the head of the household--his command is. You have no home of your own, and can expect to leave behind friends and support systems at least once every three years. I lived that life for 14 years. Unless you feel committed to the military, it's very difficult to put up with all that you must for the sake of his career.

[Debau2005]

8. He was called off the IRR list.

I had hopes that he would be home by now. But the military's idea of 18 months is a tad different then mine.

I do have a lot of soul searching to do. I am using this time apart to do that. I had not thought of counseling but that is a great idea. If he will not go that will tell me a lot about his level of committment to me.

[Debau2005]

9. THANK YOU ALL

I needed the hugs and thoughts tonight. I am not a weepy woman!, (usually) ;)
The affirmations and words of wisdom will NOT go un-heeded.

[jody]

10. If he is committed to the military as a career and you aren't, then

the prospects are not very good for a marriage. It also sounds like you have little in common with politics, an issue which can further stress a marriage. I wish you the very best but perhaps you should thing seriously about your future before you marry and perhaps have children.

My experience suggests you and he need to have a frank discussion before marriage. I believe the best marriages are those where wife and husband both view the arrangement as a "lifetime commitment" not a "long term commitment".

Just a little fatherly/grandfatherly advice!

[lachattefolle]

11. I know people who are married with totally different viewpoints...

it kind of depends on how hard headed each one of you are. My husband is in the military but is a liberal like me. He's been in the military for 28 years, and will retire (fingers crossed) next year. Like lots of kids these days, he signed up because the other options were very limited.
For myself, if we didn't agree on most political and social issues, I would have gotten a divorce instead of being married for 21 years. But then, I am extremely opinionated and have cut my ties to my one remaining freeper sister. The other one saw the light several years ago. Only you can decide whether this guy is worth the trouble! Good luck.