The all-encompassing candidate negativity thread

[jpgray]

Clark--Voted Republican (picked some winners, though). Was on the boards of some defense contractors. Praised Bush and Blair on their leadership in the war's aftermath. Is a secret Republican plant pushed on us by Hillary and Bill Clinton in conjunction with the media who are so friendly with the Clintons, and of course the DLC is involved and so is that creepy guy Richard Perle and it IS ALL A MEDIA CONSPIRACY, EVEN THOUGH HE'S GETTING GORED!!! RUN AWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN. Wore an argyle sweater, which proves he is mad/out of touch (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment).

Dean--Quite potty environmental/corporate record. Private meetings with top contributors. Sealed his records for political reasons. Rolls up his sleeves and is--*gasp*--excited. Has supporters who are--*gasp*--excited by their candidate. Secretly they are cultists who slaughter a calf every night and anoint Dean with the blood while feeding him its still-beating heart. Plus his wife isn't a trophy-esque bimbo--what gives? (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment)

Edwards (haven't fully researched this chap)--Claimed a positive campaign while handing out attack guides in Iowa. Launching to a presidential bid before finishing a single term in the Senate. Mentions his dad was a mill worker about 5,789 times in each state. Is too young and inexperienced at 50 (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment).

Kerry--Likely political motivations for IWR vote. L-O-N-G voting record with some dirt in it for anyone who digs. Every positive thing he's done is *always* turned around on him: Vietnam, medal-throwing; 2000 Gore support, teacups; BCCI/Iran-contra, dude--he didn't get the Bushes; incredibly long liberal voting record (more so than Kennedy), three to five BAD votes; League of Conservation Voters endorsement for best environmental record, dude--he's an INSIDER and therefore corporatist!!! And finally--SKULL AND BONES!!!! HOLY CHRIST! OHMYGOSHLOOKOUT! Is being pushed on us by the media, who declared his candidacy dead just to fool us! Plus his hair is $200 and he looks French and may have had plastic surgery--plus he is carcinogenic! (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment)

Kucinich--Uh, er... the flag amendment? He looks funny (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment).

Lieberman--Can't lift the file to open it. Even the file's binding is balding (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment).

Sharpton--Tawana, anyone? At least his mullet can't be called "rednecky" (obligatory Maureen Dowd comment).


--Feel free to add you own accusations, however baseless and contradictory, here.

[Old and In the Way]

1. Yes, I think that about smears it.

LOL....sums up things nicely, I think.

[feckerman]

2. How did you break into Carl Rove's lair?

[WilliamPitt]

3. All of them - ALL OF THEM -

eat kittens.

[VelmaD]

6. Yes...but do they...

"kill" kittens? ;-)

[jpgray]

8. I submit a non-red Pyrex container is plain *wrong*. (nt)

[spooky3]

10. so cute!!!!

[Renew Deal]

4. Kucinich is a PNAC plant

here to disrupt the Democratic party by taking out Dean. I am sure Bill Krystol is proud.

[WhoCountsTheVotes]

5. You forgot the major Kucinich scandal!

Kucinich *poses* as this 100% pure working class pro America liberal candidate, but the REAL Dennis Kucinich? He's a slick politican that makes delegate trades with DLC members! So much for all the purity! I bet Kucinich even shares meals with the pro-war people. Also, I know for a fact that Dennis Kucinich has in fact spoken to Republicans - AND call some of them friends.

Dennis Kucinich - he may be honest, consistent, correct, and progressive - but underneath it all he's a slick politician that has managed to get re-elected many times - with help from Republicans!!!

[jpgray]

7. LOL--how could I forget?

Kucinich's secret and treacherous Edwards blood pact reveals him as the DLC dark horse poised to fall on his sword for Clintonite interests? I think I got it right. :)

[question everything]

9. I thought that Kucinich is in the race to find a wife... n/t

[spooky3]

11. Edwards has insincere hair, Sharpton's mom wears Army boots...

...Kucinich uses his sleeve instead of a hankie, Clark puts the knife into the jelly after dipping it into the peanut butter, Dean cheated off his wife's papers in med school, Kerry once shopped at a consignment store, Lieberman washes delicates in hot water.

How can they have a chance against *?

[shoopnyc123]

12. Yo,Spooky, THAT was funny! eom

[spooky3]

15. thanks, shoopnyc123!

[IndianaGreen]

13. Kerry only pays $75 for his haircut, not $200

He should go to Great Cuts and get the $7 special.

[jpgray]

14. "One JFK francophile pompadour, if you please" (nt)