Karl Rove dies, Satan's approval rating hits record high (Parody)

[Ian_rd]

Hello All! This is your periodic fake BBC article featuring a fake event. The full text is below.

http://www.republicandictionary.com/article_fake_bbc_rove.shtml

Karl Rove dies, Satan's approval rating hits record high

Karl Rove, President Bush's chief political advisor, died at the age of 55 Tuesday evening from what many are calling a freak accident.

While entering the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C. to speak at a fundraising event attended by business leaders, an Iraq War veteran landed on Rove from above, killing him instantly.

"This is a sad day for our nation and freedom-loving people all over the world," said John Meyer of Bechtel Corporation, who had planned on attending the event before it was cancelled after the incident.

According to witnesses, the former soldier, whose name is not yet released pending notification to his family, jumped from the top of the 11-story hotel in an apparent suicide. A source close to the soldier told the BBC that he was suffering from an extreme case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after returning from Iraq and had been unable to receive treatment.

Satan's approval rating skyrockets

Soon after Rove's death, a poll taken of over 1,000 condemned souls in the Unholy Kingdom of Hell showed that 51% of Hell's residents approve of the way Satan is handling his job. This is the first time in the history of Hell that Satan has enjoyed a majority approval rating from his subjects.

Since his arrival late Tuesday night, Rove has been a fixture at Satan's side and has attended several meetings with his staff. In less than twenty-four hours, the Father of Lies has delivered more press conferences and aired more television ads than ever before in such a short amount of time.

"People are finally waking up to reality," said Adolf Hitler, former dictator of Nazi Germany and relative newcomer to Hell. "People in Hell don't want pansy Liberals like God coddling the poor and weak. People around here are getting exactly what they deserve, and they appreciate that."

Bill Rector, a Hell resident of 112 years, agreed.

"All Satan wants is for people to have a little personal responsibility, that's all," said Rector as he was having his skin peeled off by Torture Demon Buzzeglethurn Painwave.

"I mean, sure, I lived a life of complete honesty and hard work until I masturbated one day when my wife was visiting her family in America. Now I'm getting what I deserve - for all eternity!"

A new political message

A new message of optimism and hope from Satan is a stark departure from his earlier proclamations of eternal death and suffering. One of the new television ads currently being aired features the Prince of Evil walking among condemned souls, shaking hands and kissing unbaptized babies.

"It's sad, but it works," said Lee Atwater, former Republican political strategist and 14-year resident of Hell.

"I did my best to repent on my death bed, but it was too late for me. Karl Rove, on the other hand, is just picking up where he left off and seems to be enjoying every minute."

Atwater was unavailable for further comment as his testicles has just grown back over the past twenty-four hours and was scheduled to have them eaten off by a rabid wolf, a daily event for the former political consultant.

Rove issued a brief public statement Wednesday afternoon from the upscale neighborhood Perdition Heights. Speaking near the lake of fire in front of his home, a newly constructed mansion built from the bones of Iraqi women and children, Rove addressed the very large condemned press corps.

"Satan has not changed his message in any way whatsoever. I just think that patriotic souls are coming to the realization that we all need to stand behind our Dark Lord in these trying times and trust in his word."

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[mark11727]

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