"Why Did My Mom Have To Die" - ( for Cindy )

[neonplaque]

The biggest ass whooping I ever avoided was by using the question "Why Did My Mom Have To Die?". Totally disarmed my father at a confused and shy youth of 11 years of age as he was preparing to, for the first time, beat me with a belt. He walked out of my room and didn't come home that night. To reference, my "mom" died when I was 17 months old of Lukemia. Step-mom has never measured up cause she is too concerned with her OWN children in the marriage.

I turn 38 next week. I don't care anymore. I'm gay and I've always been gay ( earliest references go back to the age of 6 ). Fuck anyone who questions me. I'm done. I stand now. I would have been 'gay' if Mom lived, but I don't have 'Mom' to comfort in... but it's all good. God it hurt like fucking hell to tell my dad. I had to drink until I should have been on a morticians slab. In fact, some else had to actually tell me I did it because I didn't recall telling him.

I'm done. I hate what Bush has done to this country. I hate that 11 States demonized 'gay, lesbians, and bisexuals' with constitutional rulings.

YOU FUCKING SELF RIGHTIOUS HATEFUL BIGOTS!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!

You know what you did? You ENCOURGED ME to "come out" and be honest with myself and to my family. You Loose. I WIN!! I'm fucking honest with myself and the people I love. You still lie and warp the truth!

....

Sorry, to get off on a rant there. I'm done with all of these chickenhawks and moral values crap preachers. GOD DAMN, you ALL SUCK.


Cindy, FOR ME, you go girl! Please just hold it together and fight these f*ckers. I'm sitting hear with tears streaming down my face because I have no power alone... but you have that power. I give it to you. Go. Fight. End this madness.

My donation:

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At age 38 (next Monday) I finally 'came out' to my family... and mostly due to the bravery of Cindy. Keep her kicked and toss a few bucks into the till at the Crawford Peace House.

I'm so tired. Kick this for me, please?

DONATE UNTIL IT HURTS!... THIS IS YOUR DAY AND THIS IS YOUR TIME. JUST DO IT. I WON'T ENTERTAIN ANOTHER LIE FROM THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION.

Open your heart tied to your wallet/checkbook. Send down to Crawford the cash to make sure the message is heard. $5, $10, $20, $50, or $500. Open you heart and do it., please.

Monetary donations are needed and can be sent to:
Crawford Peace House
P.O. Box 710218
Dallas, Tx. 75371-0218
http://www.crawfordpeacehouse.org/

Hit www.crawfordpeacehouse.org to donate via Paypal. Thanks.


.. sorry for the ranting. I just so need someone to vent too.

[katinmn]

1. Yes, neonplaque!

What Cindy has started is more than about the war, so much more.

It's about taking our country back lock, stock and barrel!

Congrats on telling your dad.:hug:

:yourock:

Great rant, too.

[neonplaque]

9. OMG, telling dad sucked.

He voted for Bush even with all the reasons I gave him not to. :(

[DanCa]

2. Gives Neonplaque a hug

Have a great early birthday. It'd be okay I think the tied turning.

[Fridays Child]

3. Vent/rant all you want...

Cindy has had a galvanizing effect on all of us. And I have a feeling that, if you had said these things directly to her, you would have gotten a hell of a mom's hug from her.

Here's a :hug: from this mom.

[neonplaque]

10. your right.

I can see in her what a "mom" is. jealous a bit.

[koopie57]

4. I'm glad you let it out

and I'm glad I was able to share in it. I didn't read it all cuz it really hurt .. I could feel your pain. I will read it all, but I could feel too much hurt and pain right now to do so.

I feel sad cuz when I close my eyes I can see your life ... the confusion, the anger, the loneliness. Yet I know I don't understand it.

[Ken Burch]

5. I had tears in my eyes by the time I finished reading that.

Take care, Neonplaque. May your life be free of all further suffering. May your family do the right thing and support you.

And victory to Cindy, as well.

[neonplaque]

14. it's not THAT hard to read

Have a sister and brother who were hard-core Dean supporters. Great minds think alike... :) It;s going to take Dad a little while to adjust, but I'm pretty sure he will never again blindly vote for another Repulican candidate. :)

[koopie57]

15. well maybe your story

parillels other's stories

which might cause pain in the lives of that other person

[Ken Burch]

28. I meant that as a good thing, neonplague.

Anyway, I'll get a check to Cindy on Monday.

[KyndCulture]

6. oh my god.. that was beautiful....

this is bring us all together in ways I didn't even have hope for!

