Honing the candidates' messages...

[ConservativeDemocrat]

As a writer, I appreciate brevity. So with all the blah-blah going around, I thought it would be nice to hone each of the primary candidates' messages. If you disagree with mine, post your own.

(Please note: :-) for the humor-impaired)

Clark: "Voters like Generals."

Lieberman: "No, they like anti-Arab hawks."

Sharpton: "No. They really like bl-- Aw, who the hell am I kidding?"

Kucinich: "Kidding? I'm serious! Department of Peace! That'll win!"

Edwards: "Uh, guys? I actually won in the South. Without really even saying anything!"

Kerry: "I would like to say, without undue labor, that voters are looking for a candidate with a long record of mild accomplishment. A safe choice, who will lead this nation by following - following the path of least resistance. And who is, unlike my chief rival, going to tell voters that they can have their cake and eat it too, or more precisely, that they can keep their tax cut, have a balanced budget, and have a bunch of new programs, even though everybody knows that's impossible. In summary, voters tend to select candidates very much like our current President: someone who has difficulty with speech (although in my case it's more like just the ability to come to a point in under five minutes), and ruthlessly panders and exaggerates on budgetary and other issues, as I have done quite successfully for my entire career. Yes. This is the legacy of my generation! And I am quite positive that the media will give me the same free-pass on budgetary issues in the general election that they give Bush, because they're not biased or anything."

Dean: "Eeeeaaaarrrgh! I can't believe I'm loosing to this guy!"


- C.D.

p.s. Add a kick if you like this.

[Ramsey]

1. Very good!

Thanks for the giggles! :-)