72 Virgins VS The Rapture

[noahmijo]

I was just thinking about this a moment ago in responding to another poster so let's say you choose the 72 virgin deal over the Rapture.

First where do the 72 virgins come from?

Will you be given a house big enough to keep them all inside and comfortable?

I mean there are only so many rooms you can keep Barry White playing to keep the mood up ya know?

The whole operations sounds like you'd need 20 rooms all with fireplaces and sound systems installed and where are you gonna get all that wine?

All of a sudden this 72 virgin thing doesn't sound so good anymore, and ever seen two people fight over one person? oh yea just imagine that 72 person love triangle goin on, pretty soon you'll be saying "Ya know maybe I should've picked the fundie flavor Christianity so I could just be raptured away to some unknown paradise...but what if that paradise is located in some place where you don't speak the language....What if it's cold and you forget to "rapture" a winter wardrobe with you?

Know what? every place I've been to that has been referred to as paradise has had most or all of the following things: high rent, high taxes, high prices, (is it true the vegetable soup in paradise costs $15 a bowl??) Plus the locals TOTALLY screw you on cab fare not to mention the shot glass and tshirt set that says "I've been to Paradise and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" costs 40 bucks! not to mention the "Made in China" sticker on them really makes you wonder...jeez even the Supreme Being has to outsource??? Why won't * give this guy a tax break?

What's worse what if every fundie you ever told off in your life is considered a high ranking official up there in paradise?

decisions decisions...

[ArkDem]

1. One or two virgins might be ok but I'm thinking after a while I'd

want to go with some experience.

[beyurslf]

2. Why are virgins the bets thing? I don't want to have to teach 72 people

how to find that one hot spot that really gets me going. Heaven is finding someone who knows how to do without you saying a word :)

[underpants]

10. Okay (claps hands loudly) Everyone get in here!!!

Okay I am only going to show you all this this one time so pay attention...

[Nikki Stone 1]

25. You're gonna need a curriculum and an overhead projector

with that many people.

Just sayin...

[damntexdem]

3. Come the Rapture ...

good riddance!

[Nikki Stone 1]

4. 72 male virgins?

Hmm....

I'd need to develop lesson plans. Maybe a standardized test.

The Rapture sounds terribly dull, however.

[swimboy]

9. I would be beside myself to find 72 females waiting for me.

Big disappointment!

[BlueEyedSon]

5. Same shit, different delusion!

[unrepuke]

6. 72 is first prize. 2nd prize is 100 of them.

[obreaslan]

7. You are right, it's a logistical nightmare. n/t.

:)

[MazeRat7]

8. Don't know about the virgins.. but the "Rapture" was made up....

By one John Nelson Darby (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Nelson_Darby) it not part of the Bible at all.. basically it was made up by this guy and has been "accepted" ever since.

Go figure....

Now if we can just get a handle on the virgins....(*grin so to speak)

MZr7

[underpants]

12. WOW I had never heard that before

Amazing

John Nelson Darby

and to think, he came up with while clearly recouperating from a concussion.

[MazeRat7]

19. The things you learn watching the History Channel... *grin. (n/t)

[ErisFiveFingers]

16. Virgins, raisins...

Whatever.

See:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,2763,631357,00.html

[MindPilot]

11. The 72 virgins thing sounds like a good idea on the surface

but what am I going to do on the second night?

Now I got 38 chicks who want to cuddle and spoon, 7 complain that I yelled out the wrong name, 6 want to move in, 5 were just trying to make their boyfriends jealous, 2 accuse me of date rape, 10 are pregnant, and 4 turned out to be inflatable dolls.

And for this I blew myself up?

[underpants]

13. LOL

You know they could be virgins for a reason .... I'm just saying.

[noahmijo]

31. LMAO

[LincolnMcGrath]

14. Virgins are highly overrated!

[C_U_L8R]

15. Where is that damn rapture ???

I'm praying along with all the dumb fundies
for that rapture to come ASAP.
Good lord.. please take these awful people away !!!!!!!

[kywildcat]

29. As I tell my fundie friends

Has it occurred to anyone that the rapture happened and Jesus didn't like them either.
personally, I'd like to stay around for the after party.

[The Stranger]

17. Matthew 25:1 "Then the kingdom of heaven will be like 10 virgins . . .

. . . who took their lamps and went out to meet the groom."

ONLY 10?!?!

[noahmijo]

18. PERFECT! any word yet if a No-Tel Motel runs any group discounts?

[PsychoDad]

20. If only I knew Arabic better.

Nothing in the Quran states that anyone gets 72 virgins, for this the proponents of the 72 virgin theory turn to Hadeeth.

What the Quran does say is "Verily, for the Muttaqun , there will be a success (paradise); gardens and grape yards; "WakawaAAiba", and a full cup (of wine)" (An-Naba 78:31-34).

Arabic words can have multiple meanings, and the word in contention here is "WakawaAAiba", found nowhere else in the Quran,so we can't contrast it with other uses, has been translated variously as "Large breasted virgins" to "pure companions".