[NightOwwl]

7. Rant away neonplaque!

You have our love and support. :hug:

Nominated and kicked! :kick:

[marew]

8. Don't apologize. Rant all you want.!

The neocons respect nothing and no one. I am so sorry that you have to experience those painful feelings. You have lots of friends here. Gosh, I'd go crazy without this board. Take care of yourself, okay? Sending good wishes.

[ngGale]

11. Cindy is giving all of us hope ....

and the will to fight to get our country back.

Beautiful post, Neonplaque - you are with friend's here.:grouphug:

[neonplaque]

12. amplify it!

Cindy's charge gives me strength. Let's amplify it!

[Bluerthanblue]

23. YES- the power of ONE self

and your voice adds to the strength - thank you too.

lOUDER!!!

[roguevalley]

13. hugs, sweetie. You have family here.

[newswolf56]

16. I am not gay (though once I thought I might be), and I come from...

a savagely dysfunctional family, so I surely have tasted of your anguish. May you find a forever home here -- a home that transcends the loneliness of that solitary depths-of-darkness keyboard...

(which I know all too well)

[FuzzyDicePHL]

17. Congratulations

on your new freedom. You are a hero IMO; the more of us that stand up -- in whatever way -- the closer we come to creating a world where we're all treated fairly and don't have to be ashamed of who we are.

You rock.

[nookiemonster]

18. Count me in your corner.

Coming from a guy who used to throw around the words "faggot" and "queer" without a second thought.

I used to be so blind and I'm truly sorry.

[Nordmadr]

19. I want to second this comment.

I have always been what I considered liberal and progressive, yet I did not have a great deal of comfort with gay people. I was not overtly biased, but uncomfortable. I am 32 years old now, and my attitude began to change about 6 years ago. For me, it changed I guess when I no longer felt threatened, when I became mature enough and comfortable enough to know myself.

I have gay friends now. They like to test my boundaries and see how far my comfort levels go, sometimes a little too far, but I usually feel that is a good thing. It is almost like they are trying to determine..."Is he really ok with us being gay or just pretending"? They are great, caring people that have thad their lives greatly impacted due to their sexuality. I think it makes them tough in a way, and it wounds them too.

It comes down to love and emotional bonds.

It comes down to lives of consenting people.

It comes down to repsect.

Cindy Sheehan draws upon that same respect aspect. That woman DEMANDS repsect. She DESERVES respect. You can not avoid this fight Mr. Bush. She has tapped into an emotional undercurrent in this country Georgie, and she will NOT be ignored.

I donated and sent a letter. Everyone should do the same.

Olaf

Edited for clarity.

[Bluerthanblue]

21. third me in

and please forgive me for embracing the fundementalist agenda of the riecht religion.- it never 'set' quite comfortably in my spirit, but i kept telling myself, 'it's in the bible'-

and thank YOU for having the courage to be just who you are, and for pointing out how Cindy's campaign has touched us all in more ways than we know. WE are 'the people' and we are ALL important, worthy, equal and valuable, not because we are 'entitled' but because we ARE. Human BE ings.

an ex-fundie, ex-drinker, ex-drugger, ex-victim, ex-smoker
currently fully alive, awake, and aware- fellow be-ing
blu.

strength, courage, and comfort to you- you ARE brave, worthy, and wonderfully made- exactly as you are.

(and don't let anyone put words in god's mouth- if god is who god is said to be, there is no need for 'mans' interference with any 'messages' you might need to hear- Jesus spoke truth to power 'the religious rulers'- and man hated him for it)

[DistressedAmerican]

20. Very Moving Post! Way To Go On ALL Counts!

I will be there supporting her next weekend!

You Rock and Big Hug!

[Puglover]

22. Neon

Very moving and heartfelt post. I PROMISE you that coming out will be a liberating and empowering experience for you. Actually it sounds as if you already know that.

[npincus]

24. thanks- you have inspired me

you are a brave guy and all you are asking for is what everyone is entitled to. I (and so many others) are with you. Look ahead, don't look back and keep the faith.

I have donated to Cindy, too- thanks for the link.

Peace.

[corkhead]

25. I am glad to see fighting dems!

I think we need more like you
Thanks for sharing

:kick:

[johannes1984]

26. 't is but bravery

that gets you to where you are today ,
and no matter how fine the suit , or how big the recolection of biblical anecdotes they'll always be meek excuses for humans when en face of you .

May fortune work at your behest ...you more than deserve it if i had anything to do with it


With much awe and respect .

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

27. Happy Birthday !

I'll be 58 on MOnday and just sent money to Peace House too. These donations are our gifts to ourselves !!