Boxcar Pud Acuff: Iraq And Other Disasters

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Iraq And Other Disasters
by: Boxcar Pud Acuff, Country Crooner
www.RepublicanPress.com

Lord have mercy, I was just a sittin' here thinkin' - ponderin' if you will - 'bout all the stuff that could go wrong for President Bush, and I reckon it did. I reckon that Iraq ain't goin' quiet into that good night - like that poem that poet wrote - and I reckon too that another big-ass hurricane just hit in the Gulf of Mexico. It just seems to be goin' the wrong way for a feller with morals and values like President Bush.

President Bush said that he would be the CEO of the country - you know, like them big fellers that run them big companies - he would delegate. What does delegate mean, you ask? Well sir, the best I can fingure is it means that you put the work on somebody else. I reckon when you boil it all down, or when you add it all up, or get down to the bottom of it - really any cliche' will do - President Bush is like most CEOs, he's detached.


Detached, now there is a word for you. I reckon detached means to be seperated, disconnected, despotic, and maybe even aloof. I really don't know what detached means or any of them other words, but I do know that me and my ex-wife Pussy Willow Acuff hadn't diddled in quite a long time. So, I guess a feller can say that me and Pussy are detached, 'cause we ain't been 'tached in a long time.

Up here in Tennessee - or down here if y'all is above us - we voted for President Bush, 'cause he is one of us. Well, kinda like us I reckon. I mean, President Bush talks that Southern talk like us and he uses them metaphors, or as former Georgia Senator Zell Miller calls it, " Met-a-fer". We southerners like to use alot of metaphors when we communicate with each other. I don't know why we do, but I reckon we do.

"He's as dumb as a bunch of rocks laying in a pile of shit!" That is an example of metaphoric communication. Hell, we don't even know who he is, and really and truely, do we really know if rocks are stupid? I mean, I don't reckon there has been any research done on the learnin' capacity of a rock. And, another thing, what does laying in a pile of poop have to do with anything? Shoot, we might find out years later that a pile of poop might cure a feller. I mean. . . .ah, . . .ah, . .well shit, I don't know what I mean! I reckon I have went and digressed from the point of this here column.

The point of this column is that President Bush is being blamed for things that are a going on in the world. You take that there war over yonder in Iraq. Sure, President Bush sent our boys and girls over yonder. Sure, President Bush said that there were WMDs over yonder. Sure, there wasn't any WMDs. Sure, President Bush declared victory in the first month we were there. Sure, we are still there a fightin'. Sure, somebody lied to us. Sure, we could blame President Bush, but didn't he tell us that he was the CEO of the country? I mean, he is detached from the war...you know? So, how can we blame a man for doing the very thing he said he was going to do? After all, he is detached.

Then, you take that hurricane Katrina. Lordy, she went and blew them dykes down in New Orleans. Well, I reckon when dykes fail then the floodin' starts. And, I reckon it did. President Bush was on vacation when Katrina hit - come to think of it, President Bush has been on vacation a lot - so, I reckon he didn't get the news. And, I reckon they don't have newspapers down there in Crawford neither, 'cause he has always said he don't read no newspapers! He didn't worry 'bout what Katrina would do - I reckon, Crawford is one place where a man can get away from everything and just clear brush.
So, President Bush was detached from the efforts of Katrina. But, when everybody started screamin' for help they started blaming President Bush, 'cause he was detached. Once again, it is kinda like me and my ex-wife Pussy WIllow Acuff. We've been d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d 6 times from each other, and the last time we diddled was when we remarried the fifth time. So, that lasted 'bout 3 months and we got a d-i-v-o-r-c-e for
the sixth time. We ain't 'tached since then.......

Well, I reckon Iraq and other Disasters are goin' to ruin President Bush. I reckon the polls show his approval rating being somewhere near the bottom, and we all know that bottom is just another word for, "ASS". But, we can't blame President Bush for what he is, or ain't, a doing. No, 'cause he told us he wanted to run the White House like a CEO and he is. He's detached.

For those of you who can't get enough of Republican morals and values, my new albumn is out and some of the songs I wrote include:

Iraq and Other Disasters

Side One:
1. Iraq Voted Then Gave Us The Purple Finger
2. Them 'Raqis Don't Give A Shi'ite
3. Detached In Crawford
4. Katrina, Katrina, That Lady Can Blow
5. Iraq And Other Disasters

Side Two:
1. Sunnis And Kurds And Camel Turds
2. Guantanimo Jailhouse Blues
3. Damn Dykes In New Orleans Took A Licking
4. Show Me Your Tits, Kurd woman!
5. Floatin' Into The City Of New orleans




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