Mind you, even though Muhammad (pbuh) states clearly that all the descriptions of paradise are for the most part allegorical and can barely touch the surface of the reality of existence in the afterlife free of the material chains which bind us to this reality, it is clear that the Islamic concept of the afterlife is one of sensual delight and wonder where we are surrounded by our friends, spouses, and companions while enjoying the gardens and delights of Jannah, or paradise. (this applies to both sexes, not just to men). The allegory was to provide to a people living in the desert with meager resources the idea of a paradise of gardens and palaces where there was no want or need, yet our eternity would be filled with pleasures shared with the ones we love.

or as Cecil Adams of The Straight Dope states:

"Even if we leave out the racy detail and make allowances for metaphor, we're obliged to admit that Islamic heaven is a pretty rockin' place, with an emphasis on sensual pleasures. The provision of virgins in indeterminate quantities is alluded to at numerous points, and you know they're not just there to fluff the pillows. (In fairness to the Prophet, the physical quality usually attributed to the houris, as they're called, is "wide lovely eyes.") The food, service, ambience., etc, are great. You're allowed to enjoy things the Koran explicitly denies you on earth, such as alcohol, and you won't even get sick. ("Wine . . . delicious to those who drink it . . . will neither dull their senses nor they will become drunk.") Granted, the whole thing is skewed toward the male idea of a good time, a defect by no means confined to Islam. Were Muhammad to found a religion today, I'm confident that each female arrival in heaven would be assigned a comely stud who would provide fabulous sex and in addition hang the curtain rods the first time he was asked. Granted, also, the emphasis on virgins is a little weird. (Think back on the first nights you've been party to. Was this your idea of great sex?) Still, you have to admit, heaven as Party Central sure beats the Christian idea of angels with harps."
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011214.html

Not that I'd completely agree, but you get the Idea :)

Now for the Hadeeth, "The least for the people of Heaven is 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome of pearls, aquamarine and ruby."

Not withstanding it's reliability or strength as a actual saying of the prophet, the hadeeth doesn't even say you have to be a martyr.

And it's the least reward!

As for the Idea of Martyrdom in Islam, According to the prophet, "The pen of a Scholar is greater in the eyes of God than the blood of a martyr", So martyrs are important in Islam, almost as important as Scholars.

But then again again, the prophet made it clear that any dying in the way of Islam, not just through violent Jihad, is de facto a martyr. This includes people who suffered illness or misfortune, even accident, yet remained steadfast in their faith, all these the Prophet identified with martyrs.

Peace, and Ramadan Mubarak!

[Nikki Stone 1]

22. You know,I'd forego the virgins if I could eat Haagen Daas and not get fat

Talk about sensual pleasure!

[PsychoDad]

23. Lets make plans !

Mind if I join you for a giant tub of Haagan Daas? Maybe with a little Ben and Jerry's on the side :)

[Nikki Stone 1]

24. Hey, it's Paradise. Grab a spoon!

:)

[WritingIsMyReligion]

21. Both are disgusting.

Don't care what you say, the idea of fucking 72 females--or a woman fucking 72 males--is just weirdly...sexist. You know?

And the Rapture sounds boring...

[PurityOfEssence]

26. Who are these 72 virgins? Did they do something wrong?

The consistent reality within religions is that some people are aristocracy, and some are slaves. Who are these virgins? Is this some kind of reward for them or a punishment? The obvious answer is that they're subhumans provided for the joy of rapist assholes.

How does this show the sanctity of individual life? Why would the big Witchy Man create nobodies for the blessed to defile? The very idea is repugnant on every level. Are women dirt unless you're the first to penetrate them?

This is consistent throughout religion: some animals are more equal than others. The very concept of the loving personal god is blown out of the water by this approach: some are inferiors merely created to amuse others.

Once the moron who's killed himself for Allah runs through the 72 virgins, what does he do for the rest of his eternity? Obviously, fucking is the huge reward from god, and obviously, some female who's already been had is dirt, so after our hero the dead martyr's cranked them all, what kind of eternity is that? He's got nothing but skanks around him, and we all know they're of no use once diddled.

It's all just stupid and deeply ugly: within the major religions, some are born okay and many are just losers to fuck over as one pleases. This is an expression of primitiveness and morally ugly.

[FM Arouet666]

27. How dare you use rationality to discuss a religious topic...

The 72 virgins are sacred, a gift given to the pure of heart and mind, an acknowledgment by Allah, the only true god, of a devout life on earth. The same is true of the Rapture, a divine gift for the true believer.

72 immortal souls to spend eternity with, that is eternity as in forever. No conflict, just unending love and joy.

Wait a minute this sounds like a Twilight Zone episode, everything goes your way, you always win, you always get the girl. Lets, see, that will be fun for about a day.

Doing some advanced manifold theory mathematics, yes, (eternity) - (a day) = (fuck what the hell was I thinking when I blew my ass off the planet). And for the xtian believer, the corollary is (fuck what was I thinking when I was oppressing everyone via fundie support and a GOP vote.)

The universe is not so simplistic, much more fascinating, and you do not collect two hundred dollars and you don't get an afterlife......


:evilgrin:

[NoSheep]

28. Is this the lounge section of GD? COOL!

:7

[xchrom]

30. paradise must be paris.

there you get 72 virgins with expensive tastes to go with that $15 soup.